I’d done this to her. Me. I couldn’t protect anyone or anything. It had been the one thing I’d wanted to do since I messed up all those years ago with Demetri. Grief had pushed me into that lifestyle, but our family ties and my dad’s memory had pulled me out of it.

And now I was failing everyone — including my dad — the one person I promised I would never fail.

I didn’t even turn off the car once I pulled into the hospital parking lot. I ran to the other side of the car and pulled Nat out, shouting at nurses near the entry-way that I needed to see a doctor immediately.

I ran through the open doors and tried to keep the towel around Nat as my eyes frantically searched for a wheelchair or something to put her in.

A nurse appeared, and then a doctor pulled her from my hands and placed her on a gurney. “What happened?”

“She… um.” I could not hyperventilate, I had to be strong. “She was showering and I think she passed out. She hit her head. And she’s pregnant.”

“How far along?”

I hated myself. Hated that I didn’t even know the answer.

“Twelve weeks,” a voice said behind me. A feminine hand reached out to mine and held it. “She’s twelve weeks along and has been taking prenatals for the past two weeks. She isn’t allergic to any medications and her dad is Doctor Murray.”

The doctor nodded and began pushing the stretcher into one of the rooms. I tried to follow him but he stopped me. “Blood-related?”

“She’s my girlfriend. It’s—”

“Let us do our job, Son.” The doctor shut the door in my face. I clenched my right hand, forgetting someone was holding it.

Turning, I saw Alyssa. She smiled, as her eyes pooled with unshed tears. “She’ll be fine, Alec. I promise.”

In an instant Demetri and Jaymeson were there.

I told them what happened, alternating between freaking out and needing a sedative to being so damn angry at myself that I wanted to puke.

“Oh, shit.” Jaymeson pointed at the doors. “Looks like we have company.”

Ruben and the rest of the production crew barged into the hospital. The worst part? Ruben was smiling. As if this was the best thing to happen to him since he saw his face in the mirror.

“Alec… How are you feeling now that—”

Jaymeson’s fist surged forward, connecting with Ruben’s jaw perfectly. He hit the floor with a large thud. The cameraman put his camera away and swore.

“Thank God. I’ve been wanting to do that for days.”

The rest of the crew sighed in relief and turned off the cameras and recorders.

“Can you guys just…” I exhaled. “Not film today?”

“Sure thing.” The cameraman nodded. “What about him?”

We all looked to the ground where Ruben was groaning and holding his jaw. “I’ll sue you for touching me!”

“Drown him?” I suggested.

“Death by seagulls.” This from Demetri. I’m sure that was his greatest fear, considering he was terrified of birds.

“Leave,” a voice said from behind us. I turned to see Dr. Murray, scrubs on, glaring at Ruben. “This is a hospital. No cameras, no media. Leave now before I call security.”

Ruben waved him off and struggled to his feet. The production crew waved goodbye and escorted an angry Ruben out of the emergency room.

“Idiot.” Dr. Murray snorted. “Now, about April.”

Demetri and Jaymeson tensed.

“She’s stable. We’re putting her in a private room, but…” Bad news, he was going to deliver bad news. The lines around his eyes seemed deeper as he shifted nervously on his feet. “There were an awful lot of drugs in her system. Not just from the pills but from a few other sources. It seems that she’s been mixing coc**ne, pills, ecstasy, and a few antidepressants. We’re lucky she’s alive, especially if she’s been drinking as much as her tests confirm she has. Her alcohol level upon entry into the hospital was .20 that’s almost three times the legal limit and she’s not a large woman by any means.”

My heart sank as I watched Jaymeson’s face fall. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Can we see her?”

“Not yet,” Dr. Murray said. “She needs to rest. We had to pump her stomach.”

“Right.” Jaymeson opened his eyes and looked at Dr. Murray. “Is there anything…? I mean… What do we do?”

I realized in that moment Jaymeson was just as alone as we were. He had step-brothers and sisters and a dad who basically saw nothing but a cash cow when he looked at him.

“Treatment.” Dr. Murray nodded. “She needs to go to rehab. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go make sure my daughter is comfortable.” His eyes flashed to mine, and in that instant I wanted to die. That meant he would know that Nat was pregnant, and I was the bastard who got her that way — I was the cause of so many things. I couldn’t even defend myself. As a dad he was well within his rights to shoot me where I stood. Instead, with a heavy sigh, he put his arm around me and led me down the hall away from the group.

Probably so they wouldn’t see him insert the syringe into my body, stopping my heart as well as the rest of my organs.

“You got my daughter pregnant,” he said it so calmly as if we were talking about the weather or football.

“I did.”

“You also saved her life.”

“What?” I grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to look me in the eyes. “Is she okay? What happened? Does she have a concussion?”

Doctor Murray peeled my hands away from his body. “She’s stable. She has a pretty bad concussion. You probably don’t realize it, but there’s a very high amount of accidental deaths every year by people passing out in the shower. She could have drowned. She could have woken up and been so disoriented that she tripped and fell again. The possibilities are endless — so thank you. You did the right thing in driving her straight here.”

“And the baby?” I pleaded. “Tell me the baby’s okay.”

Doctor Murray smiled. “Healthy.”

“Can I see her?”

He nodded once and led me to a small hallway just off of the emergency room area. He pointed to the second door on the right and then left me alone with the love of my life.

Transported. I was literally transported back to when my dad was sick. I’d promised him I’d protect Demetri — I’d protect everyone.

How had I failed so miserably?

Slowly, I walked to her bedside. She was sleeping. Nat’s head was wrapped in white gauze. A small smile played at her lips as she sighed in her sleep and turned to her side.

I barely made it to the chair by her bed before I collapsed into a sob. My fault, my fault, my fault. The voice in my head wouldn’t stop. My hands shook as I tried to wipe the tears away. I just wanted to make it better, but I didn’t know how. I reached for Nat’s hand and engulfed it in mine, raining kisses on each of her knuckles.

She was so precious to me. I couldn’t lose her — refused to lose her again. If she still wanted me, I was all hers. If she would forgive me, I would love her forever. If she wouldn’t — then I would continue going on loving her from a distance… for as long as I had breath. As long as blood surged through my body, as long as my heart continued to pump, I was hers — body and soul.

Chapter Thirty-four

Demetri

I walked aimlessly down the halls, confused about so many things, and wishing I could somehow make it all better. I think there’s a point in everyone’s life where they try to figure out that one moment where they took a wrong turn and then watch as the catastrophic events after it fall like a trail of dominoes. Did one choice really affect your future that much?

One choice affected April’s, which in turn affected mine, which affected Jaymeson’s. My head spun with all the possibilities, all the outcomes.

I’d thought I’d been making progress over the past year ,but the truth of the matter was I was still like a kid waiting for the approval of others and hoping to God I was doing the right thing.

I walked past a few rooms. I glanced to my left and saw Alec’s hands folded and his head resting against them, against Nat’s bed. I turned to walk into the room and knocked softly on the door.

His head jerked up.

“You okay?” I asked, taking a seat on the other side of the bed.

He looked at Nat then back at me. “Not really. You?”

“Not really.”

We both laughed. Not because it was funny, but because it was so damn tragic.

I reached for Nat’s hand, thankful that it was warm, meaning she was living — breathing. “I, uh, I remembered something today.”

“Yeah?” Alec leaned forward resting his elbows against the bed. “What?”

“Dad.” My voice cracked. “When he told you about my adoption. It’s funny the memory had always been fuzzy. All I remembered was the word, and remembering it meant I was different. Maybe it was my mind’s own stupid way of protecting me, but I remember everything now.”

Alec’s eyes held mine for a second before he cursed and looked down. “Then you remember what I promised.”

“Yeah.”

“I failed you.”

“What?” I let out a frustrated laugh. “You didn’t. You were a little kid, Alec. I think we’ve already established that you aren’t Superman.”

He didn’t say anything so I just kept talking. “Our dad gave you a huge job. He asked you to do something that a kid your age barely even understands. All you knew was that you were going to be alone except for me—”

“I hated you,” Alec interrupted. “For five whole minutes I hated you. I hated that you still had a mom and dad. I hated that mine was stolen from me, and I hated that the last thing my dad said to me was to take care of you.”

I didn’t know what to say. I mean, what are you supposed to say when someone says something like that?

Alec clenched and unclenched his fists. “And then after five minutes you walked into the room. Dad had given you some money to go buy some candy at the gift shop.” Alec bit down hard on his lip as his eyes glazed over with tears. “You bought a bear instead.”

“I did?”

“Yeah.” Alec snorted. “You bought a bear. It was wearing a shirt that said “Cancer free.” You said you weren’t really sure what it meant but that the lady in the store said it would make us feel better about our dad having cancer, because even though he did, the bear didn’t, and we could still hug our bear and he would remind us that we still had each other. We could still fight. We had something to fight for.”

My heart hammered in my chest as my throat tightened with just barely restrained tears. “I don’t remember at all.”

“Blocked it out.” Alec nodded. “I’m sure you blocked it out, but in that moment I couldn’t hate you anymore. I think the jealousy was always there. You were always so… easy.”