I knew she liked when I was bossy, when I took action. I could see it in her eyes—there was a flicker of desire there every time I gave a command. It was definitely one of the areas I excelled in. Taking control in the bedroom. It was probably what made girls come back for more. It was one of the few things I was good at.

But I wanted to excel at more than just the art of seduction.

Besides, I liked it when girls took charge in the bedroom, too. And given the stark difference between the Rachel I knew with Miles and the one I’d heard she’d become during the past three years, I wondered which Rachel would show up tonight.

Rachel’s eyes stayed on mine, both of us breathing heavily as the anticipation coiled around us, shrouding us like a thick blanket.

“You want this off?” she asked, teasing me by placing her hands over the cups of her bra.

I gave a curt nod.

One seductive eyebrow lifted before she leaned forward and whispered, “Then take it off yourself.”

There was the Rachel that I’d missed. Fuck me, I’d be taking a cold shower tonight. My fingers curled around her wrists and I tugged her hands away from her breasts. I yanked them down to her sides as her fists clenched tight.

I bent and kissed her neck as I reached around to unclasp her bra. Now it hung loosely on her torso. I slid the straps down her arms to remove the cumbersome material. Flinging the undergarment over my shoulder, I allowed my eyes to wander over her gorgeous breasts.

Her chest was heaving as I took in her small and round globes, her perfectly brown nipples standing at attention. Then my gaze slid up to meet hers. There was trepidation in her eyes. She’d been nervous about my inspection. Anxious about what I’d think of her body.

I gathered her face in my hands and rose up on my knees. She matched my effort, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. I scooted forward so that our chests were almost touching. She let out a small whimper, and I could feel her breath against my mouth as her lips trembled.

I leaned toward her, my lips barely grazing hers. “I always knew you’d be beautiful, Rachel.”

She closed her eyes and bent back her head to rest against my fingers. As if she were allowing my words to rinse over her. Her eyelashes fanned across her cheeks and her chest flushed a rosy color.

She’d never looked prettier.

I’d seen her vulnerable that entire year after the accident, when she was attempting to pick up the pieces of her life. Trying to survive.

But this was a different kind of weakness that I never would have guessed I would witness. She’d hoped I found her desirable. Me. The boy who she didn’t even fucking realize loved her. The one who already worshiped her, body and soul.

And I wasn’t sure where this defenselessness was coming from.

Maybe she thought I was some kind of sex expert. A guy who had seen one too many girls’ bodies. But there was nothing compared to seeing the body of the girl you loved.

She knocked the goddamn wind out of me.

I couldn’t hold myself back any longer, as I tunneled my fingers through her hair. I ran my tongue along her bottom lip and then bit down lightly. Her eyes snapped open.

My tongue probed the seam of her mouth and she parted her lips. The tips of our tongues brushed against each other while we openly stared into each other’s eyes.

As if we were being honest in this one moment. Showing each other our cards. Proving how exposed we felt in the other’s presence.

Then I deepened the kiss, and her eyes fell closed in a moan. My mouth moved over hers in a heated rush as my hands traveled down her back to clutch her ass and yank her hips forward. Her fingers grasped onto my hair as our bodies finally met skin to skin. And the feeling was indescribable.

This desperate need to feel her completely naked against me bubbled up inside me. I nudged her back onto the bed and sank down so that my skin could touch hers. I propped my forearms so as not to crush her as she opened her legs to accommodate me. My hard-as-nails dick met her soft and warm center, and we fit together like a glove. It was fucking amazing.

“Kai,” she whispered, as I took my time kissing her—her mouth warm, her tongue like velvet, as it glided smoothly against mine. My hands on her ass, I slid my lips down her neck to her collarbone. I bit down on the sensitive flesh there and ground my hard-on against her.

“Please . . . I need you.” She drove her hips against mine as she breathed on my neck.

My mouth trailed down the center of her chest and then closed around one of her stiff peaks. I felt her shudder as I flicked my tongue against the tender skin there. I moved to the other side, licking and sucking, while I cupped and pinched the other breast.

Her hands were going wild, nails scraping through my hair, down my neck, and along my back. When her moans became louder I looked into her eyes and shook my head, a silent reminder that my sister was just down the hall.

She squeezed her eyes shut and exhaled a shaky breath. I captured the skin at her throat and sucked on it greedily all while grinding my hips into hers.

Her fingers glided down my chest to my pants. Unbuttoning the top button and unzipping partway, her thumb swiped over the top of my dick. Ah, fuck.

“Rach, wait.” I gasped when her fingers slipped farther inside and she clutched me with her warm hand.

“You . . .” Her hand stilled and her lips parted. “You’re . . . pierced.”

I raised an eyebrow. “I tried to warn you.”

Her finger looped through the ring on the underside of my head, making me shudder. “How in the hell does this even work?”

I attempted to rein in my harsh breaths.

“I’ve been told it works pretty well,” I grunted out.

“You are full of surprises, you know that?” she said, marveling at me.

I grasped her hands and then pinned them above her head, rocking into her even harder. She wrapped her legs around my waist and thrust upward.

The tip of my dick strained against her entrance. “Fuck, Rachel.” The friction created from the seam of her shorts almost caused me to lose my load.

She tugged at my arms, attempting to get her hands loose. When I shook my head and smirked, she stretched her mouth upward and bit my lip, like some wild animal. “Keep that up and I’m going to come in five seconds flat.”

Her hot and stinging lips devoured my neck and my ear. Then she flicked her tongue against my mouth. When I parted my lips, she urged my tongue into her mouth and sucked on it, hard.

Beyond turned on, I was close to stripping her completely naked and licking every single inch of her skin. Branding her. Owning her. Showing her who in the fuck was boss.

I released her hands and reached down between us, grasping at the front of her cotton shorts. My fingers found her center and I rubbed her through the material.

“I want to feel your fingers,” she pleaded. “Please, touch me.”

My mouth moved down to claim her breast while my fingers slipped beneath her underwear to her very slick center. Her skin was silky smooth and—fuck me—she was completely bare. I closed my eyes in an attempt to calm my racing heart, which was pounding like a jackhammer in my chest.

She arched her back with wild abandon as my finger swept deep within her. I urged another finger inside, and my thumb stayed on her swollen nub, swirling and rubbing, as her eyes glazed over. She was close and so was I, from the pure arousal of watching her.

All it took was a few more swipes of my thumb. As she let herself go, shuddering and gasping, I fused my mouth to hers, absorbing her sounds. She cupped my ass and continued tugging me toward her. I ground my dick against her soft center a few more times, completely on the edge of losing my fucking mind.

“Come for me, Kai.” The sound of her voice urging me on was all that it had taken. I buried my face in her neck as I came hard.

“Holy fuck.” I sank down in a heap, making sure not to crush her.

“Yeah, no shit,” she said, as her palm swiped over the mess I’d made on her stomach.

I retrieved a handful of tissues from the box of Kleenex on my nightstand and did my best to clean her up as she lay panting and staring up at me.

Her finger traced over the flesh of my bottom lip, and then she lifted up to place a soft and intimate kiss on my mouth. Her eyes stayed open, and I saw tenderness and affectionate reflected in them.

I lay down beside her and pulled her body into mine. We stayed silent for a few long moments, only listening to our breaths. When she went lax against me, I knew that she’d fallen asleep.

I wouldn’t be able to doze off for another solid hour at least, so I’d make certain to wake her in time. But for now, it sure felt fucking sweet having Rachel curled up in my bed.

Chapter Eighteen

Rachel

I was meeting Miles again tonight and this time was going to be different, I could feel it. He’d been biding his time, saving himself up. Maybe even seeing if I was too delicate to hear it. So I’d decided to meet him in a public place where I felt comfortable and would have my friends for support if I needed them. Most evenings, the casino was noisy and crowded, so it may not have been the perfect location to have a serious conversation. But alone in a quiet restaurant over dinner felt too romantic, and I was already anxious enough.

Miles and I had gotten together by ourselves only one other time—at the FroYo place near Pure. Again, it had been quiet and ordinary. Almost humdrum. I’d begun to question what in the hell we’d ever had in common. He claimed he had stuff to say to me, but yet again, he never did.

Then his text came last night.

Miles: Meet up again? I really need to get some things off my chest.

Rachel: You’ve had plenty of opportunity, Miles.

Miles: I know I have. I was just . . . giving you time to get comfortable around me again.

Me: ???

Miles: I wanted to see what it would be like to hang with you. To spend time getting to know you again. See what there still was between us.

Me: WTF? Pretty sure we’re not on the same wavelength. I only met up with you so you could say what you needed to say. NOT to be in each other’s space again. You can’t make that decision for me. I swear to God, Miles, you need to get on with it. Spill it or be on your way. This is absolutely the last time I will be meeting with you. Got that?

Miles: Got it. And I agree.

I figured if he held back yet again, then I would be the one to say good-bye. Three times would be enough closure for me.

He was lucky I was even giving him this chance. But I had to admit, I was still curious about what he had to say.

Dakota and Kai were at work, so I got ready alone in the apartment. I kept dropping my mascara wand in the sink as I prayed that I wouldn’t make a fool of myself by dressing in the outfit Dakota had insisted I wear. Had I been at the university prepping for a frat party with the girls, I would have worn my sexiest shirt, my tightest jeans, and swiped on one more coat of mascara. I pleaded for that confident and carefree mind-set now.

I had wondered for hours on end what in the hell Miles could possibly have to confess. Even though I felt stronger each time I saw him, I was afraid continued contact with him might finally break the dam keeping my emotions at bay. Would wreck me all over again. I actually questioned if these past three years were only a precariously placed Band-Aid over my heart and whether I’d done any real healing after all.

What if I only thought that I’d become stronger, self-possessed, and secure in my own skin? Maybe my supposed healing was a ticking time bomb, like the carefully monitored pressure in my brain, threatening to boil over at any moment. Be my undoing. Take me to my final grave.

Everybody still tiptoed around the subjects of Miles and my accident. I knew Mom and Dad were terrified that I’d have long-term physical complications, like an infection or a random blood clot—it was a long shot, sure, but I saw the caution in their eyes.

Allowing me to go away to college had been a huge step for them—of letting me go. I could still feel the tethers from miles away.

The only person who seemed to treat me the same was Kai. He’d always had this quiet confidence that I would be okay, that everything would work out. And for that alone I admired him. Appreciated him. Would always consider him a best friend.

But best friends didn’t get that gnawing feeling in their stomaches when they saw each other, the one that gets you all knotted up inside, hoping that the too-perfect moments from another night could be repeated again and again.

A platonic friend didn’t stand in front of the mirror and wonder if the same outfit she was wearing to meet her ex would also appeal to that certain someone else working tonight.

If anything, I should have been thanking Kai for the distraction; otherwise I would have been a basket case at this point. Instead, my stomach twisted and sloshed with anxiety and dread.

I tugged the black mini dress from the hanger and slipped it over my head and down around my hips. Then I stepped into my killer black pumps. I rarely dressed like this, but Dakota had shoved her collection of gorgeous dresses at me, adamant that I wear this number because the neckline made my boobs look bigger. She told me to go big or go home. She said if this was the last meet-up with Miles, he needed to have one final hot memory of me.

I turned toward my closet and considered pulling out my best pair of jeans and my highest wedges instead. But I was already dressed, and it kind of felt nice to wear a dress for a change. Maybe I should do it more often. Maybe Dakota was rubbing off on me.

I looked in the mirror, and as a line of red washed across my cheeks, I imagined Kai kissing my neck. The way the ball of his tongue ring dragged across my flesh and how his fingertips felt rough and uneven from plucking at the strings of his bass.

Thinking about the sexiness that Kai exuded was definitely serving as a great diversion from my meet up with Miles.

***

I drove to the casino in a haze, prepping myself for the night ahead. I parked in the garage and took the elevator up to the casino level. As I neared the bar, I saw that Miles was already seated at a small table. My emotions flooded back. How it had felt to be with him. How I’d melded into his body, his interests and plans. How I’d lost who I was with him.