Now I was about to have lunch with my ex–best friend, my maybe-still boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend.

And I had no idea why.

Except for the fact that evidence was suggesting it was a good possibility I was totally f**king psycho.

She stopped by the table.

“Emme, wow, you look… you look amazing.”

She did too. But she always had. Lots of blond hair. Warm green eyes. Fabulous figure. Fantastic outfit.

“Hello, Elsbeth,” I said.

“Uh… hi,” she replied.

I tipped my head to the seat opposite me. “Do you wanna sit down?”

She looked at the seat then at me, both uncertain.

She made her decision and I didn’t know if it was the right or wrong one when she sat. From the expression on her face, she felt the same.

She pulled off her jacket, hooked her purse on the back of her chair and looked at me.

“Deck told you we talked,” she guessed.

“That he did,” I confirmed.

“I, um… he told me that you know…” she trailed off.

“I know everything,” I verified what she didn’t exactly say.

“He was always straight up about stuff,” she murmured.

She would, of course, living with him for years, having him for longer than I had (in certain ways), know that.

And I didn’t need the reminder that she did.

Again, what was I doing here?

The waitress came. I already had a Diet Coke. Elsbeth ordered a sparkling water.

No, Elsbeth hadn’t changed. Beauty. Class. Even ordering a sparkling water made her seem sophisticated and cool.

The waitress left and Elsbeth’s gaze came back to me. “I’m glad you emailed.”

“So it’s true what Jacob said,” I told her. “Mending fences.”

She nodded, her eyes on me not like she was looking at me but like she was watching me.

“I know, it seems weird that I’d… well, find out about you two and that would…” She shook her head and didn’t finish the thought. Instead she said, “I just did. But then, that’s always been the way between us three.”

That was an interesting statement.

“What’s been the way?”

“We just work together.”

I stared at her.

Maybe she was psycho.

“Doesn’t seem that way to me,” I pointed out.

I watched her straighten her shoulders before she said, “It’s weird but it has.”

“Do you want to explain that?” I requested.

She didn’t answer immediately. She kept looking at me like she was watching me.

After she did his for a while, she said, “Okay, Emme, I don’t want this to be ugly, and right now in my life, honestly, I can’t take that. So you should know, if it turns that way, I’m leaving. But you should also know, I was happy you emailed and I’d hoped this would lead to good things, however those came about. I knew, what with the way things are, that it might be difficult or upsetting, but I’d hoped we’d work past that because this means that much to me. And, in the end, I’d hoped that even if it’s weird, our history, things with Deck, maybe we’d reconnect.”

“According to Jacob, I don’t connect very well,” I shared.

“Deck’s always right,” she replied immediately, and I blinked.

“What?”

“You’re the best friend I ever had,” she announced.

At that, I again stared.

Elsbeth went on.

“You’re smart. You’re funny. You’re loyal. You’re thoughtful. You knew I was messed up, young, stupid, immature, but you were sensitive enough not to lay that out for me. You knew I had an idiotic idea about the life I was meant to lead and you tried to guide me out of that. I still messed up. But I didn’t lose you because you were angry I broke things off with Deck. I lost you because you were getting too close me. We were BFFs. You were over all the time and not just because of Deck. So you found your reasons to scrape me off and move on. Then you found your reasons to pretty much scrape everyone else off and move to some crazy mountain town hours away where you knew absolutely nobody. Coming back to Denver for quick hit visits with friends that mean nothing. Then off you go to your mountain town where you could be what you need to be. With just Emme.”

I hated to admit it but what she said made sense and that sucked.

I looked down at the table.

“Emme,” she called.

I swallowed and looked at her.

“I missed you,” she whispered.

My throat closed.

Her eyes got bright but they didn’t move from me.

“I knew. I knew back then that he was into you. But he couldn’t be into you because he’d convinced himself he was in love with me. And I knew, in the way you would allow yourself to be, you were into him too. I don’t know why I didn’t love you both enough to step aside. Maybe because I was twenty-five and selfish. Maybe because Deck was everything to me, I just didn’t see it nor did I see I wasn’t and would never be everything to him. But I’ve been living with a jackass for eight years so I could have a maid and a Mercedes and when a woman makes a choice like that, losing everything that was worth anything, if she’s smart, she learns not to make any more choices like that.”

“I can’t… I…” I stammered, pulled myself together and got on with it. “Honestly, Elsbeth, I’m really happy you’ve made these realizations. I think that’s good. Jacob says you’re spending time with you and I hope as you do you find out what I knew many moons ago. That you’re worth spending time with.”

She smiled. It was small but it was sweet.

I kept talking.

“And I didn’t know why I asked you to meet me for lunch but now I’m glad I did.”

“I am too.”

I nodded. Then admitted, “But I think it’s because I’m trying to work some things out. Come to my own realizations.”

“And I think that’s good,” she said softly.

“I broke up with Jacob,” I blurted suddenly.

She blinked.

Then she asked, “What?”

“He didn’t exactly accept that,” I shared.

It was her turn to stare at me

Then she burst out laughing.

“It’s not what I would consider amusing,” I said into her laughter.

She swallowed it down and focused on me.

“You know,” she started. “I’d always get so jealous when I heard you call him Jacob and he let you. He didn’t let anyone call him that, except his mom and you. Not even me. And I hated it when he’d say, ‘Babe, call Emme, ask her around for dinner,’ and I knew he wanted to spend time with you. And I hated when we’d go to your place and you two would eat and argue and laugh and it felt like I wasn’t even there.”

We did that to her. Not even knowing it, we did it.

Being in my end of that triangle, I didn’t see it. Jacob didn’t either.

But Jacob was right. Elsbeth did.

“Elsbeth,” I whispered.

“Yeah,” she grinned, “my boyfriend was totally cheating on me with my BFF and neither of them knew it. But I did.”

“Oh my God,” I breathed.

I breathed it because my lungs had caught fire and they’d caught fire because we’d done that too.

“Lots of ways to cheat,” she told me, her smile fading. “Last summer I did my last stupid act on earth, swear to God, Emme, and I’m sure you know what it was. Totally messed up. But that was where my head was at. I needed proof that I’d made a mistake, I had to rectify it, namely making the decision to leave my husband, and to do that, I retraced my steps to find where I went wrong. Unfortunately for Deck, he gave me that opening by calling me.”

“That wasn’t cool,” I told her quietly.

“It totally wasn’t,” she agreed. “It was selfish and stupid and hurtful. But it was the old me. It was the last thing I vowed to myself I’d do as the old me. And doing it made me see I had to get rid of the old me and find a new me.”

“I wish you’d left Jacob out of it.”

She pulled in a breath and replied, “I wish I did too. But I can’t change history. I can just make sure it doesn’t repeat.”

I was not really fired up about where our talk was leading, so I noted, “This is a very weird conversation.”

“Yeah,” she said softly.

“I don’t much like it,” I told her. “This part, that is.”

She pulled in another breath before she said, “I understand that, Emme. Years ago I messed up, hurt Deck, lost him and lost you. I messed up again, again hurt Deck and by extension you. I’d hoped I could make amends, explain, apologize, I don’t know, whatever I needed to do not to have either of those things happen, losing Deck or you. But I understand if they do.”

I studied her.

Then I stated, “I’m glad you understand because I can’t go there right now. I’m dealing with some stuff I have to straighten out. And what you did wasn’t cool, back when you broke up with him or last summer. I appreciate you having the courage to call Jacob, explain and apologize and also come and meet me. But I can’t see where we would go, you and me, or you, me and Jacob. Not right now. Maybe someday.”