“But you didn’t, Talon. I stopped you.”

“What if you hadn’t been able to stop me?”

I still didn’t think he would’ve done me any harm, but I did have to consider that question. What if I hadn’t been able to stop him? The answer came to me instantly, and in the depth of my soul, I knew it as pure truth. “Then you would’ve stopped yourself.”

“Neither one of us can be sure of that,” he said, putting on his socks and then his boots. He sat on the futon, his neck glistening with perspiration. Sweat dripped from his brow.

He was scared.

I had never seen Talon scared.

I stood, my knees trembling, and went toward him. I maneuvered myself between his legs and stroked his hair as I stood. “It’s okay.” I kissed his head. “It’s okay to be scared sometimes. Everyone is.”

“Not me.” He shook his head vehemently. “I haven’t been scared for twenty-five years. Until now.”

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Talon

Had to get out. Had to get away from her. For her. Couldn’t risk hurting her.

Fear coursed through me like a bass drum beating slowly, surely…like a clock ticking deliberately…my impending doom on a timer, each sand in the hourglass one more second until I hurt Jade. How many more grains would fall until I damaged the only thing I’d ever wanted in the world?

Why would she want to be with me? I had just tried to strangle the life out of her!

“There’s nothing to be scared of,” she said in her calm, sweet voice.

But I knew better. I knew what I was capable of. What I dreamed about.

Of killing those three bastards.

I had thought that joining the military, commanding an EOD unit and finding and disarming bombs, possibly killing—which I had done on more than one occasion—would satisfy the need to rid the world of those three demons who took me all those years ago.

It hadn’t.

I still had the dreams.

She was stroking my forearm, her touch both soothing and scathing. My hair stood on end.

I didn’t deserve her loving touch.

God…if I ever hurt her…

But you didn’t.

Her words echoed in my mind. I turned around and looked at her. She was still naked, her beautiful body glistening in a sheen of perspiration. Her golden-brown hair was in disarray and hung around her shoulders like tousled silk. Her blue eyes were searching, looking for something in me…something she would never find.

I had been kidding myself for too long. I could never have Jade. I could never have a life with her. I was too broken. Too fucked up. And I would never put her in danger.

I hated myself at this moment. Wanted to go find a bridge and hurl myself into the oncoming traffic below.

I’d tried taking my own life before, when I ran into that enemy fire under the guise of saving my men. Only I hadn’t been killed, and I’d been touted as a hero.

Some hero. I couldn’t even keep the woman I love safe—safe from that fucking ex of hers…or safe from me.

I didn’t want to leave her. I had promised I would stay by her side until court on Monday morning.

“Talon”—she squeezed my forearm—“there’s something good in all this, you know.”

I shook my head and let out a small laugh. “What in the world could be good in all this, blue eyes?”

She smiled and trailed her fingers down my forearm, clasping my hand in hers. “You were sleeping.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. I was a notoriously bad sleeper, and when I did sleep, I was usually plagued by nightmares. Just as I had been this evening.

“Think back,” she said. “Think back about how you were feeling when we had just finished making love. That slow, sweet passionate love that was different from anything else we’ve shared. What were you feeling right then?”

I clasped my head in my hands. I knew the answer, and I forced it from my lips. “I was feeling relaxed, blue eyes. I was feeling…good.”

She smiled at me, that beautiful loving smile. If that smile could be turned into a sound wave and subliminally channeled across the entire planet, I had no doubt we’d see world peace.

I had been feeling good. I had been feeling so relaxed, so complete, so at peace. So…in love.

She squeezed my hand. Again. “So it’s a good thing, Talon. You were relaxed, and you felt good.”

I dropped my gaze to the floor. “I need to leave now.”

“Please, Talon. Stay.”

“How can you ask me that after what just happened?”

She cupped my cheeks and forced me to look into her eyes. The silvery-blue was misted over with tears, and my heart nearly broke.

“I trust you,” she said.

My eyes filled, and one tear dripped down my cheek.

She thumbed it away. “It’s okay.”

But it wasn’t okay. I had made the decision to get help, and I would still do that. I would not try to take my own life again. Because even after what had just happened, I still wanted to live. I didn’t want to put my brothers and my sister through the agony of losing me.

I let out a huff. That last thought was true, yes, but another reason existed. Of course I didn’t want my brothers and sister to suffer, but the real reason I wanted to live was standing right in front of me.

Jade. I would do this for Jade.

Even if we could never be together, just the thought of her being in this world gave me hope. Hope that I could heal. Hope that someone wonderful could feel for me. Hope that I could persevere.

I stood. “I can’t stay, blue eyes. I would never forgive myself if I slipped into a dream and did something terrible to you.”

She tugged on my hand. “I won’t let you. You won’t let you.”

I shook my head. “I can’t take that risk.”

“Are you saying this is…over?” Her beautiful red lips turned down into a frown, and her eyes were laced with sadness.

I should’ve told her yes, it was over. God knew I had told her that many times before. But not this time.

“No. I don’t think this will ever be over between us, Jade.” I stroked her cheek with my thumb and threaded my fingers through her disheveled hair. “But I have to put this…on hold for now.”