“I have feelings for you beyond friendship as well, Hunter. And that’s the problem. That’s what I’m scared of. You can hurt me. Whatever you’re going through now, I don’t want to experience that.”

His jaw tightened but his tone remained controlled. “Dammit, that’s selfish—I put myself out there and you can hurt me while keeping yourself defended.”

I exhaled a shaky breath. As difficult as it was, I persisted in meeting his gaze. “It’s self-preservation, Hunter. It’s just like you using girls for blow jobs. As much as I care about you—and I do care about you probably more than I’m willing to admit—I have to take care of myself first. I know it’s f**ked up, Hunter. I know it’s bad and it makes me a terrible person. But guess what? I am f**ked up. I’m a f**ked up girl who can’t get her life right. I already told you my parents are divorced and dead . . . I’m fighting just to feel normal.” Tears began streaming down my cheeks and I hurriedly wiped them away with my hand. My lips began to quiver and my throat started constricting but I forced myself to continue.

His gaze softened. “Lorrie . . .”

“I can’t lose, Hunter! This isn’t like one of your fights where if you lose, you can get back up again and fight another day, fight another opponent. If I lose this fight, I may not ever get back up again. I’m going to be dead. If not completely then at least on the inside, which isn’t much better. And it’s always the same damn opponent! It’s like I’m fighting to roll this gigantic boulder up a hill every day, hoping to god that it doesn’t crush me.”

Hunter’s lips tightened as if he wanted to say something but was holding back to let me finish.

Blinking away tears, I swallowed another lump in my throat. “I know it sounds ridiculous. I know it sounds like I’m just being a quitter, that I don’t have that eye-of-the-tiger never-give-up attitude that you might have, but real life isn’t the movies. There’s no Rocky montage for overcoming obstacles in life. Not for me. Or anyone else. I’ve seen the best fail, I’ve seen my own dad lose after fighting so hard, struggling for so long. Can’t you see, Hunter? It’s not that I don’t want to get hurt. It’s that I can’t. If I do, it’s over. It’s all over for me.” I started to feel a familiar numbness creeping into my chest again. It was my body’s way of protecting me from intolerable pain.

Hunter stared passionately into my eyes even as the tears rolling down both our cheeks threatened to distance us. “Then let’s stop hurting each other! You make me feel alive and I make you feel alive. Let’s save each other.”

I cupped my hand over my mouth to stifle an unexpected laugh, choking back sobs in the process. “You’re too sweet, Hunter. Really, you are. I don’t deserve you as a friend. As much as I want to believe it, you can’t save me, Hunter. Deep down we’re both f**ked up selfish kids just trying to make it to the next day. We both know that. All we can do is try to survive on our own.”

I tried turning my head away but he gently placed his hand against my cheek and returned my gaze to his. The comforting warmth of his palm heated my face as he wiped tears away with his thumb. His gaze was intensely tender. “I don’t care how selfish we are because I know we can be selfless too! I’ve seen your kindness. You care about others. You care about me. You’re just drowning right now, Lorrie. I saved you once, I can do it again.”

“We’re both drowning, Hunter,” I sobbed, trying to push him away but he held me tightly. “I’m flailing like an idiot and I’m just going to pull you down with me! We’re both going to drown, can’t you see that? I can’t do that to you, Hunter . . .”

He tilted his forehead to rest against mine, his eyes squeezed shut. Wet droplets fell softly from his face onto my cheeks. He tenderly kissed the tip of my nose. “I won’t let it happen. I’m gonna save us both. But I can’t do it by myself. I need you with me, Lorrie. I need you to give us both strength.” His voice was pained and he spoke with his lips inches from mine.

“Hunter. . .” His hands slid down to grip my waist, ensuring I wouldn’t leave him. Trembling, I briefly touched my lips against his to feel something. To feel him here, with me. To make sure I wasn’t imagining it. That I wasn’t alone this time. “I’ve already hurt you, I could do it again. I could hurt you beyond what you can handle, you’re not invincible, Hunter. And you could do the same to me. We could be the death of one another.”

He kissed my lips back, letting me know he was here. “I know how much you care about me, Lorrie. We all make mistakes. You’re here with me now, that’s all that matters.”

He wrapped his arms around me and I fell into his embrace. All thoughts of struggling flew from my mind as I buried my face into his bare chest and cried. Feeling the heat of his skin and smelling his fresh masculine scent, I did what I wanted to do the moment I first saw him half-naked in this apartment: I kissed the soft skin of his hard pecs. I kissed him again and again, the word “sorry” tumbling from my lips repeatedly, uncontrollably.

He cupped my face with his hands and his lips collided with mine. He kissed me, his tongue running gently over my lips at first then over my tongue melting away my anxiety. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed, our hips pressing tightly together. Suddenly, Hunter dipped and lifted me into the air with strong arms, our mouths never breaking contact. I faintly registered movement then heard the sound of a door being kicked open. A moment later, my back settled against soft sheets.

Hunter moved his lips from my mouth to my cheek, following along the trail of tears, softly pecking away the damp traces. A fresh wave of tears flowed and he diligently kissed each one, never letting them fall to the bed.

I gazed at his beautiful face hovering above me. Tears were flowing freely from his eyes as well. “Hunter,” I said softly, another wave of tears forming. “Don’t leave me alone, tonight.”

“Lorrie, we’re going to be together tonight. And tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. We’re going to work things out together.”

He carefully unbuttoned my jeans and slipped them off me with my help. He kissed me tenderly then moved lower, planting his lips on the skin of my neck down to my stomach, removing layers of my clothing in between passionate kisses. Soon I was left only in my bra and panties. I exhaled a shaky breath as I watched him look me up and down like he did the first time I came out from his shower dressed in his clothes. Back then his gaze had made me uncomfortable, but now his fiercely tender gaze made feel desirable.

“You’re so beautiful, Lorrie.”

I admired his dazzling bare torso through blurry eyes. Passionate kisses and tender caresses had quelled the tears for both of us. We pressed our heated bodies together as if we needed to. “You too, Hunter.”

“I have to kiss you again. I have to feel you, Lorrie.”

“I don’t want to fight it anymore, Hunter,” I breathed. “I want you. Kiss me.”

“Oh Lorrie.” He leaned down, crushing my body deliciously with his weight and crushing my lips with his.

I opened my mouth and his tongue slipped inside. He gave long, leisurely licks even as I grabbed at his damp hair and pulled him greedily into me. Our tongues tangled and wrestled, leaving both of us gasping for air. I closed my eyes as Hunter unhooked my bra and sealed his mouth over a breast, continuing his leisurely licks against the hardened tip.