God, I could barely even look at him. Hunter wasn’t just a weirdo; he was a sick person. “It’s hard for me to even look at you after what you did.”

“Huh? What the hell? What did I do?” His shuffling feet came to a stop near the TV. He kept his distance.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know. I fell for your bullshit before, I tried not to listen to the rumors about you. Maybe I was just stupidly naive to think you were a decent guy despite all the red flags, but now it’s all clear to me. Congratulations, Hunter. You’re a f**king ass**le.”

“What the hell, Lorrie. If you’re going to accuse me of something, say it for god’s sake!”

I threw my pillow at him but he casually swatted it away. “You used kittens to get a blowjob!” I screamed.

His sleepy eyes widened. “W-What?!”

“I heard two girls saying you invited them over to pet the kittens and they gave you a blowjob.”

“Dammit, I thought you said you didn’t listen to rumors,” he snapped. “Who did you hear that from anyway?”

“It wasn’t a rumor Hunter!” I shouted. “It was a first-hand account! I was in the bathroom and I heard them talking about how they went over to your place to see the kittens and how hot you looked with Rampage. They said they both went down on you at the same time—I don’t even know how that’s possible!” Just saying it almost made me gag. “Go ahead, tell me it’s not true. Tell me I’m being delirious and creating imaginary cats and imaginary blowjobs in my head. Tell me I’m wrong.”

His mouth was a thin line. “I told you I don’t like talking about that kind of personal stuff. I keep my sex life private.”

His obvious deflection made me seethe. “Jesus Hunter! If that’s not an admission then I don’t know what is. You make me sick! To think you were using them . . . using poor Taylor, Georgia, and Frida to get your c**k sucked. Somebody should send you to prison where you can fight all day and have your balls rot off.”

“Lorrie!” he yelled. He leaned an elbow on top of the TV to brace himself and rubbed his forehead with his other hand. “Let’s get one thing straight: I did not use the kittens to get me a blowjob! And I never would. It’s so ridiculous, are you even listening to yourself? It pisses me off to even think about it, let alone have you accuse me of it. I don’t need kittens to get me a blowjob. Girls would give me head even if I had a f**king pet rock!”

“Oh wow. The true Hunter shows his colors. So that’s what you’ve been hiding in your closet huh? You’re an egomaniac and a sexaholic. The compassionate-loner-weirdo thing you have going on was all a facade.”

“Dude, Lorrie. I’d never tell anyone details about my sex life. I just told you that because we’re friends and you’re accusing the hell outta me! What’s your deal anyway? Why are you so worked up over me getting a blowjob? You were the one who wanted to just be friends. Are you telling me you’re jealous?”

“You wish!” I yelled, my face heating from embarrassment. “I admit I might’ve been attracted to you before Hunter but after this . . . after this I don’t even know if I want to be your friend.”

“You don’t mean that,” he said somberly.

I threw my hands up in frustration, beginning to realize that I was more mad about the fact that Hunter got a BJ than the silly idea that he exploited the kittens. “Goddammit Hunter! Why did you get a blowjob from those two girls? Jesus, it wasn’t even just one girl, it was two at the same time!”

“Lorrie . . . what they did wasn’t really . . . it didn’t mean anything to me. They don’t really mean anything to me. Not like you mean to me.”

“Wow, now you have two accolades: Not only do you apparently have the biggest c**k on campus, you’re also the most insensitive guy on campus! I was pissed off at those girls before, but now I’m starting to feel bad for them. You used them.”

“It isn’t like that!” he shouted but then his voice softened. “They knew what they were getting into. I’ve always been upfront with girls about any arrangement we have. We were all consenting adults. There were no mixed signals.”

“Whatever,” I scoffed. “How many girls have you seduced since the beginning of the semester?”

“. . . I’ve only been with two girls—Lauren and Teri—they were the ones that came over and saw the cats. And to be clear: we didn’t have sex. I knew it would upset you, so I didn’t have sex with them. God, I can’t believe I’m even telling you their names. I’m breaking my rules for you, Lorrie.”

“You can break your dick while you’re at it.” Seeing no other pillows around, I settled for crossing my arms over my chest. “You thought having sex with them would upset me and so you settled for a BJ? Seriously, what goes through that f**ked up brain of yours Hunter? You think I see imaginary cats? Well, I think you see imaginary logic.”

“I’m sorry, Lorrie. I needed to feel something . . . I wasn’t in a right state of mind. I’m a bit of a mess right now. It’s stupid but it’s the only thing I know that helps . . . I’m just trying to put myself back together.”

“What are you talking about? You seemed fine just a few days ago when you met my aunt. How could you go from flexing and making jokes to a Danny Downer? You know what, nevermind. I don’t know and I don’t wanna know. We discussed it before: we both have issues that we don’t want to share. And that’s fine. All I’ll say is this: I don’t care who you sleep with or who you don’t sleep with but get BJs from. We’re just friends, so why should I care?”

“Well I care! I care about you. I care about what you think. I consider you more than just a friend, Lorrie. You’re a close friend. You mean more to me than any other girl. You’re like the female version of Gary to me.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means that you being upset with me is not something I can brush off. I can ignore the gossip about me, I can take the rumors. But I can’t take you being mad at me. How can I make this right, Lorrie? I f**ked up big time. How can I make it up to you?”

Although I was still mad at him, my heart broke to see him so distressed over things I said. I sighed, realizing I really cared about Hunter and didn’t want to lose him as a friend. “Okay, I admit hearing you getting a BJ from two girls pissed me off. It still pisses me off. But that’s my own issue. Even though we’re just friends, I can’t help being a little jealous. It’s irrational, I know, and that’s my fault . . . I’m sorry for that. I have to find a way to get over it. You’re entitled to do whatever you want in your private life.” I exhaled deeply. “I’m sorry Hunter, I’ll try to keep my jealousy under wraps.”

He shook his head. “Alright, check this out, Lorrie. First thing I’m gonna do is make it up to the kittens by buying them Tiki Cat Gourmet. I’m also gonna get them one of those running waterfall dispensers. I’m gonna pamper the hell outta them. Just watch me. And second, I’m gonna cut that shit out with girls. It’s as much for you as it is for me.” He sighed. “I’ve been f**king up a lot, way before I even met you, and I need to get my shit together. I’m glad you’re here to give me a kick in the ass.”