“What’s wrong?” She comes back at me, reaching for my towel this time, but I push her away. Why are women always trying to pull my clothes off? I probably could make bank if I become a stripper at this point.

“I can’t do this right now.”

“Jesus, Toren. It’s been months.”

Hmm. It’s been months for me, but I wonder how long it’s been for her.

“I don’t care. I need some time to think first.”

“So you’ll think about giving us another chance?”

“Maybe,” I reply, brainwashing myself so I’ll forget about Kenzi. “Let’s see if you can get through the entire tour without being with someone else. And when you get back home I want you to have a full STD panel done. Then we’ll talk about maybe starting over. And that’s a huge fuckin’ maybe, Syd, because honestly, I just don’t know if I can do this with you again.”

She lets out an exasperated sigh. “Fine. If that’s what it takes, I’ll give it a shot.”

I can’t believe she needs to give not fucking other men a shot. Like it’s going to be some kind of feat of extraordinary talent to keep her mouth and her legs closed until she can be with me, the guy she claims to love.

“Yeah, well I won’t hold my breath.”

“You don’t have to be a jerk, Tor. I said I’d try,” she rubs at her nose. “And what about this dog and cat? If we get back together, I’ll be sneezing nonstop.”

I reach down to pet Diogee, who’s almost always at my side. “Then I guess you’d have to take an allergy pill. Or not come over. They’re not disposable. This is their home.”

“We’ll see about that. I have a feeling if you have to choose between pussies, you’ll choose mine.” She says with a smirk.

I know she’s joking, but I’m not seeing the humor in it. “One thing I’ve learned over the past few months is I can live without it, Syd. You don’t have any power over me with that. So, the pets stay, no matter what.”

I’m not sure why, but it’s bugging me that she didn’t even ask their names, or want to know how I saved them. She didn’t sit on the floor and pet them, or show any interest in them at all. Unlike Kenzi, who treats this dog like royalty-brushing him, trimming his nails. and making him all natural peanut butter dog treats from some recipe she found on Pinterest. She even ate one herself first, to make sure it tasted good. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

Fuckin’ Kenzi, creeping back into my mind again. Always haunting me.

17

Kenzi

Kenzi ~ age thirteen

Tor ~ age twenty-eight

I smile at the framed photo of my parents that’s on the night table on my mom’s side of the bed. They’re about fourteen and fifteen in this picture, and they’re kissing, but smiling against each other’s lips. They look so young but also so much the same. It’s my favorite photo of them.

“Mom, how did you know Dad was the one?” My eyes linger on the photo for a moment longer before turning to her. She’s laying on her stomach at the end of their bed, writing in her journal as she does every night, her long blonde hair falling around the rims of her nerdy, yet trendy, red-framed glasses.

She chews on the end of her pen, her face lighting up as she’s thinking about my dad. I love how much they love each other. Never fighting, always hugging and kissing, always whispering secrets to each other, and pulling each other closer for kisses. It’s like they existed in their own little bubble of love and forgot the rest of the world existed.

“I just knew. I’d seen him around school and thought he was incredibly cute. But the first time we actually met face-to-face, he looked into my eyes with a dreamy smile and said ‘Oh shit. There goes my heart’. We stayed in the park all day that day, just holding hands and talking. We found out we had a lot in common. Music, writing, the same foods and movies, the same fears and dreams. I felt like I had met the other half of myself. He walked me home at midnight, gave me my first kiss, and told me he could see his entire life in my eyes.” She closes her journal, a big smile on her face. “Needless to say I fell totally head over heels in love with him and we’ve been inseparable ever since. My parents were less than thrilled, but nothing they could say or do could have kept me away from him.”

“That’s awesome,” I say wistfully. “I want to fall in love like that someday.”

She rolls over onto her back and stares at me, upside down, her hair hanging off the edge of the bed. It’s easy to see how my dad was so easily taken by her playful eyes, loving nature, and beautiful smile. She’s the kind of woman you just gravitate toward and want to be close to. She makes everyone around her feel loved and beautiful, just like my dad does. Together, they are the perfect fairytale couple.