“You will, baby. Don’t ever settle or be afraid to love. I always want you to follow your heart, no matter what.”

Kenzi

It’s not even eight a.m. yet and my phone is blowing up with text messages.

Chloe: Happy birthday to my girl! I love you!! Call me!

Rayne: 18 baby! Woot! Love ya, my little chickadee!

Sailor: Happy birthday, beautiful. Hope it’s the best

Uncle Storm: I refuse to accept that you’re 18. Stop it.

Uncle Talon: Happy birthday, sweetheart. See u soon. :-)

Uncle Lukas: Happy birthday little one. Stop by and I’ll give you your first tat ;-)

Finn: 18 spankings, Kensington. My palm is waiting.

When I meet up with Katherine for breakfast on her private porch, she comes out with homemade waffles with whipped cream and strawberries with a candle in the middle, singing happy birthday. I blow out my candle and hug her, trying hard to hold back the tears I can already feel coming on again. On days like this, I miss my mother so much. In many ways she was more like a best friend to me, since we basically grew up together, and it rips my heart up that she’s not here. I’m getting older now, and she’s stopped, forever at twenty-nine.

“I have a surprise for you.” Katherine says as we start eating breakfast. “A good friend of mine in town is a photographer, and she said she would love to come by and shoot with you and make a professional portfolio for you.”

I swallow my bite of waffle, my interest piqued. “Wow, that would be amazing. I’ve been hoping to do some more modeling. Most of my shoots are from two years ago and I look so young.”

“That’s exactly what I told her. She does fashion, boudoir and weddings mostly, and she has a really great eye. I thought as a birthday present, I’ll pay for her to do some different shoots for you. I showed her your prom photo because it’s the most recent I had, and she thinks you’re stunning. She’s really excited to work with you.”

“I’m excited, too. Maybe I should go into town later today and pick up some outfits to wear? I didn’t bring much with me other than jeans and shorts. I’d like to pose in something nicer, maybe even a tiny bit sexy. What do you think? Do you think that would be okay? Or a big mistake?” I’m not sure I’m good at being sexy in any way but I know if I want to do some modeling, then I have to at least make an attempt. Chloe is always telling me to work what I’ve got but I seriously have no idea how to do that.

“I’ll have Tina cover me and I’ll go with you. I could use some time out of here myself. And I think something a little sexy but classy is fine. No nudity, though, please,” she laughs. “You’re eighteen now. I’ve seen some of Anna’s work and she can make you look gorgeous and alluring without looking trashy. She does hair and makeup, too. Trust me, this is going to be fabulous and I think it will definitely boost your confidence once you see how beautiful you are.”

Three hours later I’m in a small boutique in town trying on lingerie for the first time in my life when I get a text from Toren.

Tor: Happy birthday, my Angel. Hoping this year brings you nothing but happiness, love, and dreams come true. I’ve loved watching you grow up from an adorable, feisty little girl to the beautiful woman you are today. Your parents and I are so proud of you. Always remember how special you are, and no matter where life takes you, you’ll always have all my love and support. xo

I can’t stop reading his message, trying to decipher if these words are from the man who helped raise me or the man who kissed me like he wanted to devour me.

He’s both.

Therein lies our dilemma. He’ll never be one or the other. He’ll always be both to me, just as I’m sure I’ll always be both his best friend’s little girl and the woman he suddenly has unwanted feelings for. We’re always going to be twisted up, caught in the web of our past and teased by the glimpses of what we could have been.

A knock on the dressing room door startles me and I nearly drop my phone. “Kenzi? Are you okay?” Aunt Katherine asks, her voice full of concern.

“Yes,” I say through the door. “I was just adjusting the straps. I’ll be out in a second.”

Taking a deep breath, I type back.

Me: You had a huge part in helping me be the person I am today. You’ve been my rock since the day I was born. I will always and forever love you the most. xo