Author: Jill Shalvis

“Hold it there,” she said tightly when he winced. “You’re swelling.”

Nick took some heart in the fact that she hadn’t offered Carlos a bag of peas.

“We’re making a getaway for a few,” she said to Sawyer. “You going to have our backs?”

“Sure.” Sawyer looked down at her, his eyes softening. “You know where to find me if you need anything.”

“Come on,” Mia said to Nick, and tugged him outside. They walked across the yard to the marina and into a small building, where she snatched a set of keys off a desk. From inside a closet, she grabbed two life vests and carried them with her.

Because she didn’t look like she was ready to talk, he followed her to the docks to a rickety old houseboat that had definitely seen better days.

“It came with the marina,” Mia said. “My dad taught me how to operate it several summers ago.”

Nick eyed the shabby houseboat and then the dark, choppy water. “It’s December.”

She glanced over at him, her eyes showing the slightest amusement and also the hint of challenge. “So?”

“The water looks cold.”

“Yeah. Don’t fall in,” she said.

He rubbed his jaw and studied the death trap. “Is this thing seaworthy?”

“Mostly.”

What the hell. He boarded behind her, watching as she tossed the life vests down but within reach, and then turned on the engine compartment blower and checked the outdrive and propeller.

“Untie the mooring lines,” she said, “and FYI? You’re my rear lookout.”

“My pleasure,” he responded, and checked out her rear.

She rolled her eyes but let out a low laugh that was music to his ears. “The boat,” she said. “Make sure we’re clear.” She went inside the houseboat to the controls, leaving the door open so she could hear him as she started the engine. “I’ve got to run this for two minutes at 1500 rpm,” she called to him. “Time me.”

Two minutes later, he told her “time,” and then was amused when she began barking directions at him like a drill sergeant.

“This bossiness is a new side of you,” he murmured, entertained. “I like it.”

“Just keep your eyes on the water. Pulling this bad boy is tricky, and I don’t want to clip the dock. Jax hates it when I do that, because he’s the one that fixes everything around here. Oh shit, am I close? Stop checking out my ass and go look! Hurry!”

“I’m not much for hurrying,” he said, doing as she asked and moving to where he could see their hind end. “I’m more a fan of the slow and thorough.” He slid her a look through the door. “I’m going to remind you of that you when it’s my turn to be in charge.”

She stopped moving, nibbling on her lower lip as her eyes went a little glossy.

“Mia?”

“Yeah?”

“The boat.”

“Oh!” She jerked back to attention.

When they cleared the marina safe and sound, he joined her inside. She wiped her brow and turned to him. “Slow and thorough?”

“Have you forgotten?”

She blushed. “No. I remember.”

“Do you?” He liked the look of her standing at the bridge. He came up behind her, a hand on either side, caging her in. “I was starting to wonder…”

She closed her eyes when he leaned over her and brushed his mouth along her jaw. Taking that as a good sign, he concentrated on the sweet spot beneath her ear. She let out a shuddering sigh, but gave him a nudge back.

“I need space,” she said. “I can’t think when you’re so close. I’m not going to run this thing into the ground because you’re distracting me.”

The sensation of needing more room had figured prominently in Nick’s life. He’d always needed far more room than he’d been given. Then he’d turned eighteen, been free of the system, and made sure to never be cornered again. That she needed room from him sucked. “I never meant to hurt you, Mia.”

“Is that what you came all the way across the country to tell me?”

“Yes,” he said. “Partly.”

“You could have said that much on the phone.”

“You didn’t answer your phone,” he pointed out.

“I was on a plane. And I called you back, and you didn’t answer your phone.”

“Because I was on a plane,” he said.

She sighed. “You shouldn’t have come.”

There was something terrifying in her voice. A distance, he thought, and felt the licks of a newfound and very unwelcome emotion blocking his throat. Panic.

She apparently didn’t have the same problem. “We’ve said all that needed to be said,” she told him.

“Not by a long shot.” Turning her to face him, he pulled her in close, which took some doing because she was stiff as a board. “I didn’t come out here just to apologize, Mia,” he said, cupping her face. “I wanted to be with you. I’ve wanted to be with you since day one, when you saved my ass.”

“You’d have figured it out. That class wasn’t hard.”

“I don’t mean the stupid class,” he said. “I mean life. You saved my ass in life. And you’ve been saving it ever since. Keeping me on track when no one else ever gave a shit, encouraging me to go after what I want. And what I want, Mia, is you. I want you in my life, in a relationship with me.”

She searched his gaze for a long beat. “When I asked you to this wedding,” she finally said, “I really just wanted your company. I wasn’t asking for—”

“I know. I was an idiot, Mia.”

She rolled her eyes again but definitely warmed toward him. “Look at us,” she said. “Two ridiculously scared peas in a pod.”

He shook his head. “Scarred, maybe. Not scared. I’m not scared of this.”

“Well, that makes one of us.” She let out a breath. “I thought I knew what and who we were. But I was wrong.”

“I screwed up.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “No one can blame you for not being ready for a relationship. I thought I was ready, but the truth is, I’m not even sure what a real relationship is.” She paused, and a frightening solemnity came into her eyes. “We were both given away once. I’ve made peace with that. I grew up loved, so I know what it feels like. Now I have my birth parents in my life, too, and have had nothing but acceptance. I even had a teenage love that I have nothing but fond memories of. But the fact is that I picked these relationships. I found my birth parents. I forced my way into their lives. Hell, I forced myself on Carlos, for that matter. He had no choice; he never knew what hit him. I’ve always done the picking, Nick, and—”

“—And for once you want to be picked,” he said softly. “I know. I’m picking you, Mia.”

“No, listen to me…that very first day when you strolled into class? There were two girls sitting in the seats on one side of me and my backpack on the other. I saw you come in and my heart stopped.” She put a hand to her chest as if it ached. “I told the girls that James Franco was in the back row, and when they scampered off to check, I quickly kicked my backpack beneath the seat in front of me, making it look like I had nearly a whole row to myself so you’d take one of the seats. And then…” She sucked in a breath. “Then I broke the cardinal girl rule.”

Nick was confused. “Girl rule?”

“I didn’t wait three days to see if you’d contact me. I made sure to run into you the next day with brownies. I threw myself at you, Nick. Don’t you see? You had no choice.”

He stared at her for another beat and then laughed.

She smacked him. “I’m serious!”

“So am I.” He let his smile fade, let his own intent ring clear in his voice. “So now you listen. Mia, I think of you from the moment I open my eyes to when I close them at night. You make me smile, you make me ache. You make me think, you make me strong. You make me frustrated as shit, and I honestly can’t see myself without you. I know you don’t quite believe that right now, and that’s okay. I can wait for you to catch up.”

She shook her head. “I’m so confused. I really thought that this whole thing was your fault, but now I’m confused because you’ve changed your mind about commitment. I’m going to be a counselor, Nick. How can I be a counselor when I’m so confused? God, I was such a smug idiot.”

“No, you’re the smartest woman I know. And if anyone’s the idiot, it’s me. A slow idiot.”

She didn’t disagree with him, which might have made him smile if this hadn’t been so serious. “I didn’t change my mind, Mia. I always knew.”

She stared at him, and he touched her, running a finger along her temple. He couldn’t help himself. “I just didn’t know how to make this work,” he said.

“And you know now?”

“No, but I want to figure it out. Together. Mia, I heard back about the job.”

Her breath hitched, and she stared into his eyes. “You got it.”

He nodded, taking in her expression. She was happy for him. He could see that clear as day. Past any sadness for her own heart, her relief for him was tangible. Tugging her close, he buried his face in her hair. Carlos was right. Neither of them deserved her, himself especially. But hell if he’d walk away. “I was going to tell you about it at dinner the other night, but then I couldn’t.”

She pulled back and stared into his eyes. “Because you thought I would hold you back?”

“No.” He tightened his grip on her. “I knew you wouldn’t. But you were talking about us going skiing next month, and then on a Valentine’s Day trip. I want to do those things, but I probably won’t be able to. And I didn’t know how to tell you.”