“Speaking of Aaron, does he know who it is now?”

Holly nodded. “I told him a few days ago. He was pissed, to say the least. He didn’t say anything. He just slammed the door to our apartment and didn’t come back until two a.m.”

“I’m sorry, Holly.”

She smiled sadly. “You shouldn’t be the one apologizing.”

Even though I knew she was there to apologize to me, I still felt like I did something wrong. I mean, was I so messed up that people had to hide the truth from me regardless of the cost to them?

“He was, or is a great group leader, but he’s an even better friend, Alyssa. Demetri found out and immediately begged me to tell you, I pleaded with him to keep the secret. Granted, as a group leader they do sign contracts about that kind thing, remember the gag order?”

A light went on in my head. Of course I remembered. At the time I thought it was to protect infamous Demetri. Weird how it ended up protecting Holly, and in the end, me.

“Will you ever be able to forgive me?” Holly began to cry, her shoulders shook with emotion.

“Holly…” I felt my own voice quiver. “It’s in the past.

What’s done is done. I’m still in shock, so it’s going to take a while to get over it, but honestly, by not forgiving you I just hurt myself and in the end, I hurt the guy I love.”

“Brady?”

I shook my head. “Demetri.”

“You should go talk to him,” she encouraged me.

“I was planning on it.”

“I’ll leave you to it.” She patted my hand and then pulled me into a hug. “Thanks Alyssa, for everything.”

I watched Holly leave. A new sense of calm washed over me.

Demetri kept something from me, but at the same time it wasn’t as if he could come out and tell me. He was the group leader after all. When I really thought about it, I was more embarrassed than hurt.

Sam knew the whole time and he never told me. That sucked. Not only did my friends all abandon me, but they knew what Brady was doing and did nothing to stop it or to protect me.

And then it hit me.

The only person who really had my best interest at heart was Demetri. And I threw something at his face.

I was clueless on what to say, but for some reason I felt like I was on the edge of discovering something really important. Maybe it was the exhaustion but I knew if I just saw Demetri it would make it better.

I wanted to surprise him with coffee. It was the least I could do after keeping him up half the night and assaulting him. I winced at the memory.

Throwing my purse into the car I quickly texted Nat and asked if Demetri was working today.

YUP & HE’S GRUMPY. WATCH OUT!

He usually took the afternoon shift. It was already noon. I quickly drove through town to the Safeway where our one and only Starbucks was located.

Sadly, I didn’t even know what he drank, but I guessed that for any recovering alcoholic or drug addict that it needed to be sweet. I mean, he ate taffy like it was going out of style.

I ordered two caramel macchiatos and hightailed it back to Seaside Taffy. The car squealed to a stop as I slammed on the brakes next to the building. His usual corner was empty. Confused, I strolled inside, coffees in hand.

“Um, is Demetri working today?” I asked the guy at the counter.

“Hey, you’re Alyssa!” He seemed proud that he knew my name. I thought it was more creepy than anything. “I’m Evan. I was at the party last…” His words died out as he coughed awkwardly and looked away.

“Right.” I tried to ignore the heat pooling in my cheeks. “I need to see Demetri. It’s really important.”

Evan shrugged. “The boss gave him the day off. Said something about Demetri scaring customers.”

Something was wrong. I don’t know how I knew it, but something didn’t feel right. The hair on the back of my arms stood on end. Shaking, I backed away and then tried to run out of the store. Once I reached my car I pulled out my phone and called Demetri.

It went straight to voicemail.

“Answer!” I called again.

Same thing.

Desperate, I dialed Nat’s number and waited for her to answer.

“What’s up?”

“Do you know where Demetri is?” I panted, unlocking my car and carefully setting the coffee in the cup holders so it wouldn’t spill.

“He’s not at work?” Nat asked, confused. “Wait let me ask Alec.”

Nat screamed for Alec. I heard muffled voices, and then Alec was on the phone. “Alyssa?”

“Yeah, I’m looking for Demetri.”

Alec cursed. “Well, there goes that surprise.”

“Huh?”

“Never mind. He just went to Canon Beach to pick something up for you, said it would cheer you up or something. I don’t know. Anyway he left about fifteen minutes ago.”

“Thanks.”

I hung up the phone. Should I go home? Should I chase after him? I turned off my car and walked across the street to my parents’ store. Maybe my dad could at least enjoy the coffee I bought.

The door jingled when I walked in. “There she is!” My dad announced as if I’d been missing.

I gave him a weak smile.

“You should have a bigger smile on your face than that after what that boy is doing for you!”

“Huh?”

“The boy.” My dad repeated as if the boy was in fact Demetri’s’ name.

“Demetri?” I asked. “What’s he doing?”

“Getting your favorite taffy.”

“I don’t have a favorite taffy…” I said slowly. “Unless?” On family vacation my parents had taken me to a taffy store that had the best peppermint taffy I’d ever had in my entire life. I swore to them it was the best taffy in the world. Whenever I got sad my parents offered to help me work on our recipe to make peppermint taffy. It never tasted the same.

“Is he going to Canon Beach Taffy?”

My dad shrugged. “Can’t say.”

“Is he?” I repeated more urgently.

“Yes.”

“Dad…” I paced in front of him. “I have to run, but I know I work this afternoon and…”

“Go, I think I can handle my own store.”

I ran out to the car and hopped in. The minute I turned the ignition I froze. What was I doing? I hadn’t driven that far out of Seaside since before the accident? Why was I going after him?

Urgency coursed through me. I could do this. I had to see him — I had to talk to him.

He needed to know that I loved him too. That even though it hurt, I wanted him in my life.

A familiar fear plagued me as I turned off the main Seaside Highway and started heading down Highway 101.

Cars passed me as my car still hadn’t gotten up to speed. But I was trying to be cautious.

One mile. Two miles. Three miles. I couldn’t stop staring at the mile markers. Once I hit ten, I knew it was only a bit farther before I reached the store.

And then the sound of sirens assaulted me.

I tried to ignore the panic in my heart. Tried and failed as I slowly came up to an accident, an accident that was literally one mile away from the one Brady and I had been in.

A black Mercedes was wrapped around the telephone pole.

My stomach dropped, and the light that Demetri had ignited within me, died.

I pulled over and watched in absolute horror as they directed traffic through one lane. I couldn’t move. No. This wasn’t happening. It wasn’t. I shook my head back and forth. No.

I hit my hands against the steering wheel as my entire body started convulsing. Everything felt numb, but at the same time, I was still able to hear my heart as it slammed in my chest. Each thump was like another reminder that I never got to tell Demetri how I felt. He would never know that the love I felt for him was more than Brady — it was everything.

And now he was gone.

I jumped out of the car praying it was a nightmare, begging God to take it all back! It was me. I deserved to die, not him. Not him! It was all my fault. All because he thought I needed cheering up. He stayed with me last night, he held me while I tried to attack him.

And now he was gone.

My heart couldn’t take it.

It was impossible. A person’s soul can only take so much before they finally give up, before they finally want to die too.

I stumbled as I tried to cross the street, not caring that cars were going by me. If they hit me, fine. At least I’d be with him, At least then I could tell him how I felt.

An officer began yelling at me. Soon I felt hands grab my arms and throw me against my own car.

I pushed against him. “Who is that? Whose car is that?” I yelled.

“Ma’am, we need you to stand back.”

“No!” My voice shook. “I need… I need…” I began hyperventilating. The officer helped me to the ground and instructed me to calm down.

Right. Because telling someone who can’t breathe to calm down is actually helpful. If he wasn’t a cop and if I wasn’t dying of heartbreak I would have flipped him off.

All the air felt like it had been sucked out of the universe. All that was left was pain. I was so damn tired of feeling pain.

“I’ll take care of her,” a familiar voice said through the haze of my choking. I gasped for more air as soon as I recognized the voice. Demetri? He didn’t say another word. He sat down on the cold wet ground and pulled me into his body, placing his hands on my chest, he whispered in my ear, “Breathe. Just follow me, okay?”

Too panicked to do anything, I nodded as he breathed in my ear, pressing down on my chest when it was time to exhale and letting up when it was time to inhale.

I closed my eyes against the flow of warm tears streaming down my face.

“I love you.” I gasped, shaking violently in his arms. Done. I was so incredibly done with being sad, with being traumatized. “I thought… I thought something happened to you! Promise me, Demetri. Promise me nothing will ever happen to you.”

He sighed heavily in my ear. “I can’t. But if I died tomorrow, know that I loved you with my entire being today.”

Chapter Thirty-four

Demetri

I wasn’t sure she could drive herself home, so I made her ride with me and told Nat and Alec to come get her car for her.

I’d been driving back into Seaside when I saw her fight off the cop on the side of the road. My first instinct was to pull over and wait in the car. I mean, clearly she was getting a ticket, right?

And then I noticed her shaking body. She was convulsing.

What the hell had the cop done to her? I quickly jumped out of my car and ran over to her. The minute I touched her, my eyes fell on the accident. I hadn’t really paid much attention. I figured I needed to keep my eyes on the road, considering most accidents get made worse by other drivers gawking.

But I saw it.

The black Mercedes, which of course a chick wouldn’t know, but I knew, was way cheaper than mine.

And it was outside Seaside, almost to Canon Beach, which meant only one thing. Alyssa had somehow gone after me and thought I died. Shit. And then when she asked me to promise her never to leave or die? Yeah, kind of impossible. If it was possible to live forever just so she would never experience heartache again, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’d do anything for her.