I looked up at Dr. Carmichael. “How do you get over something so horrible, so terrible, so…malicious and sick, that most people can’t even comprehend it?”

Dr. Carmichael let out a sigh. “You work hard. You have to want it. And it’s not enough to want it for another person. You have to want it for yourself. There’s something you’re hiding. I’ve known it since we first met. I’m willing to go the distance with you, Talon, and I’m willing to go at your pace. But know this. You do eventually have to open up about it. I will never be able to help you if you don’t.”

I’d heard the same words from Jonah so many times.

Dr. Carmichael continued, “You being here shows me that you do want to work through this. This is the third time we’ve seen each other, and you’ve been able to open up slightly more each time. So that’s a good thing. But I know there are things you’re hiding. I know that there’s a reason why you fainted that first time, why you became nearly catatonic last time. I’m willing to go as slow as you need to go.”

“How could that have happened?” I asked. “How could I have put my hands around her throat? I…love her.”

“Let’s change the topic for a minute. Let’s talk about your love for her. How do you know you love her?”

Good question. “I…don’t know. I’ve never loved anyone other than my parents and my siblings. And this is way different.”

“Of course it is.” She chuckled.

“It started as a craving, and then it became an obsession. I had to have her. And I thought that by having her once, I would be able to get rid of the desire. But instead, every time I had her, my desire for her multiplied.”

“That sounds like lust, not love.”

“That’s what it was at first. But as I got to know her, I started feeling more. And then suddenly it seemed like those feelings had been with me all my life, and it took her to evoke them.”

“And is the physical desire still there?”

“I want her as soon as I lay eyes on her. Every single time.”

“Is she in love with you?”

“She says she is. But there’s so much about me she doesn’t know.”

“She’s put her trust in you, Talon. Do you want a future with her?”

The question of the century. And the answer was yes. “Yes. Goddamnit, yes.” I wanted a future with Jade more than I wanted my next breath of air. “And I know I can’t have it unless I work through my own demons.”

“I think it would help to know what you were dreaming about when this event happened with Jade. Would you be willing to go through some guided hypnosis with me? We might be able figure out what caused you to put your hands around her neck.”

“Hypnosis? Is that some kind of voodoo bullshit?”

Dr. Carmichael laughed. “Hypnosis is, at its center, a state of relaxation. You usually feel calm and relaxed when you’re under. And quite frankly, relaxation of any kind would be really good for you.”

I couldn’t help a small smile. She was right about that. “I don’t know, Doc. I have a hard time giving up…”

“Control?” She smiled.

“Yes, control. I guess I’m kind of a textbook control freak.”

“You probably are. But just from the little bit I know about you, it makes perfect sense to me why you would want to be in control. You and I don’t know each other that well yet, so you may not trust me to hypnotize you.”

“I really don’t trust anyone, Doc. Except my brothers.”

“Do you trust Jade?”

“I’ve never really thought about it.”

“She trusts you.”

“Yeah, she thinks she does anyway. There’re still a lot of things she doesn’t know about me.”

“You can never know everything about another person. Tell me, based on what you know right now, and based on what you feel about her, do you trust Jade?”

The answer thrust itself into my head so quickly, I knew it had been there all along. “Yes. I trust Jade.”

“And are you absolutely sure that you’re in love with her?”

Warmth coated me, releasing the ice from my skin. Just the thought of her… “A hundred percent positive, Doc.”

“All right. Back to your control issue. When you’re hypnotized, you have heightened focus and concentration, and you’re more open to suggestion, but you don’t lose control over your behavior. It’s important that you know that. I think the hypnosis would be helpful, but it won’t do any good until you’re ready. So let’s switch topics to something else.”

“Fine with me. What do you want to know?”

“I think it’s time that you tell me everything that happened when you were ten.”

 

The boy was tied up, gagged, and thrown onto the backseat of an old brown Ford truck. He had lost track of time but thought they’d been driving for at least an hour. He wasn’t sure.

He hadn’t thrown up. He’d used all of his energy and will to keep the vomit from rising when one of the masked men had held a knife to his throat, telling him that if he made a noise or threw up, he would kill him.

And then the other one had…

The boy closed his eyes, wincing.

They’d forced him to watch. Forced him not to empty his stomach or his bowels.

The blood spattering, bones splintering, gelatinous goo sliming from Luke’s crushed skull…

Luke. The masked men had carved Luke into pieces and stuffed him into a black trash bag.

At least Luke hadn’t screamed.

He had already been dead.

The boy fought to keep from puking again. He’d already emptied his bladder. His urine-soaked jeans clung to him.

“Usually we keep them longer than this,” the man holding the blade to the boy’s neck had said. “We got tired of this one quickly. Those damned buckteeth of his… Didn’t work so well. Besides, you’re a lot prettier than he was.”

The evil voice echoed in the boy’s head as the truck screeched to a halt.

The boy was dragged out and his feet unbound.

“Here you are, boy,” one of them said. He had a low voice. “Home sweet home.”

Chapter Thirty-Two