On Monday at work she made sure she had time to meet at least briefly with Ross. “I feel like I’m losing control of my life. My house is full of new furniture, not to mention people. Justine’s trying to be patient, but she wants to remodel the house immediately after the holidays and she keeps trying to get me to make decorating decisions. I’m afraid of losing my best friend, Jake, because he’s ready to move forward with our relationship. And I’m not ready for any of it!”

“You did have a lot of control before, didn’t you?” Ross said.

“Before when?” Addie asked.

“Before your mom passed away and you were expected to finally get on with your life.”

“And I did! I got this job and enrolled in school. But really, one thing at a time!”

“You came to this office for reentry help and were mistaken for a job applicant. I think you handled that very well, but Adele—that was a fluke,” Ross gently pointed out. “At some point you’ll have to take initiative.”

“I enrolled in school!”

“You did, indeed. You have some choices to make with the rest. You can tell your sister you’re just not ready to remodel. Pick a time—how much do you need? Two months? Three? Because you said she’s driven but very reasonable. Right?”

“Yes. That’s true. I just hate the thought...”

“Adele, do you have trouble telling people no?”

“Obviously,” she said, grumbling.

“That’s a very grown-up thing to learn how to do. It’s not always easy. But if you don’t, you have to suffer the consequences.”

“What consequences?” Adele asked.

“You tell me, Adele. If you don’t say no to Justine or at least give her some boundaries, what will you be living with? You’ll have a muddled-up house that’s half old and half new, and things will continue to be disrupted. Or, you can move forward and give her some room and maybe things get remodeled. And what about this friend of yours, Jake? What if you came right out and told him you don’t love him?”

“But of course I love him!” she said. “I’ve always loved Jake. He’s my best friend in the world. It’s just that... I don’t know if I love him in the way I should to make a commitment of some kind. What if I discover in a few years that it just wasn’t a passionate enough love?”

“Welcome to the real world,” Ross said. “I think it’s fair to say people discover that all the time. God knows why—maybe they change and it turns out your partner isn’t the man you thought he was. Maybe you get bored. The hard truth is, very few couples stay passionately in love for decades. They usually fall in love, get married, learn that love relaxes into a dependable partnership and work at staying together. Love tends to ebb and flow.”

“Then how do people stay together for fifty years?” she asked.

“Some people stay in bad relationships because they feel they have no options,” Ross said. “I did that for about ten years. I had no job, no money, very little education...and I couldn’t see my way out. But oh did I have passion. On the good days I had piles of passion.”

“So I guess you’re saying passion isn’t the answer?” Adele said.

Ross folded her hands on her desk. “People travel the world looking for the perfect mate. Some go through a hundred partners in search of true love. That’s why I told you to figure out what love is to you. I know what it is to me.”

“Please,” Adele said. “Tell me.”

“It may not be the same to you. But to me, number one is respect. He would have to respect my feelings, my opinions, my space. He doesn’t have to agree with me, just respect me. And he has to be willing to stay in balance with me—in other words, we have to help each other out. Regularly. There’s got to be compromise—a way to share the load. And if a man ever says a mean word, for me that’s a big red flag. But girl, I am not looking for some man with a good line that makes my toes tingle. I’d rather have the real damn thing.”

“If I could just figure out what is the real thing.”

“There’s a good description in the Bible. Love is not jealous or mean, it is kind and thoughtful—something along those lines. Good relationships seem to boil down to people who are good to each other and thoughtful of their partner’s feelings and needs. I have this friend I met in group when I was getting divorced. She was leaving her husband and she loved him madly, though he didn’t deserve it and he treated her badly. He cheated, he lied, he was mean and had a foul temper, but she had the hardest time letting him go. But she did. Her survival depended on it. After that she wanted nothing to do with love—I think she felt love had cheated her, tricked her. A few years later she married again, this time to a man who treated her with respect, cared about her, was faithful and kind. He wasn’t anything like the first husband and he wasn’t flashy, but his feelings for her were dependable. She trusted him and relied on him. And she fell in love then, once she knew he was the real deal.”

“Jake is all of those things,” Adele said. “Why do I have doubts?”

“Hell if I know, cupcake. But that isn’t my question to answer. That’s on you. For right now, why don’t you try to figure out what it’s going to take to accept your sister’s help fixing up that house that hasn’t seen a fresh coat of paint in at least ten years. Seems like a good place to start. Because I think your issue is being indecisive. You would drive me out of my mind with that.”

“I don’t mean to be indecisive,” she said. “I just want to be sure.”

“Like I said, that would drive me crazy. I’m much too busy to wait around on someone like you, being sure.”

“Don’t you ever make a mistake?”

“Sure I do, but I’d rather redo a mistake than spend days on end waffling. Lord, I do hate waffling.”

“I think I’ve made that a habit...”

“We have a time management workshop. I suggest you fit it in your schedule because you have a special case. You are quick and efficient in this office, but I think when it comes to things to do for yourself, you just can’t make up your mind. And that’s going to rob you of the happiness you’ve earned.”

* * *

Adele took what Ross said to her to heart. The older woman was right. When Adele needed to do her job, serve the clients in the office who needed her help, she never hesitated. When it came to deciding what she wanted for herself, she felt confused and sluggish.

Inexplicably, she found herself parked in front of the house that had once belonged to her professor. Maybe it still did belong to him, but he was now divorced. She was just giving herself a memory check—that had been a terrible day. He’d sent her off with instructions to have an abortion, promised he was getting a divorce and then she’d seen him with his wife.

And now, as if history was repeating itself, she saw Hadley coming out of the house. He was wearing biking shorts and a fitted shirt, carrying his helmet. He walked around the side of the house and came back steering two bikes with his hands. In just a moment, a beautiful blonde woman came out of the house wearing biking attire, as well. She waved to the kids and a teenage babysitter, then claimed one of the bikes, put on her helmet and off they went.

Adele wasn’t positive, but that woman looked like his wife, the same one she had seen about eight years ago. He wasn’t divorced at all. Didn’t he know she would find out eventually? Had she given in to his advances, it would have been very soon. But why was he pursuing her so ardently? Why was he so contrite and apologetic about their affair and its damages? What was going through his head? Was he simply a predator, going after as many young college women as he could fit in his schedule? It made no sense!

For a moment she wanted to follow them, maybe pull up alongside and ask, “Do you know what your husband does for sport?” Would Mrs. Hutchinson appreciate the tip or was she happy with her denial?

And why do I care? Adele asked herself.

Because she wanted the real thing. She wanted it to sparkle, and when the sparkle ceased to glitter, she wanted it to be secure. She wanted to trust a man who was worthy of trust. At one time she had thought the classy, sophisticated professor had whatever that was, but it had been a sham. Maybe she was too young and inexperienced; maybe he was just that good. He was, in the end, the naked emperor.

She watched them ride away and thought she was very lucky that hadn’t gone according to her plans. It could have been a long and painful relationship.

Her only regret was losing her baby.

* * *

“I’d like to meet you for a drink,” Logan said over the phone to Justine. “Maybe that little pub called Sheep Herder’s in Half Moon Bay. I wouldn’t bother you, but I have to tell you something.”

“Are you breaking up with me?” she asked, half kidding. The other half had been thinking no one was this lucky, to be humiliated by a wayward husband only to find a delightful man to fill in the empty spots in her life.

“Absolutely not,” he said. But he didn’t laugh. “When are you off work?”

“No one has late appointments today so we’ll close up shop at five.” She would take some work home, of course. She always did. She didn’t always get to it, but she was diligent in her effort.

“I’ll plan to be there by five thirty. Take your time.”

Because she smelled an ill wind, she didn’t waste any time. She phoned her girls to tell them she’d be home to cook dinner but first she was meeting Logan for a glass of wine. She promised not to be late and hoped she’d be able to keep the promise. Something in his voice seemed ominous.

He was already at the pub when she got there, sitting at a small table in the corner. The place boasted a good crowd at five thirty and would probably be packed by seven. This little pub and a number of quaint little eateries and shops were in the newer section of town, closer to the ocean. When she approached him, he stood and gave her a friendly peck on the cheek.