I looked at my phone again and sighed. Five in the morning was too early to call, but I needed to talk to him today. After setting an alarm for eight o’clock, I rolled over and tried to fall asleep. My plan was to go down to breakfast and get some food in my system, then talk to Daniela and Hunter.

I had to get this situation figured out soon.

Chapter Twenty-three

MISSING

This time, when my alarm rang I turned it off and sat up in bed. Throwing my sheets aside and getting out was literally painful. My legs felt like jelly after surviving on granola bars for a few days. Once I walked around and stretched for a minute, I changed into some new pajamas and went down to the Floyd Hall dining room for Saturday morning breakfast. I loaded up on carbs like I was about to run a marathon: two bagels with cream cheese, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, melon, and blueberry pancakes drowned in syrup. After cleaning my plate, I walked back to my suite, hoping a hot shower would help me feel slightly more normal. I opened the door to my suite and nearly bumped into Daniela.

“Hey!” she said brightly, her hair a bed head mess. “Did you go to the health center? You look a lot better.”

I shook my head. “No, I was just down at breakfast.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you come get me? I would have gone down with you.”

I shifted back and forth on my feet. Now was as good a time as any to talk to her about it. “I just . . . we should talk.”

Her face scrunched up in worry. “Is something wrong?”

“No. Not with you, I mean. Let’s go to my room.”

We walked over to my room and sat down on my bed. Once we were settled, I took a deep breath and started. “I wasn’t really sick the past few days.”

“Really? I saw you though. You looked white as a ghost.”

“I didn’t feel good, but I wasn’t really sick.”

Her eyes narrowed. “I’m confused.”

I pressed my lips together. It was so hard to talk about something that upset me so much, even to my best friend. “My stepfather sent me a letter a few days ago,” I said, choking on the last couple words. Tears were welling up in my eyes again.

Daniela watched me blankly for several seconds before realization appeared to click in and her jaw dropped. “Oh my god, you mean the one in jail?”

“I don’t have any others.”

She shook her head, bug-eyed. “But how? Is he allowed to do that?”

I thought of my aunt’s anger when I had told her about the letter earlier that morning. “I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter, I guess. It happened.”

She nodded. “What did it say?”

I told her about the letter and cried into her shoulder. Why did this have to happen now?

After I’d calmed down I told her about my conversation with my aunt. Daniela listened attentively, her face wrinkled in thought.

“Guess this came at a bad time with exams and stuff,” she said when I was done.

I scoffed. “That’s an understatement.”

“You looked like you were feeling awful during that psych exam.”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “I just filled in bubbles on the answer sheet. My brain was so foggy I couldn’t even understand the questions.”

“Oh wow, I’m so sorry, Lorrie.”

“It’s okay.” I tried to smile reassuringly but my mouth barely responded. “Not your fault, obviously.”

We sat in silence for a couple minutes. Then Daniela’s eyes widened as if she’d had a realization. “I don’t mean to pry Lorrie . . . but did your therapist ever mention you might have PTSD?”

I thought back. “Yeah . . . It was one of the first things she said, actually.”

“I guess having it doesn’t help you take an exam about it, right?” She smiled uncertainly. I knew she was trying to cheer me up and I felt better knowing she cared.

I forced a small smile and shook my head. Leave it to Daniela to do some amateur diagnosis. “Whatever is going on with me, it didn’t help on that test.”

She watched me for a second then her head dropped back down.“So what are you going to do now?” she asked quietly.

I tapped my nervous fingers on my legs. My small dorm room began to have the same oppressive feeling the courtroom had.

“I don’t know,” I said. “My aunt wants me to go back to Indiana tomorrow for at least a couple days. ”

“Do you want to go home?”

I pursed my lips. “Yeah, at least for a couple days. I think it’ll help me get my head straight.”

“Fair enough. What does Hunter think about all this?”

My face felt hot. It was embarrassing that I didn’t know the answer to that question. “I haven’t heard from him since I got the letter, actually. I texted him last night before bed but he hasn’t responded.”

“That’s weird,” she mused. “Did you guys have a fight or something?”

I shrugged, feeling even more bewildered now that I was talking about it out loud. “Nope.”

She bit her lip. “Huh. I have to say, that is pretty strange. When are you going to talk to him?”

“I don’t know,” I said truthfully. “I was going to take a shower then give him a call and see if I can go over there or something.”

“What are you going to say? I mean, are you thinking you want to try and stay here? Go back to Indiana? Am I going to see you anymore?”

Her questions were making me feel overwhelmed. “I don’t know,” I said, my voice breaking. “I love Hunter and I want things to work out, but I don’t know how we can do that.”

Daniela’s eyebrows shot up. “Have you told Hunter that you love him?”

“Yeah, that night of the party.”

“And he loves you?”

“That’s what he said,” I rasped, trying to stop from crying. “But I don’t know why he hasn’t contacted me in days. This decision is going to drastically change things for us and I can’t even get ahold of him. He’s letting me down.”

She grimaced. “You didn’t text him before last night, right? Maybe he’ll respond soon.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“I say give it some time,” she said with a shrug. “Once you do talk to him, if you really love each other then you’ll find a way to make it work.”

I took a deep breath, thankful for my friend’s level-headedness. “Thanks Daniela.”

“I guess what you have to decide is whether you’re staying or going. Everything depends on that.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I’ll definitely keep you in the loop.”

“Thanks,” my friend said. “Let me know if I can do anything, okay?”

I smiled at Daniela as she stood up and walked out of my room.

After she left, I sat and stared out my window. Was there some way Hunter and I could stay together? I sent another text asking where he was. After waiting a minute to see if he would respond, I grew impatient and went to take a shower in the suite bathroom. The sensation of the warm water hitting my shoulders and chest helped me feel a little closer to normal. After a few days of being alone in bed with my thoughts, I was looking forward to just being around other people again.