I grunted and held up a fist.

He hit it with his own.

“You and me both.” Works in progress.

He studied me a second. “That chick helping you?”

I nodded. “I think so. I’m not a dick when I’m around her.”

“So you going to finally tell me her name?”

I smirked. “Like you don’t know. And no, I’m not officially telling you.”

“What?” His eyes flared. “Why not? I’m your best friend.”

Yeah, I supposed he was. But I couldn’t risk it.

He knew. I knew he knew, because Zeke was like that, but with me not telling him, the gates were still closed. He couldn’t go fanboy over her brother’s best friend. That’d be weird and awkward, and a scene I didn’t want to deal with.

“Not yet.” I watched him from the corner of my eye, gauging his reaction. “You gotta trust me. It’s too new.”

He settled. “I get that, but you know I know, right?”

“Don’t.” I scowled. “Don’t.”

He frowned. “Why? ’Cause of the girls?”

He knew why, but okay. Let’s go with the girls instead.

I shrugged, stretching my legs out. “Partly. And partly because I care about her and it’s new to me too. I’ve never given a shit like this about anyone, including you. It’s unsettling.”

I was tired of all this personal sharing.

“Why do I feel like we should throw down anyway?” I asked him. “Just for old times’ sake?”

Zeke’s smile was blinding. “Right. I get it. We’re still dicks. Don’t worry.”

“Speak for yourself. You’ve become a pansy.”

“Hey.” He rounded on me, his face twisted before he saw I was joking.

But was I?

He punched my shoulder. “Don’t call me that again.”

I laughed. “Pussy. Your favorite word.”

He scowled, but started to laugh. “Yeah. I love that word. Did you know there was a chick from Roussou telling people she and I were dating? We hooked up a few times, but that was it.”

I shook my head. “I was the one who you told that, and I’m not surprised.” Though, to clarify, I didn’t know she’d been telling people she was dating him, but I was the one who gave her a name since Zeke just recognized her face and would drag her off somewhere private when he saw her. He’d never taken the time to remember her name. It wasn’t an altogether uncommon scenario for him.

“I’m sure you’ve had five girlfriends this year you know nothing about.”

He cursed softly. “That’s not something I’m proud of.”

No, it shouldn’t be. And I wasn’t proud of my own indiscretions.

I sighed. “We might’ve turned into assholes for a while, but we can be better.”

“Yeah.”

If anyone had told me I’d be sitting on these bleachers, having this conversation with Zeke, I would’ve punched them in the face.

But here I was.

And we were having this talk.

And I suddenly felt like I really did have a best friend.

I swore. “No one can know we talked like this to each other.”

He shook his head vigorously. “Hell no. Either of us talks, and the other can punch him in the dick, without pants.”

Sounded perfect to me. “Deal.”

We were heading back and through the empty halls when Zeke slowed up.

“Shit.” He cast me a worried look. “You gonna handle that okay or you want a distraction?”

I thought he’d seen Aspen at first, that she’d come to school, and I got excited. Then I saw Mara loitering by my locker and my chest deflated.

I shook my head. “Nah. I got this.”

It was time, and judging by the look on her face, she knew it. Zeke headed out, but I focused on Mara. She looked as if she’d rather be anywhere else, but she was in front of my locker for a reason.

“Hey.”

She closed her eyes, shaking her head. “Jesus.”

I chuckled. “Sorry.”

I waited. It didn’t seem like my place to start this conversation.

She leaned against my locker, folding her arms over her chest, and she looked away. “So you’re dating her?”

“Yeah.”

My response was quiet, but honest. I’d always promised honesty.

She blinked a few times, her throat moving.

“And you care for her?” Her words came out strangled.

Fuck. More honesty. “Yeah.” She had to know. She deserved that much. “She’s mine, Mara. She’s just… She’s mine.”

A tear slipped down one of her cheeks. She wiped it with the back of her hand. “Okay.” She nodded, blinking to keep more tears from falling. “Okay. I’m probably going to sleep with Zeke to get back at you. Full disclosure.”

I laughed. “Okay.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You’re supposed to care if I do that. Fuck you. I can see now that you don’t.” Her voice rose. “But if she did—”

A burst of anger lit in my stomach, and she saw it.

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Yeah. I see that now. You’d go apeshit if Zeke touched her.”

I sighed. “What do you want me to say? We were never exclusive. I told you that. I never promised anything.”

“I kept myself just for you. We were exclusive on my end. I did that for you.”

The bell rang, and we had a nanosecond before the hall was flooded. Piss-poor timing.

“I never asked you to do that.”

“You wouldn’t have touched me if I hadn’t. And I know you liked that I kept myself for you.”

The doors opened, and people streamed out.

Mara didn’t seem to care. She shoved me against the locker. Someone gasped, and then the whispers started, the buzzing rose in volume as word was already getting around. This shit would be all over social media in two seconds, and I saw the first camera snapping our pic. Someone else was out and out recording us.

I flipped it off. “Take it down or I’ll bust that phone to pieces.”

The guy’s eyes bugged out and he quickly deleted it. He was gone in the next second, scurrying off through the crowd.

Mara glared like she wanted to kill me. “We’re going to make her life hell. Full disclosure,” she sneered. “I’m the nice one in the group. Not anymore. That girl is going to wish she was dead by the time we’re done with her.”

I saw red and started for her.

Someone screamed beside me, startled at how quickly I’d moved, but I caught myself, holding back.

“Don’t,” I warned, and I was real serious. “Don’t you dare hurt her.”

“She’s a loser, Blaise. What are you doing falling for her? Claiming her? You’re a loser.” She gave me a onceover, but she’d lost her heat. She didn’t mean what she was saying, and then she was just crying. “I hate you. I hate you so much.”

“Mara.” I reached for her, but I didn’t know why. To hold her? Comfort her? I couldn’t do either.

“No,” she choked out, turning and pushing her way through the crowd.

I hung my head. “Fuck!”

25

Aspen

I was sweating bullets, my phone next to me.

Blaise was in school for the last Thursday of the year, and I was sitting in my room. I wished I could talk to him.

Was this dumb of me? A stupid idea?

What sister was nervous about calling her brother? I mean, that alone made me a freak, right?

It wasn’t that Nate didn’t like me, but he was older than me. When he went back to Fallen Crest, he’d been angry, and with reason.

Owen and I had understood it even back then.

Nate had been close with his friend, and then Mom and Dad pulled him away. If someone pulled me away from Owen, I’d—well, maybe that wasn’t a good comparison.

But anyway, Nate and I had always gotten along. When I saw him, he was kind. He said all the things a big brother should say. He asked me how I was, teased me about dating. He asked about school. He asked who my friends were. And those questions were all easy to answer, but they were surface questions. Nate and I never went deep. I never felt like I had a right to ask him about his life, so I sat back and let Mom do the talking. What if he told her the kinds of things I told him? What if he wasn’t fully truthful because he didn’t want Mom and Dad to actually know how he was doing?

He had reason not to trust them. I got it. I wasn’t honest with my parents either. It was easier for them to think everything was fine, and for the most part, everything was fine.

I mean, really, what was my problem?

I had anything I could ask for, except maybe friends.

Having Blaise in my life was opening my eyes. It was as if I’d been living in a room with the shades drawn, the windows closed, and the light off. And I didn’t know it. I hadn’t known there was a world with lights on, the windows open.

Now I wanted things I’d never had before, like friends. How did I get some? Were they worth it? Or maybe not? Maybe they’d just leave too?

This made me feel like a dramatic, angsty teen because yeah, yeah, everyone leaves. That’s how life works. The world goes around and relationships start and end, but saying that to taunt myself and actually living it were entirely different things.