Don’t tell him your deepest, darkest fears. When you share something close and personal, you’re opening up. This makes you vulnerable. Keep the lips shut. Change the topic to the weather, to sports, to a sale your favorite store is having this weekend. Think about superficial things, like clothes, trips, hockey. Don’t go personal at any cost, not until you’re ready. When you do, he’ll worm his way in even farther, and that wall will soon be half melted.

Do not introduce him to your friends. This is key! Even if you’re trying not to get too personal with that guy, they will. They’ll want to know details about him. What does he do? What’s his family like? Are you going to get married? If you do, will you live at his house or your place? Does he have kids? Does he want more kids? They’ll claim to mean well, but it’s a rare friend who can read the signs and keep things on the surface for you. And really, whatever happens is your fault because you introduced them. So like 1 and 2—don’t do it! Be selfish. Keep him all to yourself.

No family gatherings. If you can’t introduce him to friends, why would you introduce him to family? They’re the definition of up close and personal. Family is friends on steroids, and they’ll ask even more probing questions: about religion, how you’ll raise your children together, if you’ll invite Aunt Timbuktu to the wedding and whether your cousin from Aunt Timbuktu’s family is going to do the solo at the ceremony. I’m yelling at you and waving my hands in the air: don’t do it!

Do not leave your belongings at each other’s places. Your belongings are representations of your feelings. If you leave them, you’re leaving part of yourself behind. Keep all of yourself together. When you walk out the next day for work, take your overnight bag with you. And don’t let him leave his stuff behind either. The only approved item for the drawer on his side of the bed is a condom. That piece of rubber could be used for anyone, so there’s no sentimental attachment.

So there you have it. Follow these five steps, and your emotions should be guarded until the moment you’re ready to let that guy in. And if even this sounds too risky, there is one surefire, 100%-guaranteed way to keep your heart intact: dating abstinence. Just don’t date! Buy a dildo for the lonely nights, and fill up your evenings with friends. Use alcohol as needed.

I was the biggest hypocrite in the world, but staring at the screen, I was proud of what I’d written. I read back through, made a few tweaks, and sent it to Tina. This was the first real thing I’d written since Liam’s accident.

A sudden need to celebrate had me reaching for my phone. I didn’t think. I texted Cole: I want to do something fun tonight.

Good. I’ll plan it. Get in the car at nine. Carl will drive you. My phone buzzed a moment later. Dress in jeans, a sweater, and cowboy boots.

Cowboy boots?

Do you have a pair? I can have some sent over.

I have some. But cowboy boots?

Trust me. I think you’ll love it. I’ll meet you at the place. It takes an hour to get there.

And at nine that night, Carl was waiting for me in the basement parking lot.

I’d tried several times to get Cole to let him do something else; I didn’t need a driver, but he insisted. He said it was a small worry he didn’t have to be concerned about anymore. When I met Sia for lunch, I walked with her, but if we went somewhere other than Gianni’s, I lied and made sure to let her know I would “order” a car for us. In a way I did: I let Carl know when we’d need him.

A little voice nagged at me whenever Carl drove us. Sia was scared of Cole, and one of his drivers was driving us around. I wasn’t ready to tell her about him, and I knew Carl had orders. If I went anywhere without him, he would follow me anyway. So my way of appeasing everyone was to lie. I hoped when Sia did find out, she wouldn’t hate me, and as Carl drove into the night, taking me outside the city limits, I hoped once again that Sia would forgive me.

She’d called earlier, wanting me to go to dinner with her and Jake. If I said I was sick, she’d want to check on me, and if I made any other excuse, they’d have called relentlessly for me to join them at Jake’s after dinner.

I’d needed a reason that took me out of their reach, so I’d lied once more.

I’d told her I was checking one last time on my house. I knew she would give me space to deal with that. She always did. Once I told her that, I’d realized I really did need to check on the house. I planned on asking Carl to take me there tomorrow.

Right now, I sat back and watched the city lights fade as Carl drove. I grew sleepy until the car turned on to a gravel road. We were in the country. On both sides of the car were green meadows, fenced in by wooden posts. The fences were painted white and the grass trimmed low. We were at a ranch. The car stopped, and Carl came around to open my door.

We’d parked right in front of a large wooden barn—bright red and two-storied. Its big door was opened, and I could see stalls lining both sides of the barn with a large cement pathway in the middle. Another barn sat to the right and a large track to the left.

“What is this place?”

Carl didn’t answer. He went back to the car and began to reverse.

“Addison.”

I twisted to find Cole coming toward me in jeans and a black zip-up sweatshirt that molded to him perfectly. He didn’t look like a mobster now; he was more akin to a ranch owner. I glanced down and scowled.

I pointed. “You don’t have cowboy boots on.” I tapped my boot-clad feet. “You told me to wear cowboy boots.”