Author: Nyrae Dawn

Tell her, tell her, tell her.

The words repeat in my brain, but it's another broken connection and I can't get them to come out of my mouth. Instead I keep on being afraid and lean back on the ground, my hands locked behind my head. Priscilla leans on my arm.

"You're quiet. Everything okay?" She reads me like she always does.

"Just the stuff with my mom. We got into it. She's really tripping out about my da—Mike. It's fucking crazy that I still forget and call him dad. It's not like he ever acted like one."

"It's a lot to take in, Jaden. You've gone through a lot of crap in a short amount of time. Give yourself a break, or I'll have to kick your butt."

"You can't kick nothing. I got mad skills."

"Dios!" She groans. "You just sounded like Sebastian."

"What? I'm way cooler than him. Plus, he'd say something dumb like ninja."

Priscilla laughs. "Because ‘mad skills' is so much better than being a ninja."

"It is." I roll over and touch my lips to hers. Seriously. I've always liked kissing, but kissing other girls doesn't hold a candle to kissing her.

When we separate I look down at her. "She called me her mistake." I don't know why I feel the need to tell her. I feel kind of dumb, but I need to get it out too. Need to tell her.

"She doesn't deserve you." Priscilla's hand comes up and pushes my hair back. It fell into my face because of the way I'm leaned over. "None of them do. You're not a mistake, Jaden Sinclair."

"Thanks." And then because I feel like a total girl right now and I don't know what else to do with myself, I kiss her again. Still not man enough to use my mouth to tell her I have to stay.

***

"What the hell?" The car hardly comes to a stop in Mom's driveway, beside an all too familiar car, before I'm shoving out of the door and running to the house.

"Jaden!" Priscilla says, right behind me.

I stop. My breath rushes out, my heart pulse slamming in my ears. Mike is here and I'll kill him if he hurt her, but I don't want Priscilla to have to deal with it.

"Here." I put Mom's keys in her hand. "Take her car, okay? I don't want you to have to hear this shit. I’ll call you soon, baby."

Without waiting for her to reply, I head into the house. It feels like I'm having a heart attack. I can't make my breathing slow down and my heart is in my throat, but I can't stop picturing her yesterday: the tears and the pain in her voice and it's making me crack and break inside.

"Mom!" I rush into the kitchen and stumble, I'm so shocked at what I see. Which is nothing. It's normal, I mean. As if it's a regular day. Like she wasn't crying because he left her, because he made her feel unworthy. As though she didn't plan for me to help her. Stay with her.

If I thought I was losing it before, I'm literally going insane. How can she hang out with him in the kitchen like nothing happened?

"The prodigal son returns. Pretty little boy like you not man enough for the big bad world?" Mike sets down his spoon. He's sitting at the kitchen table, eating whatever the hell it is she cooked for him, after everything that happened?

I hate that I'm mute. I can't open my mouth and fucking speak. My eyes dart to Mom as she stands by the stove, looking at me. Is she scared? Worried? Maybe both. I can't tell, but she's looking and not saying anything. Why am I surprised?

But then...I feel something at my side. Pris' hand on my arm and it pulls me out of my trance. "Actually, I was doing pretty well for myself before I had to come home and clean up your mess. Couldn't handle not picking on someone so you had to take it out on her when I left?"

His face pales. Hate lights his eyes. Yeah, obviously he doesn't like being called out in front of Priscilla. Well, I don't either. His jaw tenses. I can see it in his eyes, see him trying to calm himself so he doesn't react in front of her.

"Mom, let's go." I'm not sure where I plan to take her, but I'll get her out of here.

Each second drags out like a freaking year or something, but she's still not replying.

"Mom."

Priscilla's hand squeezes my arm. It reminds me I'm not standing here alone. Man, I didn't realize how much I need that.

"Jaden... I..." She looks at Mike, as though she needs his permission to speak.

"You what! Let's go! He left you. You don't need him."

"You little piece of shit." Mike pushes out of the chair so hard it falls to the floor. At the same time, I go for him. Priscilla holds onto me, her nails biting into me as Mom reaches for Mike.

"Jaden, let's just go, okay? Come on. We'll get our stuff and go back to New York."

"Don't let him do this, Mom. Don't let him keeping breaking you down like this." My throat is scratchy.

"She's not going anywhere, you punk. She's mine. She belongs to me! Now you can shut your mouth and get the hell out of my house!"

"She—" I start, but Mom cuts me off.

"Jaden, it's okay. I want to be here. Everything is okay now. I'm okay. You can go."

 With that I completely stop fighting Priscilla's hold. I stop moving. I might even stop breathing.

Mike jumps in, "Don't explain anything to him. He doesn't deserve to know. Coming in my home and insulting me."

I was willing to stay here for her. I flew all the way back for her. And it's still not good enough.

Without a word, I turn and walk out. Priscilla is with me.

No matter what, Mom will always love Mike more than me.

I get outside and realize I don't have a car. I got us stuck here in the middle of a burning hot day without a car.

"Jaden, I..." Pris starts.

I shake my head. "I can't. Not right now." But then I grab her hand right as the screen door slams behind us.

It's Mom. With my stuff.

"Jaden, I'm so sorry. He came home and he apologized. It'll be okay now."

I don't even want to reply anymore. There's no use. No purpose. It won't make a difference.

"I love him, Jaden."

And there's the difference. She loves him. Not me. Not enough at least.

She hands me my bag and I take it. "We're taking the car. I'm not letting Priscilla walk. You can go get it from her house."

"Okay. I'll call you soon. Once things blow over, I'll call you."

Translation: don't call her. And I realize, I won't. Not anymore. I can't fix this. Never could. I flew all the way home to take care of her and it's still not enough.

“No, Mom. Don’t call. You made your choice.”

 I squeeze my girl's hand. Ignoring the rock that landed on my chest, we walk away.

Chapter Nineteen

"Are you okay?" Priscilla asks as we drive away. My hands pinch tightly around the steering wheel. My eyes hurt, and my chest aches. No, I'm not okay at all. I feel like going wild, crazy, doing anything to let out all the anger and pain trapped inside me.

"No."

" That was a stupid question. I'm sorry I asked." She reaches over and puts her hand on the back of my neck.

"I can drop you off at home, or whatever. I'll leave the car there and maybe go to Courtney's and we can figure out getting back to New York."

I think about what Mom said... What I said. I'd been willing to stay for her and hadn't even told Priscilla. That has to hurt her. The most important thing to me and I managed to hurt her again. I hate it.

"You're not getting rid of me, Jaden. We both go to Courtney's or we both go to my house."

"How is that going to work when your parents hate me?" How many people are on that list now? The people that hate me. Must suck to be the one with the boyfriend you can't bring home.

Priscilla sighs. "They're not home, Jay. They don't even know I'm here. Mom had called me and told me they were going out of town for a week."

"I thought..." They had to stay home for a while. I stop when I realize what I was about to say. Smooth move, Sinclair. Leave it to me to almost mention something else that would hurt her.

"You thought right. I know they said they couldn't do any traveling for the next couple months—that's why they aren't coming out like Aspen's parents are."

Even more anger pulses inside me. How can they not realize how freaking amazing she is? How can they not want to spend more time with her? "We're quite a pair, huh?" I pull over in front of her house. Leaning over the center console, I pull her to me. "You're worth more than that, Priscilla. You're worth everything and they're insane not to know how special you are."

Tears glint in her eyes and I wipe them away. "I love you," I tell her. More tears start to pour out of her eyes. "I'm sorry. Is now not the time to say that? Should I go back to just telling you how hot you are?"

She smiles like I hoped she would, but she's still crying when she says, "Now's the perfect time. I love you too."

We get out of the car and head into her house. It's huge. Like five of mine—my old house, I mean. There's a crystal chandelier hanging in the entry way and that's just the beginning. I've seen her house before, of course, but it's different now.

"It's so fake in here. Just like everything else, it's all for show."

Like always, she says the perfect thing.

"Do you want to talk about your mom?" We pass the formal living room and sit on the white couches in the family room.

"No. I don't even want to think about it right now. I just can't." Maybe I should. Maybe that makes me weak, but I can't help it. It's so much easier to process things inside than out. My brain works better than my mouth when it comes to stuff like that.

"Okay. I'm going to go take a shower then. You want to watch TV? Then we can make plans to go back to New York?"

"Can I join you, instead? That sounds like a lot more fun." I pull her to me. My hands rest on her hips and her arms come up around my neck. Her lips meet mine halfway and I kiss her. I know how her lips move now, how she likes to explore my mouth the same way I like to do to hers. When I pull away, I'm thinking there's a pretty good chance she's about to tell me no, but when I start to follow her, she puts a hand on my chest.

"Don't even think about it, big guy."

I groan as she walks away, shaking her hips more than she usually does.

"Hey!" I call to her when she gets to the stairs. Priscilla stops and looks at me. "Thanks."

She might have nixed the shower idea, but I know she's only going up there to give me time to think. Because she knows I'm much better at that then talking about it.

"Any time."

***

She's not upstairs five minutes when I hear the door rattle. The sound does the same thing to my insides. It's her parents and they're totally going to freak when they see me. I know it. Before they might have tolerated me, but after the jail thing, I know things are different.

My first instinct is to run, but I stop myself. What kind of man would I be if I ran out? If I can't even man-up to her dad?

The door creaks open, then slams.

"I can't wait to get these clothes off you," a women's voice says, all seductively.

Now, I'm really freaking out because the last thing I want is to see her parents going at it.

"I can't wait for you to do it either, seniorita."

The voices are getting closer and I start to look for a place to hide, hoping they'll end up upstairs.

I know I'm screwed when her dad stumbles around the corner and then a woman. Who most certainly isn't Priscilla’s mom. Holy shit.