I took a breath, gentled my voice and finished.

“But the way our conversation turned indicates that’s always going to be between us three. And I don’t want to hurt you, but, truthfully, I think the water’s under the bridge. We’re both safe on our opposite sides. Maybe we should stay that way.”

Her eyes still watching me, I could tell she didn’t like it but she still said, “Okay, Emme.”

Her sparkling water came.

She poured it, watching her glass fill, saying, “Maybe it’s best that we don’t, uh… have lunch. I’ll leave you be.” She put the bottle down and looked at me, “But can I say one thing?”

I didn’t know if I wanted her to. This was strange. There were ways it was a good strange. There were ways it was a bad strange. But the whole thing was just strange.

The only reason I could think for why I was doing what I was doing that day was that, using intuition, I was amassing whatever it was I needed to figure out what was up with me. Then I could sort through the good and bad and find out what was inside me that was apparently making me stop myself from being happy.

I mean, boiling it down, I broke up with Jacob (unsuccessfully) mostly because he was a Republican.

And that didn’t hint at psycho.

That just was.

Because of all this, I answered Elsbeth’s question with a, “Sure.”

“Do not let him go.”

I drew in breath through my nose.

“He thinks the world of you, Emme. Way back when and the way he spoke about you last weekend. You need that. Every girl does. If you let everything else in your life slip through your fingers as you move on to whatever it is you’re searching for, keep hold of him.”

I couldn’t tell her the thought of that terrified me. And it wasn’t that I couldn’t tell her because I couldn’t explain why, even though this was true. It was just not hers to have.

Instead, I said, “I’ll keep that in mind, Elsbeth.”

She nodded and took a drink.

I lifted my Diet Coke and did the same.

Then she grabbed her purse, put money on the table, pulled on her coat and stood.

I kept my seat but looked up at her.

“Be happy, honey,” she said quietly.

“You too, Elsbeth.”

She smiled a small smile.

Then she turned and walked away.

* * *

Two hours later…

“So, that’s what’s been happening,” I finished.

Harvey, sitting with me at his kitchen table, stared at me.

“Harvey?” I prompted when he said nothing and this lasted awhile.

“Give me a sec, Emme.”

I shut up.

Harvey looked at his lap. He did this a long time.

Then he looked back at me.

“Okay, so, you’re sick for a while, don’t know what it is. You get better, pull yourself together and start dating a man who you don’t know is a felon. You haven’t officially broken up with him, you’re gonna do this not because he’s a felon but because he creeps you out, and immediately take up with another man you’ve known for years. A man who has always shown interest in you. A man who has always shown he cares about you. A man who wastes no time and is very clear after you bumped into each other again that he wants more. Then he spends months treating you the same way, with care and interest, doing so by telling you he loves you and wants to build a life with you. And now you’ve broken up with him because, though I kinda lost it at this part, he and your dad got you new windows. But you haven’t really broken up with him because he refuses to accept that.”

“That about sums it up,” I told him then clarified, “Except the new windows part.”

He stared at me again.

“So what do you think?” I asked when he again said nothing.

“What do I think?” he asked back.

“Yes,” I answered.

“About what?” he asked.

“Anything,” I replied. “Everything.”

Harvey took in a deep breath.

Then he said, “What I think is, it’s way too soon, just a few months, for you to share vows of love and start talking about building a future with any man. My daughter told me she’d found a man and was doing that, I’d be all kinds of worried.”

“Okay,” I said slowly when he stopped talking but I knew there was more.

“I also think that no man like the man you described takes a kaleidoscope made of glass everywhere he goes and sleeps with it on his nightstand.”

I pulled in a sharp breath.

This time, Harvey kept talking.

“Further, I think that a girl like you should in no way be living her life in a crumbling mansion up on some mountain all by herself.”

“Harvey—”

“And last, Emme, and most important, I think it’s time you stopped existing and started living.”

I sat back and it was my turn to stare.

Harvey never laid it out. He was gentle in every way, including verbally.

“Now what do you think about what I think?” he asked.

“I think I’m in love with him,” I whispered.

“I believe that. You say his name, your eyes get funny. Sad. Like you’ve lost him somehow but, honey, all you gotta do to get him back is make a phone call.”

I closed my eyes.

“Emme,” he called.

I opened them.

“I thought I could make a phone call to get my wife back, my finger would be bleeding, dialing that number over and over again.”

This time, when the tears hit my eyes, it was Harvey who was swimming.

“You get me, honey?” he asked gently.

I could tell him. I could tell Harvey. I didn’t know why I couldn’t say it to anyone else.

I just knew I could say it to him.

“He terrifies me,” I whispered.

He leaned in and grasped my hand, holding it tight. “This man does not terrify you, my beautiful Emme, something else does. Now, please pay attention to what God granted you. He did not offer you a weak man who could not see whatever this is through. He offered you a strong man who can help you keep those fears at bay as you deal with whatever this is.”

“But he’s what I fear,” I semi-repeated.

“Why?” Harvey asked.

“I don’t know,” I answered, voice trembling.

“He’s told you he wants to lead you to answers. Let him,” Harvey replied.

“What if he’s—?”

I stopped speaking when Harvey jerked my hand and leaned close.

“Let him, Emme.”

I didn’t know where it came from but it came from somewhere because my lips were saying it. “There’s something wrong with me.”

“Stop going it alone, lean on a strong man who loves you and find out what that is. Then let him help you fix it.”

“I’m scared of it.”

Harvey held my eyes and mine were watery, but if I wasn’t mistaken, his were watery too.

“I’m scared too,” he replied.

That confused me.

“Why?”

“I’m scared for you, honey.”

That made sense.

“Go home, go to him,” he urged.

“You sure?”

“No way on this earth would I ever tell you something like that if I wasn’t absolutely certain it was the right thing to tell you.”

I gave his hand a squeeze.

“I love you, Harvey.”

His hand spasmed in mine, something sharp and wounded passed swiftly through his face before he hid it and whispered, “I love you too, my beautiful, Emme. Now get out of this old guy’s kitchen and find your man.”

The word was again trembling when I agreed, “Okay.”

He stood, and with his hand in mine, brought me up with him.

It was me, it was always me, who went in for the hug.

But always upon always, Harvey hugged me back. Firm, sweet and for a long time.

This time, he did it for longer.

Then he waited until I grabbed my jacket and purse and he walked me out to Persephone.

I waved as I drove away.

Harvey waved back.

* * *

Two minutes earlier, in the control room of Nightingale Investigations…

“Confirm it’s her,” Luke Stark, Lee Nightingale’s right-hand man, demanded over the phone to Jack, the man who most frequently worked the control room.

And the vast amount of time Jack spent in that room, he did it eyes to the large bank of monitors.

“Confirmed. Caught her goin’ in, didn’t get a clear visual. Caught her goin’ out and saw her full face. Got the photo Deck gave us. It’s her. She was there an hour. Lee’s off-line, but orders are, Deck knows the minute we see her there.”

“I’ll call Deck. Out,” Luke said.

Jack heard the disconnect.

Then his eyes went back to the monitors.

Chapter Seventeen

Lost You

Three hours later…

I drove back to the mountains and went straight to Jacob’s.

I was terrified, I didn’t know why, but I was. I’d admitted that.