So much for pulling myself together.

We stayed where we were, both holding on to each other while the tears slid down my cheeks. Finally, I sucked in breath and managed, with a tremendous effort of will, to pull myself together.

When I did, Luke’s thumbs swiped at my cheeks and he whispered, “Tell me.”

I closed my eyes slowly and just as slowly, I opened them.

Then, I told him. “He was taping me to the post, I already had tape over my mouth. He heard you come in and told me he had a gun. He told me if I made a sound, he’d blow my head off and then yours. I heard you call for me, I made a move to try and get away and he warned me again. We listened to you move around upstairs, he said he wanted to make it interesting and he touched me. You left, he’d got excited and he finished himself off. Then he finished taping me, told me to get you to make Vance back off and then he left.”

It was his turn to close his eyes.

“I could have stopped it,” he murmured.

I shook my head and my hands tightened. “He would have killed us both.”

His eyes opened. “He’s a con man, not a killer.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know it.”

“You can’t know it.”

“I know it.”

“Luke –”

“I know it because I’m not a con man but I am a killer.”

My breath froze in my lungs but I still managed to breathe. “What?”

“That’s part of who I was, it isn’t who I am now but it isn’t something you forget how to do.”

Panic filled me and oxygen came back into my lungs with a burning whoosh.

“Stop talking,” I begged on a whisper.

“I’ve said it before, babe, but maybe you didn’t clue in.”

“Stop talking.”

“You gotta know who you’ve let in your bed.”

“Stop.”

“You wanna end it now, you say the word and I’ll walk away. I’m still goin’ after him, I’m still gonna make him pay. But I’ll be out of your life.”

“Stop talking!” Now my hands were gripping his head, lungs burning so hot I was finding it hard to breathe.

“Say the word now, you don’t, I’m never letting you go.”

“Please, Luke, stop talking.”

“You gotta make the decision now, Ava.”

“Shut up,” I whispered.

“You can’t deny this and you can’t deal with this later, it has to be now. I’m not gettin’ used to sharin’ my life with you and havin’ you take off on me. You don’t say the word now and you can’t deal with it later and you think to leave, I’m warnin’ you, I’ll come after you.”

“Shut up!” This time, I shouted it.

“You make the decision, either I walk out and leave you in here or we walk out together. We walk out together, that’s it. Things get tough, we fight, it doesn’t matter, we deal. You don’t buy tickets to St. Croix, you don’t give me the silent treatment, we deal. We walk out of here together and you use this, or anything else you can conjure up, to shut me out, I’m tellin’ you babe, it’s not gonna be good. In our scenario, we aren’t switchin’ roles so I’m forced to live your Mom’s life while you take off and live your Dad’s.”

Oh… my… God.

He did not just say that.

“You didn’t just say that,” I whispered, letting go of his head, pulling mine from his hands and leaning back.

“I said it. You know the worst in me and I know it’s bad but I’m not hidin’ anything. I’m givin’ you the chance to decide. You tell me to walk, I won’t like it, but I’ll do it.”

Okay, that was it. I’d had enough.

“You are such a jerk!” I snapped and gave him a shove that was so hard, he rocked back at the shoulder. I was too angry to realize I’d finally scored a physical push. Instead, I kept ranting. “You know, Lucas Stark, the reason I got contacts and lost weight was because you hugged me at your Dad’s funeral and later I overheard Marilyn and Sofia making fun of me, and you, because we looked stupid together. You, hot, handsome Luke hugging me, Fatty, Fatty Four-Eyes. They said the sight of us made them throw up a little. They said you had to be g*y to hug me. I vowed, vowed,” I shouted the last word at the top of my lungs, caught in a dramatic tizzy I could not control and didn’t even try, “that you wouldn’t lay eyes on me again until I could be held by you and if anyone saw us no one would throw up a little or think we didn’t look right together.”

I was on a roll, so on a roll, I didn’t notice the air in the room change again. Nor did I notice the look and feel of Luke changed. I just kept right on yelling.

“And last night when you thought I was sorting through stuff in my head, I wasn’t. I was remembering that motorcycle ride you gave me, after which you got in serious shit with your Dad and my Mom and you called me precious cargo. So I wasn’t sorting through stuff in my head, you pulled me through last night and you didn’t even know it, you big idiot.”

I shoved him again, this time his shoulder didn’t go back. I didn’t notice that either. I just kept on raging.

“You told me that it felt good when we were growing up to know I thought you could move mountains because you needed that. Well, you knew what I grew up with! I couldn’t have gotten through it without knowing you were across the street and you were the only person in my life who gave a shit. Other than Sissy, you were the only person in my life who gave a shit!”

“Ava –

“I’m talking now,” I interrupted him using a line he’d used on me. I ignored the side of his mouth going up in one of his sexy half-grins and kept on going. “So I don’t care who you were for eight years, it doesn’t change who you are to me. So don’t give me any ultimatums and don’t threaten me. I am who I am, a big dork who makes mistakes and deals the best way I can. I’m going to keep making mistakes and being a big dork because that’s who I am. You can’t deal with it, then you best walk out that door because that’s the way it is.”

I stopped talking and realized, first, that I was breathing heavily and second, that I had been shouting the whole time and it was likely everyone could hear.