I’d said my good-byes tonight to my family and friends during a quick dinner at the casino. It had been quiet, my mother and Rachel equally sullen. As soon as I got to my car, I pulled out my phone to text Rachel. She was supposed to be catching a movie with Shane, Dakota, and Andrew—a blockbuster sneak preview that Dakota had gotten tickets to weeks ago.

I had bowed out, saying that I needed to pack a few more things. Instead, I sent her a final good-bye message with a more positive spin.

Have fun at the movie. If I don’t see you, I’ll text you when I land and let you know I arrived safely. Night, Turtle.

It seemed to take her a while to respond as I zipped my final belonging into my bag.

My father had arranged for a driver to take me to the airport in a few short hours. But now I was like a caged tiger, pacing back and forth, practically waffling on my decision.

I played a couple of tunes on my upright bass, before placing it back in its hard-shell case. Dakota had agreed to keep some of my belongings that were harder to ship at the condo. I would used Johan’s spare bass in the studio, one I’d grown most fond of.

When I still hadn’t heard back from Rachel twenty minutes later, I chucked my phone on the bed and plugged in my headphones. If I was going to get any sleep tonight, no matter how minimal, I need to calm the fuck down.

A few moments later, I was startled by a hard knock at my bedroom door. Who in the hell was in the condo?

When I swung open the door Rachel stood there biting her lip, unsteady on her feet. “What . . . why aren’t you at the movie?”

She looked down at her toes. “Dakota and Shane went, but I asked Andrew to drive me home.”

My heart was lodged painfully in my throat. “Why?”

“I just . . . couldn’t . . .” Fat tears began rolling down her cheeks.

“Hey, come here.” My hand at her hip, I pulled her into me. “I’m going to miss you, too.”

She tucked her head into my chest, her fingers grasping at my shoulders.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I said, kicking the door shut behind her.

“No. I just . . .” Her voice was soft and breathy. “I need you to hold me.”

When her emerald eyes met my midnight blues, a spark flared in my chest so forceful, scorching, overwhelming—that I nearly doubled over from the intensity.

It was as if all the molecules in the room were rearranging themselves to be in our airspace—forcing our fiery energy together.

It was so primal, there was no way anyone would have been able to tear us apart.

In one second flat, I had her wedged against the door. I ran my nose along her jawline as her breaths became ragged.

“Kai.”

My lips skimmed her ear. “What the hell are we doing, Rachel?”

“I don’t know.” She whimpered as my fingers braced the back of her neck beneath her hairline. “It’s already fucked up. I’d rather you left with this kind of memory, wouldn’t you?”

I growled as I lifted her off the floor, and she wrapped her legs around my waist.

My hands traveled beneath her denim skirt to her nearly-bare ass, and my hard-on ground against her stomach.

Dakota was at a movie, we were alone in the apartment, and Rachel was mine—all fucking mine, for these final stolen minutes. I wished that I could freeze this moment and stare into her eyes for all of eternity. I had no idea what the fuck we were doing—just that I needed this, too, even though I’d pay for it later.

Her arms wrapped more securely around my neck, and I leaned forward to kiss the tears from her cheeks, her skin salty, her smell divine.

This was so going to fuck with my brain, but I didn’t even care. The chance to be close to her one last time was like finding water in a fucking desert. I was ravenous for her.

She fisted my hair as her mouth found my ear. “Kiss me, Kai.”

My heart was practically crashing out of my chest as I brushed my mouth against hers, savoring how soft, how smooth her lips felt. Committing them to memory for later, when I was alone with my thoughts, my fears, and my regrets.

She hummed in response, revving me up like a wind-up toy.

I flicked my tongue at the seam of her lips, and she opened up to me. I explored every corner—her teeth, her gums, the roof of her mouth. She moaned when my ring caught on the inside of her lip. “Oh, God.”

Our lips crashed together in a deep and bruising and all-consuming kiss. It felt as if the stars in the entire fucking galaxy had aligned, and I never wanted to let go, to kiss anyone else ever again.

Her mouth tasted like cinnamon and her skin smelled like rice flower and I was drowning in her. Submerged in the ocean of everything that was quintessentially Rachel.

I sank down on my sheets, bringing her with me, and then scooted back against the headboard. I felt so alive having her in my arms, in my bed. Our lips continued searching, barely coming up for air.

Her hands were everywhere, touching every part of me she could reach. She shoved at my shirt, and I gathered the cotton material behind my neck to haul it over my head.

“Much better,” she purred into my ear.

“Your turn.” I lifted off her shirt and then made quick work of unclasping her bra and tugging it from her arms. I hadn’t been sure if I’d ever be able to lay eyes on those pert brown nipples again, and the sight of them made me lose my breath.

Then we were skin to skin, the soft cushions of her breasts flattening against my chest, and I considered telling her that she needed to come to Amsterdam with me.

Live with me. Be with me. Never let me go.

Chapter Thirty-five

Kai

I cupped her face in my hands. “God, what you do to me.”

I nibbled and licked her bottom lip and then swept kisses along her neck. I flicked my tongue against her collarbone and then down the center of her chest. Drawing her soft breast into my mouth, I sucked it into a stiff peak.

She grasped my neck as her other hand worked between us to flick open the button of my pants. All lucid thought seeped from my brain as her fingers worked my zipper, and she then gripped me firmly in her palm.

I groaned as my mouth found her other nipple and tugged it between my lips. She cried out and ground her ass against my legs.

“Touch me, Kai,” she mumbled in a haze of desire. “No holding back. I need to feel your hands.”

I knew she was saying these words because I’d been too delicate with her this past month. But now—I couldn’t hold back now even if I tried.

My hands traveled to her ass, and I jerked her skirt up around her waist. She was wearing a lacy white G-string like some goddamn angel.

“Are you trying to kill me?” I grunted out. “I need to see that pretty pussy right now.”

Her head fell back, and she moaned in an erotic way that appealed to some animalistic part of me. My longing for her skyrocketed and my patience grew thin. I grasped hold of the thin strings on either side of her panties and ripped them away from her body.

Her eyes were wide in wonder as the lacy material slid from my fingers to the floor.

“Gorgeous. So goddamn gorgeous,” I whispered as my finger reached down to tunnel inside of her. She whimpered so loudly the neighbors might have heard, but it was arousing as hell, considering we’d had to be quiet every other time.

And now she was grasping my dick and rubbing it against her thigh, trying to scoot her body closer. “Fuck, baby.”

I removed my finger from inside of her, and she brought it to her lips.

Watching her lick my finger clean was one of the sexiest damn things I’d ever seen.

She pumped her hand up and down my erection and then rubbed the tip over her soft center. And holy fuck, my dick coming in contact with her wet entrance almost made me explode on contact.

She jerked her hips forward, intent on joining our bodies, and I grabbed hold of her shoulders. “Wait, Rachel . . .”

“I’m not holding back this time,” she said, her eyes glazed over with longing. “I need to feel you inside of me. Right now.”

“Oh, you’ll feel me.” I clutched her cheeks in an effort to keep her focused. “I’m going to bury myself inside that gorgeous pussy until you scream my name and come all over my dick.”

Her eyes widened and her lips parted. She loved when I talked dirty and I planned on delivering. “But we need to find a condom.”

I hadn’t bought any condoms in a couple of months but there was certain to be a spare around here somewhere. She wasn’t thinking straight, so I needed to be the rational one.

“No condom,” she said adamantly. “I want you inside me with nothing between us.”

Goddamn. My dick was now standing at attention. “Rachel, what the fuck are you saying?”

“I want to feel this”—she ran her fingernail over my piercing—“inside me.”

My face fell. Is that what this was all about? She’d never been with a pierced guy before. She only wanted the thrill of it.

“Don’t you dare even say it,” she hissed. “This is about you. About every single part of you. And every single part of you and me together.”

Her eyes met mine with fierce determination. And I saw everything in them. Honesty and sadness. Desire and affection.

“I’m on the pill and I . . . I want to do this with you,” she whispered against my lips. “Right now, Kai.”

“Fuck, Rachel, you’re going to make me come before I even get inside of you.”

She wiggled her hips over my crotch, the tip of my dick resting at her entrance. And it felt . . . holy fuck, it felt incredible. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to hold back.

“I want you so fucking bad,” I growled.

I lifted her ass and yanked her forward, so that she was fully straddling me. Our eyes met as she was suspended there. I wanted to be sure this was absolutely what she wanted—that we were making this decision together.

“Yes,” she whispered, and then I slowly lowered her onto me. We both groaned as I entered her. My brain had liquified. The sensation was unimaginable.

Incomprehensible. Un-fucking-believable.

In another second, I had filled her completely and was so damn deep inside her body. I wanted to remain nestled there. Joined as one.

I’d only ever gone bareback once, and it’d been a stupid drunk-ass mistake. But this . . . fuck . . . this was like towering above the clouds, stomach swooping, senses on high alert, as the entire universe was laid out before you.

Grabbing hold of my shoulders for leverage, her nails dug into my skin. Her lips were parted, her eyes fiery with hunger. Engrossed in her task, she lifted up again and moaned before sinking back down, taking me inch by fucking inch.

I grabbed hold of her hips, desperate to slam her down over me, but allowing her to set the pace. My eyes threatened to cross as she continued to move. The feel of her wet and dripping center clenching my dick as she found her rhythm was a sensation I wouldn’t soon forget.

My legs were trembling and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold out. Her eyes were glassy and she began quivering with each thrust. “God, Kai, when you hit . . . that . . . one spot.”

And then she fell apart in my arms, shuddering all around me. A rosy flush had crept over her chest and cheeks, and her lips were shivering—I remained motionless, watching her, my thumbs brushing tender circles over her thighs. I wanted to keep thrusting but I also needed to witness this—Rachel coming undone. It was breathtaking.

“Don’t stop, Kai,” she finally said, catching her breath. “Keep moving.”

“Hold up a minute,” I said. I flipped her onto the bed and yanked down her skirt so that she was on my sheets completely naked. Her knees were bent, her feet flat on the mattress. Her skin glistened and her buds were still hard. I took a mental picture of her, so that when I was halfway around the world, I’d have a snapshot of this moment.

I stood and pushed down my pants, finally feeling unrestricted.

Her eyes roved over my bare skin, top to bottom, and then she sighed. “You’re beautiful.”

I worked my way up her body, licking her calves and her slick thighs, before landing between her legs. I needed to taste her again, in case I was never given another chance.

She squirmed and moaned as I sucked on her swollen nub.

After a few seconds more, she yanked at my hair. “No, Kai. Inside me. Now.”

“So bossy,” I said, crawling up her body. “I like it.”

I positioned my tip near her entrance and my thighs quivered with blinding need. I was so ready to just bury all of myself inside her warm body—to pump her full of my fears and doubts and regrets about leaving.

She wrapped her legs around my waist, and I pinned her arms above her head, consuming her eager lips. I thrust inside her, hard and deep and wet.

And holy fucking Christ, she felt tight and warm and goddamn perfect at this angle.

The sensation was almost too much to handle, and I stilled my body, hissing through my teeth.

“Move, Kai,” she said, snapping me out of my reverie. “Harder. Faster.”

She didn’t have to ask twice as I pumped into her hot and solid over and over, attempting to release all of it—my pain and passion and sorrow. Her thighs trembled and she arched up against me, her nails biting into my back as she was swept away again, mumbling my name against my neck.

It only took a few more firm thrusts before I let loose inside her. I attempted to pull out, but she gripped my ass and drove me into her, as I groaned deep and long.

“Fuck. Goddamn.” I sank down on top of her, attempting to calm my racing heart. I was a shuddering, panting mess. “So incredible.”

I kissed her neck and rolled off of her, still wanting to keep her close.