Author: Nyrae Dawn

***

"Jay, wake up. Are you hungry?"

Clouds are trying to part in my head at the sound of Priscilla's voice. Man, I must have really passed out. My eyes open and she's standing at my open door, Bastian and Aspen nowhere in sight.

"We stopped to eat. You want something?"

"Yeah. I'm starved." We didn't eat breakfast before we left this morning and my stomach is growling.

They stopped at some hole-in-the-wall diner that looks like it came out of a movie or something, I'm assuming because we're in the boonies and there's nowhere else to go.

Priscilla scoots back and I get out of the car and stretch, before walking with her. Once we get inside I realize I really need to take a leak. My mouth is all dry and cottony, too. Priscilla starts to head over to Bastian and Aspen who are sitting in a corner booth, when I stop her. "I'm going to the bathroom. If they take a drink order before I get back, will you grab me a soda?"

"I guess." She winks at me and I freeze, because damn it's hot when a girl winks.

I do my business and then wash my hands and splash some water on my face, hoping it will help me wake up. When I'm done, I'm walking back to the table when I see Priscilla halfway across the room from our table, with the waitress. It looks like she had to run to catch up with her or something.

"Umm, excuse me. I was on the phone and my friend accidentally ordered a Pepsi for my other friend, but he likes Cherry Pepsi. Is it too late to change that?"

I start to step around the corner to tell her it's not a big deal. I like Cherry Pepsi better, but I can drink anything. But it kind of is a big deal. Which, yeah, I know. It's lame. Who cares what kind of soda it is, but that's not the point. What matters is she knows what I prefer. That she left the table to talk to the waitress so I would have the kind of freaking soda I want. Not because she had to or because I asked for a specific kind or any of the other billion reasons someone can do something their obligated for. She just did it...for me. Just because she wants me to have what I like.

Yeah. To me, that totally is a big deal.

So I stay ducked around the corner and let her finish talking to the waitress and then I watch her head back over to the table and sit down before I head that way, too. Plopping down beside her in the booth, I look around the table and say, "Please tell me one of you were smart enough to get me a Cherry Pepsi."

"Umm, yeah. I did." Priscilla almost looks embarrassed.

Me? I feel good, because even though I didn't come out and say it, I found a way to thank her for thinking of me. Sometimes it's easier to say things when you don't really have to say them at all.

***

Honestly? We don't really have a ton of stuff planned in Salt Lake. There are two things we really want to do. Sebastian is determined to go rafting down the Provo River. He thinks it will earn him man points or something—not that the rapids are too huge or anything, but we've heard it's a good time.

The other thing is we're supposed to eat at this place called Café Rio. Priscilla and her family eat there when they come to stay at the place they keep here for when they coming skiing in the winter. Yep, she has a place in Salt Lake. Which, in the grand scheme of things, isn't that big a deal, but also, she has a second house in Salt Lake. And we're staying there. Should be a good time, right?

Back to the Café. According to her, they make their own tortillas on a stone or something. Sounds strange to me, but she says it's the best place to eat Mexican food while you're here.

Once we get into town we head to the house first. It's seriously huge. Probably three of my houses. It's never really bothered me because she's not one of those girls who flaunts it. Priscilla couldn't honestly give a shit about her parents' money, but since I've been on a poor-me-kick lately, it kind of sucks. I keep thinking about how her dad looked at me at the police station all beat up and pierced and then the fact that they obviously didn't want me at her graduation party and suddenly Mike's words start trying to push their way into my head again. Into our trip when I don't want that bastard anywhere near us.

Not that I'm not a bastard too.

The elbow that's holding my head up gets pushed out from under me, snapping me out of it. I turn and Priscilla is sitting by me. She starts mumbling stuff in Spanish.

"Why do you do that when you know I have no clue what you're saying?" I sound pissy now even though I know I shouldn't.

She and I are in the kitchen and I'm not sure where the others snuck away to. I'm pretty sure they're locked in a room and we won't want to bother them, though.

"I do it because I don't want you to know what I'm saying. Or when you make me mad." She shrugs. "Or as it typically goes, both at the same time."

She's wearing this little tank-top thing that shows a whole lot of skin. I'm not sure if I want to thank God or pry my eyes out because it sucks to be able to see and not touch.

"What did I do?"

"Dios," she sounds frustrated now. Priscilla leans over the counter that separates us. Her head is in her hands, her elbows on the counter the way I just was. "Because you're getting upset, or thinking about something you don't like. Or something that bothers you, that you'll pretend isn't a big deal and never tell us, because why would Jaden need his friends?"

For a second, I'm stunned. I want to tell her I'm not like that, but we both know I am. Then I want to find out if she's freaking psychic, because how else would she know what I was thinking? And, third, let's get back to the stunned part because Priscilla has never really been one to keep things in, but first her admission last night and now this? She's usually not quite so open. I'm not sure what to think of it.

"I need you guys,” is what comes out of my mouth. I need you guys? Could I sound any more like a douche?

"Okay." She shrugs and then grabs a glass out of the cabinet, before filling it with water.

Leave it alone, Jay. She's letting you off the hook. Instead, my word vomit continues when I ask, "What do you mean, okay? That means you don't believe me." Holy shit, do I sound like a girl right now. What's wrong with me?

She sighs and I want to do the same thing. I have no idea how we got on this road anymore and I'm definitely not sure if I want to keep traveling it or get the hell off.

"What were you thinking about, Jaden?"

How my dad isn't my dad. That he's told me all my life I'm a piece of shit. Oh, and you're the opposite of that. "Nothing."

She shakes her head. "Point proven. One for me, zero for you. I know you need us, but I also know you'll never let me be there for you. You'll never admit anything to me—I mean, us. I'm tired of pretending otherwise."

 I groan, really not in the mood to do this. "Can we let it go? You never showed me what room I'm staying in."

Another head shake. And, yeah, another point for her.

***

I'm lying in Pris's bed. Alone. Which totally sucks, but whatever. She's staying in her parents' room while the newlyweds take the spare room. I'm sure they're enjoying the alone time.

I play with my cell phone, letting it roll around in my hand. To call or not to call? Okay, that was lame and, yeah, of course I'm going to call because I'm obviously a glutton for punishment. I mean, Mom pretty much made it clear she didn't care when she kicked me out, but the head and the heart? They don't always use the same frequency. I think mine has a particularly bad connection.

There's a part of me that doesn't want to talk to her, or wants to think I don't. I'm not sure which, but she told me to go and I went, ready to walk away, but, yeah, totally not as easy as I thought.

A few more minutes pass as I wait for it to ring. I don't know why. It won't. Not unless it's Sebastian from the other room being lazy or his mom checking in. But for some stupid, lame, annoying reason I will it to ring. Just this once, wanting her to think of me the way Pris did with the Cherry Pepsi.

It doesn't happen so I decide to stop moping and dial the damn phone. Mom picks up after the fourth ring.

"Hello?"

My first thought is she sounds the same, which is a stupid freaking thought because why would she sound different? It's not like I've been away for years or something. "Hey, Mom. It's me, Jaden."

And the winner of the most idiotic sayings in a row goes to Jaden Sinclair. Of course me is Jaden. Who else would it be?

"Jaden. Hi. How are you?"

"I'm cool." I cross my legs. "Just thought, you know, you might want me to check in or something. Thought maybe you'd wonder how far we got or want to make sure we're all safe. We are, if you're interested." Heat simmers inside me. Why did I even call her? I should have known all it would do is make me mad.

When she speaks, she has the nerve to sound offended. "Of course I'm interested. You're my son,."

But I'm not Mike's.

Why the hell do I even care? I mean, it's not like I really do, but at least then I knew. Now? I don't know anything.

"We're in Salt Lake." I change the subject.

"Good. That's good. Have you talked to your uncle?" Her voice is soft.

"Yeah. I'm supposed to call him when I figure out when I'm flying in. Depends on when we get to New York. He'll pick me up at the airport and stuff."

Heat rolls through my body and I don’t want to tell her anything. Don’t want her to know who's picking me up or what I'm doing because in my head, she doesn't deserve to know. Not after everything.

But then, hiding inside me, there’s a guy who somehow found a damn flame-retardant suit that is soft and feels the need to tell her.

"Good... That's good. You'll be happy there."

Will I? I don't know. I could have been happy in New York. And maybe I can be happy in Texas. Or maybe I'm fooling myself into thinking I'll be completely happy anywhere.

I shake my head. Jesus, I hate all these thoughts. I feel like such whiner. "Okay. I guess, I better go."

"Okay. Bye. Thanks for calling," Mom's voice bounces back at me.

I open my mouth to say, bye, but instead something else comes out. "Are you... Are you okay?" Not that she wouldn't be. Actually, things are probably better for her now. I'm sure all Mike ever wanted was me gone anyway.

Mom sounds perky when she says, "Of course, I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

Exactly. Why wouldn't she be?

I hang up the phone and, my mind goes back to the stupid piece of paper in my pocket, wondering what the person who lives at the address is like. Wondering, just maybe, if things were different, if they'd be the type who would call me.

Chapter EightWe get up the next day and get ready for our rafting trip. I'm totally looking forward to it, and not, at the same time. It's going to be fun, yeah, I know, but there's another little fact that keeps jumping around in my head.

Priscilla in a bikini.

She wore one last summer and I about died. I mean, sexy, right? I’m totally pumped to see one again because... yeah, guys are visual creatures, remember? But this is going to be hard on me, too, seeing what I can't have. Hard isn't even the right word. Brutal. Killer. I'm totally going to want to touch. Which I can't and it sucks, so yeah, mixed feeling on the whole raft trip.

We head up to the raft rental building. We're going for one all of us can ride. The trip is only like an hour and a half. Bastian is bouncing around on his feet like he's about to jump in the ring with Mike Tyson during his ear-biting era, and I can't help but let it rub off on me. Adrenaline starts pumping through me as I think about being out there on the water.

"Think you can handle it out there, Doc?" I give him a playful push. "I mean, it's not like I can't pick up the slack for you or anything, but..."