Blaise had chosen me. He’d broken through the walls I had up, though I didn’t feel like I’d really had the chance to build them with him. He was just in, and that terrified me.

But I couldn’t do anything about it now, except ride the wave as long as I was on it. When he would leave, I’d crash and hope to survive it. Because that’s what was going to happen. He would leave. I wasn’t being dramatic. I was being realistic.

I wasn’t the girl for a happily ever after. I never had been. I’d always known that.

Happily ever afters were for girls who were, I don’t know, loveable—liked by people. They weren’t freaks. They didn’t have damage. They didn’t go camping alone for days, weeks, and one time a full month by themselves. They thought that was crazy and ridiculous.

When I woke from the accident, I hadn’t just mourned Owen. I’d mourned the life I’d thought maybe I had a chance at having. He died, and I knew my shot at being normal went with him. People left me, so whatever. I needed to deal with it.

Right?

Right.

Still, I was fully aware that I shouldn’t have been scared to call my older brother.

“Just do it, Aspen,” I said out loud. I could do this.

My hand shook, but I couldn’t keep going this way.

I hit his number and waited, sitting with my knees pressed against my chest at my desk. It wasn’t the most comfortable, but it helped me feel safer. I felt like disappearing.

“Hey!”

Oh my God, he answered.

“Nate?” I coughed, my voice coming out shaky.

“Yeah. Aspen? What’s up?” I could hear voices on his end, and then he cursed. “You haven’t called me in forever. Wait, is everyone okay? I just saw Mom and Dad. Are they—”

“No!” My hands were clammy. I hadn’t thought about him jumping to that scenario. “They’re still in LA—for work, I think. Or maybe they were staying for a benefit.”

“Oh.” He sounded relieved, and the noises behind him disappeared. His voice came back clearer, louder. “So what’s up? It’s not every day my little sis gives me a call.”

He sounded cheerful, like he meant it.

I cried with relief. Why had I been nervous? Nate had never been unkind to me. Ever.

“I…” Still shaky.

I was such a freak.

I coughed again. “I was just calling to call. You know. Um…” I picked at the edge of my desk. “Mom said you were in LA?”

“Yeah. I’m here visiting some people.”

Cool, cool.

So cool.

Um. . . “So, uh, are you still in Boston?”

His tone shifted, growing softer for some reason. “Yeah. I’m still in Boston. I’m living with a friend who’s in law school. You remember Mason Kade?”

“He’s not the one in law school.”

“No, no. I’m living with his brother, Logan. We were all in a house with Mase and Sam, but that didn’t last long.”

“The NFL guy and the runner?”

He laughed. “Yeah. Sam’s the runner.”

Mom was right. He did sound happy.

“You’re at Fallen Crest Academy now?”

“Uh-huh, yeah.”

“How’s that going for you?”

“It’s okay. I mean, we’re basically done for the year. I’m done for the year.”

“Right.” He grew quiet. “Owen would’ve graduated this Sunday. Right? Your guys’ graduation is the same as Roussou’s, isn’t it?”

I frowned. “How did you know that?”

“Know what?”

“When Roussou was graduating?”

“Some good friends of mine, Channing’s little sister goes to Roussou. She’s graduating this year. Actually, I’m coming back to Fallen Crest not this weekend but the next one. Heather’s throwing a party for Bren—”

“Bren?!” I jerked upright.

“Bren Monroe. Do you ever hang out at Manny’s? Her brother’s girlfriend is the owner.”

Bren.

Cross’ girlfriend.

Blaise’s brother’s girlfriend.

Bren, who had come to my defense at the gas station, who I had helped hide at a party one time. She was connected connected to my brother.

Did she know?

“Aspen?” Nate asked, his voice faint and soft again. “You still there?”

“Yeah.” My voice was raspy, and I hated it.

Why was this bothering me?

“Does she know you?” I asked.

“Who?”

“Bren.”

There was a moment of silence on his end.

“Do you know Bren?” he asked.

“Does she know you, Nate?” I whispered. “Please, just answer that.”

If Bren knew my brother when I barely did? That thought ripped me apart.

“No, Aspen.” He sounded alarmed. “Do you know Bren?”

Silence.

“Aspen?”

“Not really.” I barely got that out, sinking down in my chair. Could I disappear? I wanted to disappear.

“Why are you being weird about this?”

“No reason,” I said quickly.

Please let this go.

“I’m not getting a good feeling here. Why is that? What’s going on? Are you okay?” he asked. “You never call me. Mom said you’re doing great, but…” He cursed. “Mom and Dad are in LA this weekend?”

He already knew that.

“Owen would’ve graduated this year.”

His voice grated against my ears. He wasn’t getting it, and then I started to get it… Had Mom never told him?

I was supposed to graduate this year too.

I had been bumped up a year because my birthday was in late May. I was never too far behind, but never quite in sync with my class. Most were turning eighteen. Most were starting to feel like adults, and I had just turned seventeen two weeks ago.

Another way I’d never been normal.

I thought Nate knew, but it happened when he wasn’t talking to the family. It could’ve been overlooked and forgotten to fill him in because it was so normal when he started talking to us again.

I had to stop this conversation.

I didn’t want Nate alarmed. I didn’t want him calling our parents.

“You’re going to be alone the day Owen would’ve graduated, aren’t you?”

It was too late. He was going to call them.

“Don’t say anything. Please.”

“Aspen.”

I could hear his disapproval, but even worse, I heard his pity.

I couldn’t stand his pity.

“Please. If you call Mom and Dad, they’ll come back. I don’t want them to do that. It’s fine.”

“No, they won’t. They’ll understand.”

He truly didn’t know. That was okay, though. That was better.

“You don’t get it, Nate. I can’t go there.” I couldn’t sit in those chairs. “I can’t wait for the moment when they would’ve called his name.” When instead they’ll call mine.

He was quiet for a long, long time.

I waited, scarcely able to breathe.

“Okay,” he finally said.

My hands shook. My arms trembled. My knees were boneless.

“Thank you.”

“What are you going to do instead? You shouldn’t be alone, Aspen. I get not wanting Mom and Dad there, but what about your older brother? I can fly back. I can come early. It’s no problem. I have a buddy I can see in LA during the week too.”

I opened my mouth to tell him no, but then I thought about it. Blaise would be graduating that day. Blaise was popular. There’d be parties galore for him.

If Nate were here with me, Blaise could go without me, and he could party. He could come to me that night.

So, why not? “That actually sounds good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I felt tears on my cheeks. “I’ll see you on Sunday?”

“I’ll book a flight and let you know when I’m arriving. We’ll do brother-sister stuff all day. Sounds good?”

“Sounds great.”

“Okay. Love you, Aspen. I mean that.” Another beat. “We should do these calls more.”

“Agreed.” I smiled, and we hung up not long after that.

Well, go me. This was progress.

I think…

26

Blaise

It was the end of the day, and I’d just turned in my last project.

Tomorrow was a skip day for all seniors, so we were done. I never kept anything in my locker except what I needed for class, and all those notebooks had been tossed. I could grab a pen and not come back till Sunday for graduation.

“Heard about your showdown with Daniels.” Zeke fell against the locker next to mine.

I frowned at it, realizing someone must’ve used it, but I’d never seen them. Then a guy stopped, looked at Zeke, and turned to go.

“Hey,” I called after him.

I didn’t know the guy. He was smaller, and wearing the old uniform, though it wasn’t mandatory anymore. He looked at me, but didn’t come over.

I gestured to Zeke. “That your locker?”

The guy swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “Yeah.”

“You need in there?”