Page 11

I pried open one of my swollen eyes. “Who are you?” I asked. Shadows concealed the driver. Rain pelted the windshield faster than the wiper could clear it.

“I’m Gus,” he said flatly, with zero emotion in his voice.

“Hi, Gus,” I sang deliriously, as the spinning returned. My head fell back against the passenger window.

Gus, the rain, the clubhouse, Chop, parents, everything started to fade. Further and further away until I was surrounded by nothingness. Delicious nothingness. I wanted to exist in it for as long as it would have me.

Living in a permanent state of nothing sounded like a good idea.

Maybe, this is what death feels like?

Was I dying?

I didn’t know, and in all honesty, at that moment…

I didn’t fucking care.

Blackness came for me. I didn’t fight it. Closing my eyes I allowed it to swallow me whole, welcoming it to take me in. A part of me hoping it would keep me there forever. I never wanted to wake up to face the reality of what my life had become in such a short period of time.

It wasn’t a life at all.

It was a nightmare.



I wasn’t wasted.

I was beyond fucking wasted.

A new word needed to be invented for the level of fucked up I was.

Twisting dark hair in my hand, I pulled back hard, eliciting a moan from whatever her name was who was licking my balls. Her friend, who had the same color hair, just shorter, rolled a condom onto my cock and sank down onto it.

The motel room was dark, the curtains so thick it could have been noon and I wouldn’t have known.

Day, night. It had all blended together.

The place reeked of cum, sweat, and weed. There was no questioning what had been going on for the last however many days I’d been there.

Sleep was pointless because whenever I did fall asleep there was nothing restful about it. Which was partially due to the recurring dreams I’d been trying to avoid, and a lot-a-bit to do with the mass quantity of blow I was shoveling up my nostrils.

Did I come? How fucking sad is that?

Even sadder?

I didn’t fucking care.

It didn’t matter that there was two of them, there could have been two-thousand, all wet and ready to go, bent over and waiting, and it wouldn’t have changed a fucking thing.

Whatever had happened, at least it was over.

I didn’t even remember where I met the girls or even when, and I didn’t know their names because I never bothered to ask. From the looks of them this wasn’t their first rodeo. They may not have been club whores, but I could spot their type from a mountain top, and these girls had BBB written all over them.

I had the sudden and immediate urge to be left alone.


I lit a cigarette and tossed the lighter back onto the nightstand, watching it spin around and around until it fell off the edge. “Get the fuck out!” I snapped, waving my hand in the direction of the door, squinting to make sure I was waving at the exit, and not the bathroom.

Yup. Exit.

Nailed it.

Scurrying around the room like a cockroach after flipping the lights on, the short haired one searched for her clothes and shoes. Once she found what she was looking for she shook the shoulder of the other girl who was still on the bed, naked and on her stomach. “Clarissa, we gotta fucking go.” She looked back at me and my expression remained hard. “Now, Clarissa, we gotta fucking go, NOW!”

Clarissa groaned and turned onto her side, clutching the sheets to her ample chest, “I’m fucking sleeping, Julie. Leave me alone. Grandma’s not picking us up for church until twelve. I can sleep in today.”

Julie kept trying to wake her friend, with no luck.

With each tick of the old clock on the wall I felt my blood beginning to boil. As the second hand approached click number ten it was like thunder in my ears.

I picked up a heavy glass ashtray from the side table and launched it against the wall, creating a basketball size hole in the sheetrock and a sound that exploded through the silent space like a tornado had crashed through the window. Ashes billowed from the hole in the wall, clouding the small space with the stench of stale cigarettes.

Clarissa leapt from the bed, alert and awake like she’d been up for hours. She grabbed her purse, and her sad excuse for a dress from the floor on her way out—leaving her shoes behind, and the door open. Julie was close on her heels as they both ran naked out into the daylight, which was so fucking blindingly bright that all I could see was white.

I guess that answers my question about it being night or day.

Swaying on my feet I got up from the bed, shielding my eyes from the light I stumbled over to the door and slammed it shut before turning back around and falling onto the hard mattress.

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