It’s true. I really can. And it’s not bad.

“I’m a guy,” Kurt says to us. “I held that dress for her instead of putting it out on the floor. Don’t I get a look?”

“You’re pushing my buttons, buddy,” Teddy snaps at him.

“I’m the official judge on this,” Renata says. “Let me in.” She is admitted by our bodyguard Teddy. The space is getting claustrophobic. I can’t believe I’m pressed in by people who care. “Yes, I think this could work. I wonder if they could tailor it higher on the calf. She’s on the petite side.”

Melanie sighs. “There is no on-site tailor, Mrs. Parloni.”

“Can I come in, too?” Teddy says through the door hinge.

“In your dreams,” Renata tells him.

“I’m going to need someone to leave, or I can’t get this off.” I watch as Melanie and Renata stare at each other. Who will assert their supremacy? To my surprise, Renata relents. “Actually, Mel,” I say, “you go out too. I’m your boss, you can’t see me in my underwear.”

Now that I’m alone, I can look at myself in this dress. I bite my own fist. Hot damn. I look exactly my age.

And after this amazing find, nothing quite compares, but between Melanie and Renata, a capsule wardrobe is building. The entire process is underscored by heated debate. “I’ll buy her new ones,” Renata argues from the denim rack when I poke my face out to see what’s going on. “No, I draw the line at used jeans. Look at this pair. There’s a hole in the crotch.”

“Stop thrusting your bony old fingers through it,” Melanie cries. “I’m having a nightmare tonight.”

“I’ve never heard the word crotch said with such violence,” I tell Teddy to make him laugh, but he’s gone all serious. I square myself back at the mirror to look at the pink dress I’m wearing now. Compared to the miracle dress, this one is a little lackluster. “Thanks for coming along to help me today.”

He’s dry. “I’m so selfless, coming along to watch you try on dresses. What a saint.”

“No, I really mean it. Everyone’s moral support has really made me … well, made me feel like I can do this. I can finally look at myself, and see something different, and I can put myself out there.” I smooth out some creases in the dress. He doesn’t reply and I feel a twinge of self-consciousness. “Was that too deep and meaningful?”

Melanie approaches, eyes critical on my dress. “Too short. I mean, it looks great, but you’ll never wear it.”

I confess to Melanie, “It’s stupid. I’ve always wanted to try on a jumpsuit, but I never had the courage.”

“Kurt. Jumpsuits.” Melanie actually clicks her fingers. He actually leaps to action. Renata toddles along behind them as they disappear, shouting about how Emilio Pucci does a nice silk one.

“Okay, these are the keepers,” I say to myself as I look at the garments hooked on the wall. “I’ve had my one miracle today.” I’m grabbing at my back for the zip, when Teddy slides through the inch of open door, walks me backward, and closes the door behind us.

“I can’t stand this.” He cups my chin with his warm palm, eyes on my mouth. “I can’t be out there while you’re in here. The worst part of this whole thing is, you don’t know the truth about you.”

I’m surprised by how wretched he sounds. “I don’t know what?”

“It hurts that you don’t know you’re lovely, exactly how you are. You don’t need to change. You don’t need to put on a dress, like it’s going to fix something. You don’t have anything that needs fixing.”

“I know,” I manage to say with no air. “But changing just a few things will make me feel like I’m turning over a new leaf, and I’ll be able to convince someone else too.”

“You’re the thousand-dollar dress on the rack in this thrift store and I can’t believe no one’s picked you up yet.” He’s frustrated with me. “What the fuck does it take for you to believe me, or lose this composure?”

I guess all it takes is the invitation to lose it.

I pull him down with two handfuls of clothes, and I get the kiss I’ve been thinking about since the moment I first saw him. He knows I need help in this moment, and his hands hold me steady. We’re making a firm, warm, confident press together. I can handle this, it’s completely fine. In fact, the feel of his finger underneath my ear is giving me more of a shiver than our mouths. It’s a privilege to smell his skin this close.

What was I worried about? I’m doing it and it’s fine. As the thought crystallizes and I relax, he moves our lips and his hand slides the zip down my back, and I feel it everywhere. That’s the part I’ve forgotten about. Movement. He’s easing my mouth open in a confident way. I know it’s practice he’s gotten with a lot of other girls but I can hardly care when I’m in the hands of someone so capable.

My stomach is in free fall, and this kiss gives me an adrenaline boost I could not have anticipated. It’s obscene, this beautiful mouth on mine. I pull him closer, closer, closer. Show me what you know. Teach me what I don’t. I don’t care that he’s leaving when I could have him for this moment in time.

There are hundreds of minutes that could be filled with kissing before he disappears.

And as suddenly as it began, I am now back in that lonely place: life when I am not being kissed by Teddy Prescott. I didn’t even get my hands into his hair.

He’s resisting my hands as I try to pull him down again, but any rejection I might feel is stroked away by his palm on my bare back. In a blink, I realize he needs a moment to compose himself. I know this is someone who’s kissed a lot of girls, so to see him so shocked makes me dizzy. “Whoa, you’re good,” he breathes like it’s a confession. “You’re so, so good at kissing.”

“Can I help with anything, Ruthie?” Kurt says through the door. Even he thinks he works at a boutique now. What is he going to do? Go grab me a different size?

Teddy pulls his hand out of my dress, and just as I think we’re done, he reaches down and spreads his hand on my butt. We stare into each other’s eyes. His are sharp with jealousy. “No, I’m fine,” I say in a very strange voice.

“Hey, I’m going to send you a friend request, if you want to message later,” Kurt says in a confiding tone through the door. Teddy’s hand on my butt is squeezing tighter and I don’t have a brain cell left to answer. “Well, yeah,” Kurt says after a long silence. Poor guy, how awkward. “Think on it.”

“Yeah, think on it,” Teddy whispers against my earlobe. “You want him in here with you, not me?” His perfect teeth bite. I want to nail the door shut. “Maybe next time I’ll give you a real kiss.”

“A real one?” My skeleton slithers out the soles of my feet.

He laughs and rubs a thumb across my burning cheek. When I take a sidelong glance at the mirror, I see our differences full length; he’s so big, so dangerous-looking, but the hand on my chin is artful and light. All this time, I thought we were mismatched, but under the clothes, down to the skin, I think we’re more nicely matched than I thought. I am a fantastic color after a few touches of his mouth. He’s supernatural.

“You like looking at us in the mirror. I’ll remember that. Do you know what I’m saying?” His mouth lifts in a sexy smile. “No, don’t be embarrassed. It’s more fun for us both if you tell me the truth about what you like.”

“I don’t know what I like.” That’s pure honesty. “But I’m pretty open-minded.”

“Ohh boy. I’d better get out of here before I get carried away.” He smirks in the direction of Kurt. “I’m glad I’m around to fend off your admirers.”

“Ruthie,” Melanie says through the door. “We couldn’t find any jumpsuits, but I found you the cutest playsuit.” I open the door half an inch and she hands it in. “I don’t know where Teddy is, but I’ve got to reel him in,” she says through the door hinge. “He’s being ridiculous.”

“He usually is,” I reply just to make him pull that affronted face.

“So Kurt’s into you, and he’s pretty much what you wrote on your clipboard.”

“Yeah, I guess,” my voice squeaks when the big hand on my butt squeezes again.

“Teddy’s deliberately sabotaging you. He can’t be a part of the Sasaki Method if he deliberately derails things, just to keep himself on your couch. I’ll go see if he’s outside …” Her grumbling voice disappears.

I look up at him. “Is she wrong?”

“Not really. I’ll be damned if I give up my place as Ruthie’s Favorite Man.” That’s all he thinks about. Himself, my cheese, my couch, my adoration. He doesn’t think about what happens to me after he leaves. After Mel leaves.

When Sylvia returns, and winter comes to Providence, I will be alone and it will be harder than ever before.