Then I laugh aloud at my own oxymoron, which makes me realize how fucked in the head I truly am at this moment.

I plunk down on my leather chair and recline it as far as it goes. I close my eyes, listening to Ashley shuffling in the kitchen, preparing Penny’s food.

“Hey, sweetie,” she says as she opens the door.

Penny’s claws tap the floor as she runs to her feast.

Then the pop as Ashley removes the vacuum sealer from the wine bottle. Soft trickles as she pours, and then louder ones for the water.

Sounds. I’m only used to Penny’s and my sounds at home. Hearing Ashley’s sounds comforts me in an odd way.

And maybe that’s not so odd after all.

I’ve resisted comfort since I came to Steel Ranch. Even when Aunt Mel and my other therapist told me I was worthy of comfort, still I held back.

Chills erupt on the back of my neck.

The reason…

The reason I don’t deserve comfort. It’s there, hidden in the back of my mind, blurred like a black cancer made of crab-shaped cells that dig their spiky claws into me and don’t let go.

This is what I feared.

This…

When I opened up to Ashley, let her awaken me, cherish me…

This…

This is what I risk letting loose on the world.

Emotions curl inside me, but in my fatigue, they stay where they are.

“Here you go, babe.” Ashley hands me a tall glass of ice water. “Drink up, and then you can have your wine.”

“You sound like my mother,” I can’t help saying. “I’m thirty-five years old. I want my wine.”

“And you’ll have it,” she snaps, “as soon as you drink some water.”

I’m too exhausted to argue. I take the water, intending to sip it, but it slides like a waterfall down my throat, easing my dryness. Ashley is right. I’m dehydrated. Big time.

“Better?” she says.

I nod.

“Good. Here’s your wine.”

I sigh. “I think I want some more water.”

She grabs the glass. “You got it.”

Before I can tell her to stay, she’s back in the kitchen refilling my glass. I take a sip of the wine. Its dark cherry and woodiness coats my mouth as I swallow.

Ashley returns with my water and a glass of wine for herself. She sits down on the couch so she’s facing me.

How I wish I sat there instead of in my recliner. I could be cuddling her against me, embracing her light and warmth. I drain the glass of water and take another sip of wine.

“Come here,” I say.

She rises. “What do you need?”

I set the wine on the end table and grab her hand, pulling her into my lap. “You. I need you, Ashley.”

Chapter Forty-Five

Ashley

Dale’s hard cock pushes against my ass.

I honestly wasn’t expecting this. “Amazing what a little hydration can do.” I giggle.

“I won’t deny that it helped,” Dale says, “but I’ve been hard since we got home.”

“Let me take care of you, then,” I say.

“You’ve been taking care of me. I wasn’t asking for…”

“I know you weren’t, but you’re exhausted and tense. Not a good combination.” I climb off his lap and onto the floor and then unbuckle his belt. “I can help you with that.”

“Ashley…”

“No use fighting me,” I say. “I’m in control now.”

He groans, the vibration low in his chest—a brown earthy color.

I release his cock and pull it out. He’s huge and hard, already a drop of pre-come emerging at the tip. I lick it off.

He sucks in a breath. “Damn.”

“What can I do for you?” I meet his gaze. “Anything, Dale. Tell me what you want.”

“Suck me. Please.”

He doesn’t have to ask twice. I take him between my lips, savoring the salty musk of him. He’s warm inside my mouth—warm and huge and beautiful. I slide my lips along his shaft, sucking gently, and then I release him, moving backward until I almost release his cock head.

He groans again, earthy and brown with a translucent veil of burgundy.

A groan that says how much he loves what I’m doing to him.

I slide along his shaft again, slowly, teasing him. More groans. A sigh. Then he goes rigid.

And I realize he doesn’t need to be teased right now. He needs release, and he needs it badly.

I grab his shaft in my right hand, using it to increase the friction as I continue to work him with my lips and tongue.

He sucks in a breath. “Fuck.”

Yes, it’s okay. Come, Dale. Let it go. Release.

I increase my speed, hoping he knows not to hold back. That I don’t care about my own satisfaction right now. Only him. Only what the man I love needs.

His breaths become more rapid, and he grabs the back of my head, increasing my pace.

That’s it. Let it go, my love. Let go.

When the contractions begin at the base of his cock, I feel them through my whole body. Tiny combustions that increase, increase, increase, until he’s holding me in place and filling me. Coming inside my mouth, down my throat.

Using me for his release.

And I’m okay with that. With whatever he needs.

I breathe through my nose as he stays embedded against my throat, still pulsing.

Determination sweeps through me. I’ll stay here until he’s done. Until he’s completely released and relaxed. I love him that much.

A few seconds later, he releases my head, and I slowly slide my lips to his tip, licking him as I go.

“Fuck,” he says huskily. “I should have—”

“Stop. This was about you, and I’m fine with that.” I stand and hand him his wine.

He takes a sip. “I could fall asleep right here.”

“Then do it. Nothing’s stopping you.”

“But you…”

I smooth back his disheveled hair. “I’m not an issue. In fact, I think I’ll take my own advice and have a soak in your tub. It’s been a long day.”

“If that’s not the truth.” He closes his eyes, his breathing slowing down.

I kiss his lips lightly, grab the empty glasses, and head to the kitchen. Penny is finishing her supper. “Feel like going out for a dip, Penny?” I open the back door, and she scrambles out.