“Not really. He dated now and then, went to dances. But never anything serious.”

“Dale went to dances?” My jaw drops. I can’t even imagine Dale dancing in a gym full of students.

“Sure. We all did. Remember, Snow Creek is a tiny little town. Everyone knows everyone, and everyone participates in the social activities.”

“He just doesn’t seem the type.”

Brendan laughs. “I can’t disagree, but he was there. We all were.”

“But he never dated seriously?”

“To my knowledge, he still hasn’t. Some of us wondered if he might be gay, but we abandoned that theory a long time ago when a friend of mine who is gay debunked it.”

No, definitely not gay. I simply nod.

“Tell me more about why you think the Steels covered something up,” I say.

“I’ve pretty much told you all I know. Grandpa Steel died in prison, and his wife killed herself when Talon and the others were young.”

I gasp. “She killed herself?”

“Yeah. But there’s no record of that either.”

“No death certificate?”

“Oh, there’s a death certificate. But people wonder if it was forged.”

“Why would anyone forge a death certificate?”

“I don’t know, but the Steels can do it.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Because they forged one for Brad Steel himself. He faked his own death.”

Colors, sounds, emotions descend around me in a psychedelic, discordant waterfall. What kind of family have I wandered into?

“Shocked?” Brendan asks.

“Of course I am. Who the hell fakes their own death?”

“Brad Steel, apparently. And he probably faked his wife’s too.”

“But you said Brad Steel died in prison.”

“He did. But before he went to prison, he came back from the dead, so to speak. Twice.”

I’m incredulous. “Twice? Why?”

“No one knows.”

“There are prison records. Court documents.”

“There should be, but there aren’t.”

“When did Brad Steel die?”

“About twenty-five years ago.”

“Ample time for all records to be covered.”

“Exactly.”

“But didn’t anyone ask at that time?”

“Probably.”

“But no one got an answer?”

“The only answers,” Brendan says, “lie with the Steels themselves. If anyone else still lives who knows the truth, they’ve probably been handsomely paid to keep quiet.”

“Does this have anything to do with your uncle? Great-uncle, I mean, who died at Brad’s wedding?”

“If I knew, I’d tell you. Just watch your step around the Steels. They’re good people, but if you cross them, you may just disappear.”

Chapter Eighteen

Dale

Save myself?

That ship sailed as soon as I fell in love with Ashley White. I let loose a thunderstorm that can never be contained.

“I tried to save Donny,” I say, “all those years ago.”

“You were a child yourself, Dale.”

“But he was my responsibility. I was older.”

“I understand.”

“Do you? Does that mean—”

“No,” he says. “Only I have been through something similar to you. My brothers and sister were spared.”

“I just can’t—” My breath catches, and for a moment I wonder if I’ll be able to take in another gulp of air.

“Breathe, Dale. Breathe.”

My father’s voice soothes me. It always has. Those nights I’d wake up in terror, it was he who calmed me. When my mother tried, I cried and cried until she brought my father to me. Only he could chase away the nightmares when I was young.

Now, I’m forced to chase them away myself. I’ve grown stronger. Indeed, I was stable.

Until Ashley.

Now, the chaos of unchecked emotion lives within me daily, and each day, those feelings are harder and harder to control.

“I’ll grant your request,” Dad finally says. “But only for now. Donny will eventually come to me—or to you—and demand the truth. Frankly, I’m surprised it took you both this long.”

“I’m not,” I say.

“Oh?”

“Donny deals with things in a different way than I do. He keeps busy with work, friends, and women. He doesn’t give himself time to dwell on anything unpleasant.”

“And you?”

“I buried it. Buried it along with my emotions, but…”

“But what?”

I exhale, trying to slow the beat of my tumbling heart. “That’s no longer possible.”

Dad smiles. “From where I’m standing, that’s a good thing. Emotion isn’t something to be feared, son.”

“Isn’t it?”

“The bad may be bad,” he says, “but the good… The good is unlike anything you can imagine.”

“But you can’t have one without the other.”

“No, you can’t,” he agrees. “The universe has a duality to it. You can’t escape it.”

“How well I know.”

Dad cocks his head, lifts one eyebrow slightly. He wants to ask me how I know this. I can almost see the words coming together inside his head. But he won’t. He knows better. Dad will never push me. If I want to tell him anything further, it will be on my own terms.

But then he’ll know…

He’ll know the darkness inside me, the demons that have haunted me and that are now close to my surface.

But maybe…just maybe…he’s the one person who will understand.

“I’m in love.”

The words rush out, devoid of emotion.

He smiles. “That’s wonderful.”

“But it’s not.” I grab a fistful of my hair. “Don’t you see? I never let myself feel those things before. I could get close to you, to Donny, the girls. Even Mom to a certain extent. Aunt Mel. But none of those relationships required the all-consuming passion I’m feeling now. That visceral emotion that I kept buried deep. And now that it’s out…”