And someone had gone to a lot of trouble to cover up that fact.

Chapter Thirty-One

Talon

“You left abruptly yesterday. Would you like to tell me why?”

I was back in the hunter-green chair at Dr. Carmichael’s office. She’d made room for me on her schedule right after my court appearance.

“I hardly ever sleep, but when I do, it’s plagued with nightmares.”

“Interesting answer to the question I asked.” Dr. Carmichael cleared her throat. “So I gather you don’t want to talk about why you left yesterday. That’s okay. We can talk about whatever you want to.”

“I want to tell you why I came in here.”

As difficult as it would be to talk about nearly choking Jade, it would be infinitely harder to talk about where we had left off the last time.

Luke’s small form—I could still see it on that bed.

But I couldn’t go there yet.

“All right,” Dr. Carmichael said. “Begin whenever you’re ready.”

“I’ve fallen in love.”

The words still seemed so foreign to me. But while the words were foreign, the feelings they evoked were not, almost as if they had been with me since the dawn of time. I just didn’t know them until now. It had taken Jade to release them.

Dr. Carmichael smiled. “That’s wonderful, Talon. The first time we talked, you said you didn’t have relationships.”

“I didn’t. At least, I never wanted to. Not until her.”

“And her is?”

“I told you about her before. My sister’s best friend. Her name is Jade.”

“That’s a very pretty name.”

I nodded. It was a pretty name. It was perfect for Jade. It sounded like warmth and caring and giving.

“So is Jade why you came in here, then?”

I nodded again. “Yeah. I scared myself the last time we were together.”

“How so?”

“We…had relations.”

“You mean you made love.”

I gulped. “Yes. Why is that so hard for me to say?”

“Because you’ve probably never made love to anyone before.”

“I’ve had plenty of experience.”

“You’ve had plenty of sex, you mean.”

I nodded. She was right.

“So what happened? You were making love…”

“Afterward, we were lying together. And I…fell asleep.”

“Okay. Nothing unusual about that.”

“It was for me. I don’t sleep very well. And I had never slept with another person before.”

“Never?”

I shook my head. “When I was in Iraq, I shared tents with the other guys sometimes. But this was…different.”

She smiled again. She had a nice, warm smile. No wonder Jonah had the hots for her.

“I would hope it was different.”

I couldn’t help a small chuckle at that. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Or maybe I did. I was going to stay with her through the night and through the next night as well.”

“Why?”

“It’s a long story. The guy I beat up was in town, her ex. He had taken her to dinner, which really pissed me off. So I didn’t want to let her out of my sight until this morning when we had court.”

“But you did let her out of your sight.”

“You know I did, because I was in here yesterday.”

She nodded. “Why?”

“When I fell asleep, I started dreaming and…” My skin compressed around my muscles, my nerves on edge. My legs cramped up, and I clenched the chair’s arm again.

“What did you dream about?”

I searched my mind to come up with something, but I couldn’t remember what I had been dreaming about. I only knew that I had been dreaming.

“So what happened?”

Fear froze the back of my neck. How could I say this without sounding like a monster? “I… I’m afraid to tell you.”

“Everything you say to me is in confidence. You know that.”

“Yes. I know. But what I did…”

“Did you hurt her?”

I gulped, my eyes misting. “No. Or not a lot. But I could have.”

“What exactly happened?”

“I woke up with my hands around her neck.”

Dr. Carmichael didn’t look fazed at all. Well, this was her job. Maybe she had heard worse.

“I see. And what happened?”

“Jade woke me up.”

“How did she do that?”

“She scratched me. Dug her fingernails from my shoulders down to my wrists and scratched me.” The scratches had started to scab up, but I felt them then, as if they were fresh. Like tiny daggers piercing my skin.

“Did she try waking you any other way?”

“I don’t know. She probably couldn’t scream at me because my hands were around her throat.”

Dr. Carmichael nodded. “Did Jade suffer any damage from what you did?”

“Her voice was slightly hoarse. But she said she was all right.” I shook my head. “And here’s the damnedest thing.”

“What?”

“She didn’t blame me. She wanted to help me. She said she knew I would never hurt her. I mean…she woke up to find me with my fingers around her neck, and then she says she knows I would never hurt her. What kind of person would say that?”

“A person who trusts you.”

I shook my head. “I don’t deserve her trust.”

“Well, Talon, you don’t really get a say in the matter. Her trust is hers and hers alone to give. It sounds like she’s chosen to give it to you.”

“I’m the last person in the world who deserves anyone’s trust.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because I’m…” Broken. I couldn’t force the word from my lips. Using that word would open up a bunch of questions about things I wasn’t ready to talk about yet.

But here I was, sitting in a shrink’s office. I was thirty-five years old, and I was in love for the first time in my life.

Maybe it was time to talk about it.

I wasn’t getting any younger, and deep within my soul, I knew I would never have a chance for a future with Jade unless I put my past to rest.