Chapter 19
"We'll find her. We will find her," Matt said, pushing his foot down on the accelerator. He wasn't sure whom he was trying to convince, Jasmine or himself, but even he could hear the uncertainty in his voice. How could anyone have gotten to Trinity? She'd only been unattended for a couple of minutes at most. There'd been no sign of violence in the room, just the covers pushed back, the saline drip making a wet patch on the empty bed.
"I can't understand how she could have walked away." Jasmine shivered. "She was so sick. She just kept staring at me with those yellow eyes while I gave her the injections. I doubt she even saw me."
"I don't think she left on her own," Matt said tightly. The sun was just coming over the horizon, dazzling him, and he squinted hard at the road ahead. Then the other part of what Jasmine had said registered, and his hands jerked on the wheel.
"Careful!" Jasmine yelped, and Matt swerved back into his own lane, his heart pounding.
"What do you mean, yellow eyes?" he asked. "Trinity has blue eyes; I'm sure of it."
Shaking her head, Jasmine wrapped her arms around herself. "This is all too weird," she muttered, and fell into silence for the rest of the ride home.
When they got to Jasmine's building, Matt parked and walked Jasmine to her door. She turned to him, her key in her hand, and his heart sank. There was something unfamiliar in her face: a look of fear and doubt. I did this. I wanted to keep all this from her so she'd never have to look like that.
"Trinity will be all right," he said, babbling, desperate to take that look away. "We'll find her tomorrow; everything will be fine. She can't have gone far. And, you know, she'll be all right because you saved her. I can't-I'm so grateful to you, I can't tell you how much-"
But Jasmine was shaking her head back and forth in denial, a strong no no no. "Matt-" she said.
"I love you," Matt said quickly, talking over her. "It's not always like this, I promise. And we can teach you to protect yourself." Matt reached out a hand, trying to reassure her, but her arms were crossed over her chest.
That was the wrong thing to say; he knew it as he said it. Jasmine's lips twisted into a wry smile. "That's supposed to make me feel better?"
Matt's vision blurred. "I love you," he said again, hearing the flat note of despair in his voice. He always lost everything. Everyone.
Jasmine's eyes were shining with tears. She uncrossed her arms and reached out to take Matt's hand. "I love you, too, Matt," she said, steadily. "But this is too dangerous, for both of us." She frowned. "Maybe I can finish my residency somewhere else. We could start fresh."
Matt stepped back. "I can't just leave," he said. "These are my friends. We have to find Trinity and figure out-" He broke off. Jasmine's face was miserable with longing, but her mouth was a firm line.
"I know," she said, her fingers tightening on his as if she couldn't bear to let him pull away. "You're so loyal. I love that about you."
"So ... is this the end?" he asked her, dreading what she would say next. He felt like he was drying up inside, withering.
"I think it has to be," Jasmine whispered. Tears were running down her cheeks, and she let go of his hand again to swipe at them, sniffing.
Part of Matt wasn't surprised. All this time, he'd known that it would come down to this-his friends, or Jasmine. He couldn't have both. Love didn't work out for him. He ducked his head down, stared at his grimy sneakers. "I don't want to lose you," he said softly, "but I can't change who I am."
There was a choked-off sob from Jasmine, and then her lips brushed lightly over his cheek. He didn't look up, just kept his eyes fixed on the tattered shoelaces on his right shoe, the rip in the side. Then she was gone, the door of her building slamming behind her.
Matt touched the spot where Jasmine had kissed him, holding onto this, the last kiss she would give him. The sun had risen over the horizon now, and everything seemed hard and cold and bright.
He turned and walked back to the car alone, the wind whipping against his cheeks where he could still feel Jasmine's kiss.