The calls and gifts stopped, obviously, but no one pieced it together correctly. I’d heard my parents speculating once when they thought I was in bed. They seemed to be under the impression that whoever was sending that stuff to me, thought I’d been through enough and was stopping the hate campaign. My dad and brother still worried about me like crazy. It was only recently that they let me out on my own without a bodyguard.

Six weeks of grieving and barely sleeping had passed me by. Everything had changed since then, but most of those changes had happened inside me. I’d realised that life was short and that you shouldn’t waste it. It was actually Luke’s mom that made me have that epiphany. She’d come around to see me in the previous week and she’d sat there for an hour just talking about all the wrong choices that she’d made in life. Her words had struck me deeply, and I realised that I couldn’t be here anymore. Everyone knew what had happened, everyone had a sympathetic glint in their eye as they looked at me, everyone felt sorry for me here because I’d lost my boyfriend and almost died myself. All that sympathy did was serve as a reminder that my life had turned upside down and would never be the same again.

So I’d made a decision to leave. Luke and I were planning to move away to college so that it was just the two of us, so I made my mind up that I would stick to that. I would get a fresh start with new people and not be reminded of it every day and in every little thing that I saw. I needed a fresh start, I needed to let go and start living again.

I’d put in a few calls, asked Principal Bennett for a favour, and I’d somehow, despite my grades not being as perfect as they should be, managed to land myself a summer school teaching assistant job. The job was about ten minutes away from the college I would attend in the fall, so I was to move there early and help teach high school kids in summer school. It sounded like a great opportunity for me to get my foot on the teaching ladder which had always been my chosen profession. But it meant moving away from my family three months earlier than planned. And that had taken a heck of a lot of convincing on my part, but they finally understood that I needed to get away and put the past behind me.

I sat on the edge of my bed – the only thing I wasn’t taking with me. I chewed on my lip as I replayed some of the great times I’d had in here, sleepovers, movie nights, laughing with the girls, sneaking Luke into my bed, studying, dancing like a moron with my headphones on. I smiled but stood up quickly when I could feel my eyes prickling with tears. I didn’t want to cry. I’d done too much of that recently, and I refused to cry anymore.

As I stepped out of my room, Chester came lolloping over to me, wagging his tail as he looked up at me with his big brown eyes. I smiled and bent down, petting his head before nuzzling my face into the side of his. I sighed, knowing I needed to get going. I was already an hour later than I said I wanted to leave. I had a long drive ahead, and if I wanted to make it there before nightfall I needed to get a wriggle on and go.

Heading down the stairs, I purposefully tried not to listen to the snivelling that was coming from the lounge. I knew I was going to be missed. “Guys, I’m ready. I’m just taking the last bag out now if you want to come and see me off,” I called, picking up my backpack that was packed full of sandwiches, drinks and candy bars. The big bulky furniture had already been sent ahead and was waiting for me in my student accommodation that I would be sharing with three others. All I had was my clothes and small possessions left to take with me in the car.

I didn’t wait for them to follow me, just turned and headed out of the front door. I’d already done my last tour of the house, now I was eager to leave and get a new start.

When I got to my mom’s cherry red Rover I popped the trunk, throwing the last bag in and then struggling to close it again after. I was borrowing my mom’s car for now, until I could afford to buy one of my own and then they would take it back apparently.

Zach was the first to reach me, followed by my parents and brother. I’d already said my goodbyes to Charlotte and Beth last night when we had a girlie night. I was kind of grateful that they weren’t here now; both of them had been a mess last night so their crying today probably would have started me off all over again.

Zach stopped at my side and chewed on his lip. “You’re really going?” A frown made crinkles around his eyes.

I nodded in confirmation. “Yep.”

He sighed and shook his head. “But I didn’t get a chance to make my move on you. I was building up to it and everything. You never know, in another couple of weeks I might have worked up the nerve to ask you out,” he said, raising one eyebrow teasingly.

I chuckled, knowing he was only joking. “You should start dating, Zach. Don’t keep thinking that you’re not good enough because of your ADHD. You’ll make someone a great boyfriend,” I replied, slapping his shoulder in encouragement.

A gave me a sad smile. “Well that’s all well and good, but you’re now moving halfway across the country for four years,” he replied cockily.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. He never did give up teasing me, but I had actually come to like it. I would probably miss his teasing when I was alone with no friends and no one to talk to. “Shut up, Zachary.” I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him tightly. “Look after my brother for me, huh? He’s gonna play the big macho kickboxer routine, but I know he’s gonna miss me more than he’s letting on,” I whispered.

He nodded, his hand stroking my back softly. “I will. Promise.” He kissed my cheek gently before I pulled away and smiled. “I’m going to miss you, little rebel. We’ll keep in touch though, right?”

I grinned and nodded. “Right,” I confirmed. I took a deep breath, steeling myself for the next goodbye as I turned to my dad. My mom was still sobbing up a storm, blowing her nose loudly into a Kleenex so I wanted to leave her for another minute to sort herself out. “Bye, Daddy.” His arms wrapped around me tightly, too tightly, and for too long. It was almost as if he couldn’t let me go, but then he groaned and released me all at once, stepping back and shoving his hands into his pockets and looking at the floor.

I turned to my mom and smiled, chuckling to myself. “You’re coming to visit me next weekend,” I reminded her, shaking my head.

She blew out a big breath and looked up at the blue sky. “I know, I know. I just all of a sudden developed empty nest syndrome. Maybe I should have listened when your father tried to talk me into having more kids a few years ago,” she replied, chuckling too as she swiped at her nose again.

“I’m still up for the idea,” Dad said behind her.

I cringed, as did Alex. “Seriously. No,” I begged. “Save that conversation for once I’ve left, okay?” I joked, wrapping an arm around my mom’s shoulders and planting a kiss on her wet cheek.

“And once I’ve left home too. I do not want to hear that kind of thing,” Alex chimed in, dramatically shuddering.

I giggled, loosening my grip on my mom and stepping back so she was at arm’s length. I gripped her shoulders, looking into her blue eyes that I’d inherited. “I’ll see you in a week. I love you,” I told her honestly.

She sniffed loudly and lifted her chin. “I love you, too.”

And then it was Alex’s turn, which was probably going to be the hardest one of all. We’d never really been apart before. Although he drove me crazy, we were still very close so it was hard knowing that I wasn’t going to see him for a while.

He kicked at the ground, his shoulders hunched as he frowned down at the floor as if it had offended him somehow. “Gonna miss me?” I asked, cocking my head to the side, willing myself to be strong and not cry. I didn’t want to have a watery goodbye, so I’d promised myself that I’d be strong for this.

“No,” he scoffed, shaking his head dismissively. “You gonna miss me?”

A smile twitched at the corners of my mouth. “No.”

He chewed on his lip and kicked at the floor a couple more times before looking up at me with sad eyes. “Make sure you tell everyone that you have a brother that’s a kickboxing champion and that he’ll happily beat the shit out of every single guy that looks in your direction.” His tone wasn’t even a little bit joking which made me laugh.

“I will don’t worry.” I crossed my heart with one finger, grinning up at him.

He sighed and reached out, yanking open the driver’s door for me. “Drive carefully. Keep your chin up. And don’t let those summer school kids walk all over you,” he instructed. “I’m at the end of a phone, and I can be there in six hours if you need me.”

“It’s a nine hour drive,” I teased smugly.

He shrugged. “I could make it in six if I needed to,” he joked. Suddenly he sighed, looking away from me and up at the horizon. “I don’t want to say bye, so just go. I’ll see you soon.” He was gnawing on his lip furiously, and I was sure he was going to hurt himself soon, but that was his way of coping. He didn’t really like to show a weakness. It was probably down to his training for his fights, he was always taught not to show weakness because it can so easily be used against you.

“I’ll see you soon,” I replied. I looked back to see that my dad was hugging my mom who was all out bawling now and was sure to be leaving a gross trail all over his shirt, but he didn’t look like he cared. His eyes met mine and in those few seconds his eyes told me everything I needed to know. He didn’t need to say the words for me to understand how much he was going to miss me and how worried he was that I was going off alone after everything that I’d been through recently.

I smiled reassuringly before catching Zach’s eye and giving him a small wave. I didn’t wait for anymore goodbyes; I just climbed into the car and buckled my seatbelt, letting Alex slam the door behind me. His hand gripped at the open window frame, his knuckles going white before he let go, turned and stalked back into the house without another word.