Great, my hell was right here surrounded by little kids in a tiny car forever going nowhere.

“Stop panicking.” Alyssa stepped toward me and reached into the car. Okay, so I wasn’t panicking, per se. I was actually doing fine until she reached her delicate hand into my personal space and slowly ran her hand down my knee and pulled it out from underneath the metal entrapment with ease.

Her eyes met mine as she slowly pulled back.

Holy hell. I was going to be showing a lot more than a smile, if I had to get out of this car now. And there were children present.

Great, I’m sure somewhere that meant a ticket, or at least prison.

I swallowed and took a few deep breaths before quickly jumping from the car and grabbing her hand. Together, we ran out of there into the cool night air, which helped me alleviate the situation.

Well, that and the cold rain then pelting my face.

“Did you drive down here?” I pulled her into a nearby store so we wouldn’t get soaked.

“Yeah, my car’s down C Street.”

“Mine’s down that way too. I’ll walk you to your car.”

Her face scrunched up into a frown. “Is our date over?”

I grinned like a fool. “Lyss, this wasn’t a date.”

Her face fell.

I pulled her into a hug even though she fought me. “My dates are way cooler than this. I can promise you that.”

“Oh yeah?” she challenged.

I chuckled and kissed her hair. “Yeah, this was just for cheering up.”

“Who says I’m sufficiently cheered?” She pulled away and put her hands on her little hips.

“Fine.” I licked my lips and leaned in. “What else will cheer you up?”

“My turn.” She grabbed my hand and dragged me outside.

We ran down the street until we reached the old carousel mall.

With a giant grin she tugged me inside. We jogged past people and then stopped right in front of the carousel.

“No.” I crossed my arms. “I’ve gotta put my foot down. No riding with little kids. They have germs.” And there was just something about riding a fake horse or bunny in circles that reminded me of too many drug trips gone bad.

Alyssa rolled her eyes. “You aren’t going to be riding the horse or the bunny, so stop complaining. I promise it will be really fun, okay?”

I exhaled. “Fine. So what are we doing?”

My eyes kept focusing on the animals as they went in circles.

The music only made it worse. How does this cheer a person up?

And then I saw it.

Alyssa jumped onto the carousel.

She was riding the seal.

Like a little kid.

She even put the seatbelt around her.

Her laugh was like a punch to the gut. So clear and pretty.

She threw her head back and laughed as the carousel continued going in circles. I pulled out my phone and took pictures. And then I just couldn’t handle it anymore.

I had to be by her.

It was like she was giving me a glimpse of the girl she could be. Happy, carefree. God, I’d never seen her smile so big in the whole time I’d known her. She was beautiful. Like supermodel, I want to screw your brains out, take you home to meet my parents, then marry you, beautiful.

I jumped onto the moving carousel and quickly made my way to the seal. The little sign in the middle of the carousel said Only one rider per animal. To her right was a frog. I shrugged. I could ride a frog. I made my way toward the frog, and that same little Darth Vader kid, cut me off and stole my animal!

I gritted my teeth and looked to her other side.

A freaking unicorn.

I lifted my eyes heavenward and moved to the pink unicorn, praying that the parents and kids didn’t shoot a video of this and send it to TMZ.

Muffling curses, I jumped on the unicorn and looked at Alyssa. She was dying laughing. I soon joined in, but the little Darth Vader kid, AKA Satan, started yelling.

“He’s not wearing his seatbelt!”

“Fine.” I gave him a tight smile and wrapped the seatbelt around me. I still couldn’t figure out why carousels had seatbelts. I mean, if you were going to fall off of it, you’d still fall. You’d just slide to the side of the animal and look all kinds of inappropriate.

That’s all I needed. A picture of me humping the unicorn.

That would go over really well with concert sales.

“See.” Alyssa leaned over and touched my knee. I was suddenly very thankful for the seatbelt, because her touch jolted me so much I nearly fell off the damn horse. “This is fun, isn’t it?”

I laughed. “It’s fun, because you’re fun. Don’t for one second think I like riding a unicorn.”

“You kind of do,” she argued.

I looked down. Okay, so it was kind of fun. “No, I don’t.”

“Then why you are smiling?”

“For the kids.” I nodded. “I want to be a good sport.”

“You’re a god among men,” she agreed.

I felt myself blush. Crap, I hadn’t blushed for a girl. Ever.

“Thanks, Lyss. You’re right, this is fun.”

“I’m sorry, what?” She cupped her ear.

I threw my head back and laughed, then shouted. “This is the best day of my life!”

Much to the amusement of several little kids who joined in and began clapping.

Alyssa laughed, her shoulders shaking with amusement. As we got off of the carousel, she reached for my hand.

I held it the entire way to her car.

“So will I see you tomorrow?” I asked, feeling like a complete and total fool for wanting her as much as I did.

“I have to work.”

“Me too.” I shrugged. “I also gotta talk to Mrs. Murray. She said something about doing group twice a week if we survive our first meeting without killing one another.”

Alyssa tensed.

“It would be healthy for you, Alyssa.” The rain was coming down lightly now, a few drops landed on her cheek before she could wipe them away. She sniffed and looked away from me.

“Just think about it, okay?”

“Okay.” She leaned up and kissed my cheek.

Chapter Fifteen

Alyssa

The next day at work the shop was deserted, but Sundays were always like that. Once everyone got out of church it would be bustling with activity again. For now, it was dead, and I was irritated. The silence left me way too much time to think about group and Demetri.

I hated how easily I let my walls fall down when I was around him. Something about him made me want to be vulnerable, and it was terrifying. I picked up some of the taffy samples and popped a few in my mouth.

It made me smile.

“What are you grinning about?” My dad came around the corner with a few bags of mixed taffy in hand.

I shrugged. “Nothing, just happy.”

He dropped the taffy onto the counter, his eyes narrowing in inspection. “Are you on drugs?”

I burst out laughing. “Really Dad? Have I been that depressing to live with these past few years?”

His eyes dropped to the counter. “I’ve been worried.”

Sighing, I walked over to him and put my hand across his. I hated this part. Where I was supposed to tell him that everything was fine, and I was just going through a phase. I had repeated this conversation so many times aloud over the past few years that it was second nature.

But today was different.

I swallowed and fought the warm tears as I answered. “It’s been really hard.”

“I know, baby.” He immediately pulled me into his arms and kissed my hair. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could take the pain away, make it better.”

I sighed into his shirt. “It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not yours either.”

He didn’t know it. But it was my fault. If I hadn’t been distracting Brady, he would have never pulled over, and if he wouldn’t have pulled over he would still be alive. He’d be playing football at Boise State. I shrugged in an effort to brush him off. I couldn’t talk about it, not with him.

“Shift’s almost over. Is it okay if I leave early and go to the beach?” I patted my dad’s back and walked around him.

“Of course. Have fun, keep your cell on, okay?”

“Always.” I smiled, grabbed my purse, and quickly left the store. Cool air met me, and I was finally able to breathe without feeling like I was suffocating. I reached into my purse for one of my anti-anxiety meds.

I hated having to rely on pills to get me through the day.

I played with the pill bottle and decided against taking one.

Instead, I walked the boardwalk and listened to the waves. People walked by me, some waved, others were holding hands.

Seriously. Seaside had to be the worst place in the world to live if you were trying to nurse a broken heart. Something about being on a beach was a little too romantic for me to take in.

My cell phone buzzed.

COME OVR.

It was from Demetri.

After our non-date the night before, I hadn’t heard from him. I couldn’t help the broad smile that spread across my face.

ON MY WAY.

GR8.

I shoved my phone into my pocket and walked toward his house. It was only a mile away from city center. You could easily walk there from the boardwalk.

Once his house came into view, I picked up the pace. I was totally out of breath by the time I reached his door. I knocked twice and waited.

The door flung open.

It wasn’t Demetri.

“Hey,” the guy said. My eyes bugged. Holy crap! He had super dark hair and crystal blue eyes. He was just as big as Demetri, and his smile was absolutely killer. I felt myself blush, so I looked away.

“I, uh, I’m here to see Demetri.”

“Interesting,” hot guy said, crossing his arms. I assumed it was Demetri’s brother but couldn’t be sure. I’d never seen him up close.

“How so?” I countered.

The guy threw his head back and laughed. “You look nothing like I thought you would.”

“Um…” I tried to think of something to say, but my mind was completely blank. Was he making fun of me?

He laughed again.

This time I was pissed. “Look…” I braced my hand against the screen door and glared. “I don’t know who the hell you are, but I’m here to see my friend. Now wipe that ridiculous grin off of your face and let me in. Otherwise, I’m going to tell Bob you hit on me.”

His grin widened. He pushed the door open revealing Demetri. “She passed bro with flying colors.” He nodded his head in my direction and held out his hand. “Alec Daniels.”

“Your brother’s an ass.” This I directed toward Demetri, who looked like he was about ready to kiss me senseless and peel my shirt from my body. What did I do? How did I pass?

“I couldn’t agree more,” Demetri said, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “Come on in, I want you to meet someone else.”

I inched past Alec, who was at that very moment trying his hardest to keep me from actually entering the house, and grabbed Demetri’s outstretched hand.

“Nat!” he yelled.

I winced when he yelled for a second time.

“Hey!” Mrs. Murray’s daughter was suddenly in front of me. Honestly, it was like watching one of those teenage soap operas. Every player in the room was drop-dead gorgeous. I suddenly had the urge to burn all my clothes and get a makeover.