“I know.” Holly’s chin trembled. “I know this and you know this. But please, just please, don’t tell her yet. You weren’t supposed to see it.”

I bit my lip to keep from cursing again and took two deep breaths. “But that’s the thing, Holly. I did and now I feel stuck. I can’t betray your trust as your group leader, but every time I see her I’m going to feel like I can’t look at her in the face without feeling like I’m betraying her.”

“I’ll tell her.” Holly straightened her spine and sighed. “Just give me some time, okay? I promise I’ll tell her soon.”

“Promise me. Look me in the eyes and promise me.”

Holly didn’t even blink. She stared me down and nodded. “I promise.”

I exhaled. All the taffy in the world wasn’t going to relieve me of the stress I felt at this point. Lame, but I needed to go for a run or something. Get all this shit off my chest.

I looked up to see Holly gone and Mrs. Murray standing outside her door.

“How much did you hear?” I asked.

“All of it.”

“What do I do?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

I broke. I could count on my right hand the times I’d broken in my life, where I’ve cried and felt so completely helpless that I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. My heart was shattering, and there was nothing Mrs. Murray could do, nothing I could do, nothing drugs could do to stop it. Nope, this was life, pure and raw. And as much as I wanted to numb it, at least I was living while that bastard was dead.

Mrs. Murray didn’t say anything else. She just held me while I shook in her arms. I wasn’t even crying. I was too upset, too pissed to cry. I wanted to break something, to break him. I would do anything to take the pain away. Because I knew there was no way I could keep this from Alyssa. I would give Holly some time, but if she never said anything, I would. And I knew the minute I did, Alyssa’s trust for any guy would shoot straight out the window. Didn’t she tell me she couldn’t feel for a guy? That she was afraid of losing someone?

How the hell was I going to expect her to handle my life? My fame? With girls swarming? I mean, I could tell her until I was blue in the face that I loved her, but the memory of Brady would constantly plague her.

Shit. Just when I felt like I was helping her get over the guy there’s another rock thrown into the mess. It was like he was trying to keep her from me, even in his death. I hated the person he had turned me into.

I was saying hate an awful lot these days.

When I stopped trembling, Mrs. Murray released me. “Give Holly some time.”

“And then what? Pretend like my heart isn’t freaking breaking?”

“No,” Mrs. Murray said calmly. “Then you do what’s right.”

“What if by doing the right thing I lose it all?”

“This isn’t about you, Demetri.”

“No.” I shook my head. “It’s about the girl I fell in love with.

The taffy girl at Seaside. The very beautiful girl that I have to let go of, and it kills me to let go of the girl who stole my heart. A heart I won’t ever give back, because it belongs to her now, my best friend.”

Chapter Twenty-five

Alyssa

Two days. It had been two days since I’d seen Demetri. He’d stopped by the store once. And sadly, I’d watched him through the window when he sang his jingle. He looked like hell.

I wanted to hug him, to touch him; was he upset with me or something? He’d texted me a few times, but we hadn’t really hung out and it sucked. It made me realize a few things about myself.

First, I was pathetic. And second, I really liked him. I more than liked him. I couldn’t even sleep anymore because memories of him with me in bed kept flooding into my consciousness, making me toss and turn like crazy.

It was time. I needed to be bold; otherwise, I was going to lose him. At least I knew I couldn’t stand to lose him. I felt like I was making progress, and it was all because of Demetri that I was!

I even put away the yearbooks scattered in my room. I didn’t have the heart to throw away Brady’s sweatshirt, so I hid it in my closet.

But at least I wasn’t wearing it. See? Progress!

I smiled to myself and wiped down the counters. I only had another hour and then I was going to hunt that boy down and kiss him. I shivered just thinking about it.

“Someone’s happy today,” a familiar voice announced. I hadn’t even heard the bell jingle above the door. Sam walked in, hands in his jean pockets. Handsome just like his brother, only this time when I thought of it, it made me smile instead of cry.

“Need a taffy fix?” I grinned. He didn’t smile back. “Sam, what’s up? You need sugar that bad?”

“No.” He shuffled his feet and refused to look at me directly in the eyes. Geez, what was his deal?

“So, you’re here to stare at the ground? You know you can do that outside, right?”

This time his lips tilted upward into a smile. “You make things hard on a guy, Alyssa.”

I didn’t like the tone of his voice. “Well, I have been told I’m difficult.”

“More than difficult.” He pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper from his pocket and fidgeted with it. “I, um, I have something for you.”

“Aw, a poem, you shouldn’t have,” I teased.

“Alyssa.” He groaned and stuffed the note back into his pocket. “Never mind. This isn’t right. I’ll… I’ll see you later.” And just like that he bolted.

“Weird,” I said aloud. If I didn’t know better I’d think he was just about to pass me a note that said, Do you like me? If you do, circle yes. If you don’t, circle no. The guy was super nervous-looking.

Oh well. I didn’t have time to think about his reaction much, considering four customers walked in when he walked out.

An hour later I was walking along the beach. I had texted Demetri and told him to meet me there. I don’t know why I was nervous. I mean, we’d kissed before. Actually, we’d kissed more than a few times, and every time we did I could have sworn I heard music.

I smiled. I was smiling a lot more now. Maybe there was more to all that regret stuff.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Demetri’s familiar voice made my head snap to attention. He was standing right next to me. Fitted jeans hugged his hips. He had on chucks and a tight black t-shirt that said Shaken not stirred.

“Nice shirt.” I pointed.

He laughed. “Yeah, it was a birthday gift from Nat. Alec made me swear I would wear it at least once and take a picture for her. Apparently, she thought it was funny.”

“Why?”

“Long story, movie quote thing with Alec that led to me telling him I was like James Bond. You know what? It’s not even funny. Never mind.” He pulled me into a side hug and kissed my head. “So how are you?”

“Hmm.” I slowly stepped back.

His eyebrows darted up. “Is that your answer? Hmm?”

“No.” I grinned. “This is.” I grabbed his head and kissed him on the mouth before I could chicken out. I trailed my tongue across his lower lip; he opened his mouth and then wrapped his arms around me in response. Chills ran down my arms as his tongue danced with mine. Heat spread throughout my body when his hands began to slowly run down my back.

Someone whistled. I jerked away. I only meant to give him one tiny kiss, not maul him in public.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I sure feel better.” He grinned and kissed me one more time before grabbing my hand and walking with me down the boardwalk. “Now what’s on your mind?”

“You,” I answered honestly. “Are you okay?”

He stopped walking. Crap, why did his face look like I just confessed to stealing his puppy?

“Um, sure.” He scratched his head and looked away. “I just, I had some stuff going on with our agent. They still want to do the show even though Alec and I are avidly against it. They want to launch the show this fall and push our spring back, so we can record while we shoot. Something about hitting the teen market, to up ticket sales. I don’t know though.”

“You should do it.” I shrugged. “I mean, how bad could it be? People already follow you and take pictures. Plus, don’t reality shows only run for a few weeks?”

“How do you even know a reality show schedule?” He laughed.

“I know you think I live under a rock.” I pushed him in the side. “But, I’m not totally disconnected from the world.”

He cursed. “Six weeks. It would be six weeks of filming.”

“And you’d film here?”

“Yeah.” His eyes darted from my lips to my eyes then back again. Had we stopped walking again? “But you’d be in the show too, Alyssa. I mean, anyone I talk to, anyone I’m involved with would be in the show. That’s a big decision not just for you, but for me. I would hate to ruin someone’s life.” He paled instantly and released my hand.

“Well, I mean. I…” Crap, how did I say what was on my mind? “I, um… I—”

“Cat got your tongue?” Demetri chuckled.

More like Demetri Daniels has possession of every ounce of common sense when I’m in his presence. “I like you,” I blurted.

“Hmm.” Demetri walked away from me and sat on the concrete edge on the boardwalk. “When you say like, do you mean as in, how I like ice cream?”

I rolled my eyes and moved to sit next to him. “Maybe.”

“Like as in… how much I like the way you taste?” he whispered into my ear. I shivered and tried to scoot away, but he held me trapped with his other arm. “Like as in how much I like the way your hair smells like coconut?”

I reached up to touch my hair. Demetri played with a piece of my hair and lifted it to his face, inhaling slowly. Oh my gosh, it was so hot. I squirmed, but he still wouldn’t let me go.

“Like, as in, how much I like the way your h*ps sway when you walk? Or the way your voice sounds on the phone? Or how about…” He paused, oh gosh I couldn’t take much more of this. He was killing me with his closeness. Why did he have to be so sexy?

“…how much I like the way my name sounds on your lips.

The way your name sounds on mine, or the way our hands fit perfectly together. How about the way you drink your hot chocolate? Damn, I could watch you drink hot chocolate all day.”

And I was going to pass out.

“Alyssa.” His eyes opened, and he held my chin with his hand and murmured across my lips. “I really like you too.”

And insert mind-altering sensations here. Without even realizing it, my hands had gripped his face and I pressed my lips against his. I needed him to be real. I wanted so badly for us to be feeling the same thing.

“I want him gone.” Demetri ended the kiss and looked out at the crashing waves. “I’m not going to ask you to choose, because I’m afraid it would be him. I’m afraid you would choose someone who can’t give you this.” He grabbed my hand and placed it against his chest. The thump of his heart slammed against my hand. “I want to be your first and your last. I want to be your everything. But I’m willing to wait until you’re ready for this. For this feeling. I want you to memorize it. Memorize life, Alyssa.