“Out,” I tell him, and he obeys. He’s clearly got a lot of experience sneaking out on stunned girls, because there’s no screech from Melanie or Renata. Kurt doesn’t say something like, Get out of this store, you pervert. Nothing happens. Where Teddy’s concerned, it’s always a perfect crime.

I spend a total of $67. In thrift world, that’s enough clothes to fill a tractor’s front bucket. Every single piece has been jointly signed off by Melanie and Renata, so I’m confident, and as Kurt stuffs everything into bags I’m noticing a color palette has emerged: pinks, yellows, and grays. I’m still in a daze from what Teddy did to me, and formulating the speech I’m going to give him about how real friends show support, when Kurt pushes a pad and a pen over the counter.

“Give me your number if you want, I’ll text you.” He has a lot of tension in his eyes. It’s a big risk he’s taking, and I know how scary it must be to do this. Melanie is watching from the door. She gives me thumbs-up.

And yes, I’ve thought about it.

? Kurt’s nice.

? He’s in my league.

? He’s a permanent resident.

? I am fairly sure he won’t murder me.

? He’s been thinking about me and the clothes I’d like, for a year.

I write out my number. I’ve got to be realistic about what I can expect from the Sasaki Method. I can’t fully focus on whether Kurt could be a good match for me when Teddy is filling up the air I breathe with his crackling energy.

“Let’s grab dinner,” Kurt says, right as a familiar hand slides up my back, clasping the nape of my neck. Kurt takes the notepad back with his eyes averted. Teddy’s the big bear, and he’s staking his claim on the girl with the cheese.

“Thanks for your help today,” I say to Kurt, trying to shake free of the warm palm. No one can say I’m not professional when I have a goal in mind. “Dinner sounds great. Talk to you soon. And thanks for the clothes, as always.”

Because Renata is still inside paying for some obscure designer piece she dug up, I’m free to have a word with Teddy. I push through the door and when we’re on the pavement I turn on him. “Explain to me how you’re being a good friend when you do things like that.”

“You don’t like kissing me in change rooms?” He smirks. “You grabbed me, remember. I felt your heart pounding. That boring guy could never do it for you.”

“You pretend to be helping me, but it’s only ever to serve yourself. I have been trying really hard to support your goal, even though it means you’re moving away. I do that because I know what it means to you. I swallow down how much it’s going to hurt.”

“I really don’t want to hurt you.”

“Is that why you won’t talk to me about how close you are to leaving? How much money have you saved?”

“I called Alistair yesterday to tell him I can transfer half now.”

“That’s amazing. See,” I add with my arms spread out wide and a hole in my chest. “That’s how to be pleased for your friend and the progress they’re making. And what did Alistair say? I bet he was happy.”

“He told me it was payment in full or nothing. He doesn’t trust me to actually make it. At this point in time, you’re the only person on earth who thinks I can. And that’s why I don’t want to give you up. You can’t seem to see any reason why I can’t have my keys by Christmas.”

I’m perplexed. “You’re absolutely going to do it. You’re Teddy Prescott.”

“Yeah. I’m me. I’ve never finished anything important.”

“Those look pretty finished to me.” I point at his tattoos. They’re only lines, black ink and no color, but each is perfectly done. He twists away like he’s irritated by my belief in him.

“Alistair told me I wouldn’t have the patience to sit there and get them filled in. He’s probably right.”

“Seems like a lot of people have been telling you what you’re like. It’s time to decide if you believe them.” Just as he’s about to reply, we’re interrupted.

“Can you guys give Ruthie a lift home?” Melanie yells from halfway down the block. She’s got her car door open. “Thanks, love you, bye. Oh wait,” she shouts, lifting her arm. “Ruthie got another ding. We’ll go through them all on Monday.”

“What’s the problem here?” Renata says as she emerges from the store.

“Just me, taking too much, as usual,” Teddy replies to his employer, holding up his TAKE hand.

“You ain’t wrong, Theodore Prescott,” Renata says as he opens the car door for her. “You were a very selfish boy today. She’s not your plaything, or a way to pass time. She’s a real person.”

He is silent for the rest of the drive home.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

It’s dark by the time we escape the Parlonis, and Teddy comes with me as I conduct my security rounds.

I go through my checklist, twisting doorknobs, and jolting firmly on the dumpster’s roller door. I pretend he’s not even there, to get in the practice for when he’s gone. We stand against the chain-link fence side by side and as I stare at the lights below, his face is just turned to me.

I finally speak. “You’re messing up all my plans.” My anger has burned out, leaving me cold and sad.

“You’re messing up mine.”

“How?”

“You believe that I can achieve my goal. You are so completely sure that I’m going to leave here on schedule and that I’ll have my own key to the studio.” He says it like I’m wrong.

“Should I be sorry for that?”

“No. It’s just no one ever has before. I can’t quite process this kind of total confidence. It’s because I haven’t disappointed you yet.” He turns his face away into shadow. “And I keep finding myself wondering what would happen if I just gave up. This isn’t so bad at all.”

“Take it from someone who had a dream once and never pursued it. You’ve got to keep going. Keep pushing.” It’s starting to require more and more energy to keep up this fa?ade of platonic-friend cheerleader. “I pick a light down there and I visit it every night. If you have a day where Renata’s humiliated you, or you’re sick of living in poverty, just come up here and visit your light.”

“Which one’s yours?” He stares at the town. “And what are you wishing for?”

“You know what I wish for. That’s why I got so mad at you today. I don’t have that many chances in my life, so every single one counts.”

I walk back down the hill, my big shadow right behind.

“What if I don’t want to succeed,” he says to my back when I’m unlocking my cottage door. “What if I just want to spend it all on a vacation? Or maybe I’ll just mooch around Providence indefinitely.”

I feel a few things. My heart soars with hope, of course. My head quickly shuts it down. “You can’t be too sure that Providence is going to exist indefinitely. I’m getting less confident about it by the day.”

“I’ll just retire here, now.”

“No you won’t.” I open my door and walk inside to drop my thrift store purchases on the couch. For once, he doesn’t follow me inside. “Sometimes it’s really hard being the selfless one,” I grouch to myself.

Outside in the courtyard, the full moon is giving his hair a silver cast. He looks like an erotic nightmare, a black shape that should make me want to run. He’s sitting on a courtyard chair, long legs kicked out in angles. A lap has taken shape, but it would be a challenge to sit on. The thought rattles me and I’m glad of the dark. I go to close my front door when he speaks.

“You think you’re done with me?”

How the hell am I meant to respond? “Ahh …”

“Because I’m not done with you.”

You know that special, husky manipulative voice he’s so good at putting on whenever he needs something from me? It’s in its purest form right now. I lose balance; one of my knees has unlocked. It’s that kind of voice.

“It’s late.”

“I really don’t think we reached our full potential.” His hand slides down his thigh and pats it. “Come here. Get your real kiss.”

Surely he’s a test, sent my way, because how is it possible to resist an offer like that?

He keeps talking. “I want you to do what you did to me in the change room. Just longer and hotter. And kinda … wrap my hair around your hand.” His legs move in a restless way. “I’m gonna put my hand into the pocket of your cardigan real slow.”

“What has come over you?” My feet take me closer.

He glints a smile back at me. “I got a taste of you. And I’m being the brave one. I know you’re just gonna go inside and sweat over me all night.”

“What’s it like being this arrogant?” I make him blink with that. “I have never met anyone in my entire life who was so sure that he was irresistible.”

“Irresistible to you.”

I ignore that. “Was it how you were raised? You’ve got four sisters, right? Were you the spoiled baby, indulged in every way, and when you’re not getting a thousand percent of someone’s attention you feel weird?”

The silence that falls over the courtyard now is absolutely piercing.