“It’s sex,” Lana said more quietly. “You need to remember that.”

“What does that mean?”

Lana laid down the red garment and turned to look at me. Her face was very serious and I thought I saw a glimpse of pain in her eyes. “When you have sex for the very first time, you can ascribe a lot of emotional feelings to that one guy. Sometimes it is really hard to set those aside.” She put her hand on my arm as if she really wanted me to pay attention. “Noah hurt you and your relationship wasn’t even physical. Now he is going to be your first. When he leaves you, it is going to be a million times worse.”

When he leaves you. Those were the only words that really penetrated. I suddenly felt so cold. “God, why is the air conditioning so high here?” I asked with false cheerfulness. I looked down at the red concoction of lace and ribbons. In my little fantasies, I hadn’t gotten to the part where Noah left me. My heart stuttered a little.

Putting an arm across my back, Lana said, “Enjoy your time with him. He’s a great guy, and he’s perfect as your first. But be careful. He’s hurt you once. He has a bad track record of stringing you along and then backing out once he’s got you. Maybe he just likes the conquest.”

“Just sex then?” I picked up the red number. I didn’t know if I could do that and still guard my heart from him. But maybe the uncomfortable scratchy lace would be a reminder that this wasn’t about being comfortable and safe but about trying new and different things. Just this once.

***

Noah came and got me before the party started. He told Lana that he’d pay for a cab for her, but she declined. She was going to play designated driver for Amy and a group of the sorority girls. Noah left Lana with six wristbands. “Give them to whomever you want. Just show them at the gate to get in.”

Noah, Finn, and I went to a warehouse store to pick up plastic cups, napkins, chips, bottled beer and liquor. The other guys were in charge of obtaining the keg.

When we returned to the house, Noah went upstairs to lock all the doors. “The locks are pretty flimsy,” he explained. “But having a barrier prevents most people from trying to use our rooms.” Finn pulled out some yellow crime tape and draped it across the stairs.

“Do you really think that tape is going to prevent anyone from going upstairs?” I asked.

“No,” admitted Finn, “but it might deter some, and that’s worthwhile.”

Their video game consoles and laptop computers were all toted out to Finn’s car and placed in his trunk. He and Mal drove away and returned about twenty minutes later in Mal’s sports car.

“What is that car that Mal drives?” I asked as I saw it pull into the driveway next to the kitchen door.

“A McLaren. You like it?” Noah asked, coming up behind me and putting his chin on my head. It was a really gorgeous car. Silver, sexy and low slung. I didn’t really know much about cars. Uncle Louis drove a big Bentley, and Lana had a zippy BMW. I didn’t have a car because I didn’t like to drive. I could count on having Lana or Josh drive me most places I needed to go.

“It’s pretty neat.”

“It also cost more than hundred grand,” Noah said flatly.

“Really?” I guess I knew that there were cars like that but it seemed crazy. “And Mal owns it?”

Noah spun me around. “Yeah. You want a ride?”

I shook my head vigorously. “No. I’d be too afraid I’d accidentally scratch the interior with my finger or something.”

He looked at me, his hands on my upper arms. He started to say something and then stopped and kissed me hard. Thoughts of the car dropped away and all I could think of was how much I didn’t want to party with anyone tonight. Instead, I wanted to go up to Noah’s bedroom and lie down and show him this red teddy, as the saleslady had called it, and see what his response would be.

Instead, Noah stopped kissing me like he had a hundred times before. One of these days, he wouldn’t stop, but instead we would kiss and touch and love each other until the sun rose. Maybe even tonight.

Noah lifted me onto the corner counter in the kitchen. The stove sat just to the right of my legs, but I guess that no one would be cooking tonight. The keg was positioned outside on the patio.

The long sectional sofa that usually sat in front of the fireplace and big screen had been carted upstairs. All that was really left was their ten-foot long table and a multitude of chairs surrounding it. The house looked even more cavernous. Even the flat screen had been removed from above the fireplace.

“Three parties ago, the TV suffered a near-miss,” Finn explained when I asked him about it.

“Do you guys have nicknames for everyone?” I asked after Finn referred to Mal as“ Charles.” Charles was short for Charles in Charge, an old show that featured a manny, I was told. Mal had four younger sisters and had taken care of them since he was 14 until his mother married“ dickhead” last year and Mal finally moved out of the house.

“Yes, and for everything,” came Finn’s no-nonsense reply.

“It’s part of the guy code,” Noah explained, leaning around me to rearrange a tray of freshly poured shots of Patrón. “And since you’ve been privy to some of our secrets, we’re not going to let you leave.”

“Oooh, threats,” I teased.

Noah looked at me with a serious expression. “Nope, not a threat. A promise.”

My laughter kind of died in my throat. I wasn’t sure what he was saying to me. I know what I wanted it to mean. I spoke, but my voice was raspy. “I was just joking.”

“I know,” he replied. “I wasn’t.”

Finn coughed to remind us he was still present. I changed the subject.

“Do you guys charge for the party?”

“No, charging is for douchebags. If you want to host a party, pay for it,” Finn said, throwing a couple chips in his mouth. “Though maybe we shouldn’t have gone for the Patrón this time.”

“These parties get a little wild,” Noah agreed. “Open up,” he said and pushed a Jell-O shot in my mouth when I complied.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?”

“No, but I figured one Jell-O shot early in the night wouldn’t hurt either of us.”

“Our parties are a goddamned debauchery,” Finn added, clapping his hand on Noah’s shoulder.

“Where’s her bracelet?” Finn asked, looking at my bare wrists.

“Don’t have any,” Noah said. “You and Adam went over to campus. I gave mine to Lana.”

“Oh man, I gave them all out at campus. I wasn’t even thinking. I tagged about two dozen hotties. I’m going to be morose when you and Bo graduate. No more college-—”

“Language,” Noah interrupted.

“Ladies,” Finn substituted. “Maybe I’ll have to audit some classes.”

I shook my head. Finn talked a big, dirty game, but I hadn’t seen him with anyone.

He went over to the patio doors and asked Adam whether he had any spares left. Finn turned and shook his head at us. “Negative, buddy.”

“Are you handing out jewelry to coeds? No wonder your parties are so popular,” I said. I pushed lightly against the counter, making a motion to get up. Noah absently pushed me back. He obviously wanted me to stay. He looked down at me, contemplatively, and I quirked an eyebrow up in question.

Then his hands went to his neck and pulled his dog tags off his chest and over his head. He strung the chain over my head. My hand came up to clutch at the metal, warm from his body.

“She’s wearing his dog tags,” Finn yelled back to the patio. Two heads—Adam and Mal’s—poked in the doorway.

I blushed but said, “You guys are worse than sorority sisters having a postmortem after a mixer.”

“Is she calling us pussies?” Mal asked.

“She’s calling you a pussy, jackhole,” Adam said and pushed Mal in the back of the head.

I shook my head. “I take that back. I think you guys haven’t graduated from kindergarten yet.” But I hadn’t removed my hand from the dog tags, and Noah noticed.

***

“We need Grace,” Lana yelled, running over to my corner where I sat, virtually unmoving, since Noah had set me here hours ago. I hadn’t needed to move. One or more of the Woodland boys were always with me, filling my cup and making sure I was entertained. Finn and I engaged in thumb wars. Fortunately, Adam was doing my Jell-O shots when I lost, because I lost a lot. Adam was well on his way to being trashed—if he hadn’t already arrived at his destination.

He had gotten his cast off and was weaving a path from the kitchen to the great room, alternately singing, dancing, and drinking feverishly. I could see why he was in a band. He was a natural performer. His ease with having every eye on him and his charisma that spread like a netting over the room were apparent forty feet away. I could easily envision him on stage in front of a stadium full of screaming fans.

Mal was completely different, more like Noah. They were both quiet and watchful. Finn was the clown, and I wondered, the more time I spent with him, if his funny man routine wasn’t a little too forced. Bo was even joking with me, even if he kept a cautious eye out for Noah. But I liked them all. These five thoughtful, handsome guys who all took turns taking care of me, making sure I was having a good time.

Lana was out of breath when she reached me, as if she had been running a mile rather than the space of a room. “Come on and do the Single Ladies dance with us. We need another body.” Lana had learned a number of dance routines at her camp. Dancing, she was told, was a good way to keep her body in shape in a healthy way. She forced these routines on me after she returned home. I hadn’t the heart to resist her, and frankly they came in handy when we killed at Dance, Dance Revolution, which was about the only video game either of us were adept at. But I didn’t want to dance in front of the crowd here.

I shook my head no. “Oh no, not tonight. I’m tipsy and it’s been forever since I did that routine with you.” I wasn’t tipsy at all. I had stayed carefully sober so that Noah wouldn’t have an excuse to deny me, but that still didn’t mean I wanted to shake my booty in front of this crowd.

Mal was my drinking partner at the moment and looked on with interest. “Routine? Dance? I wanna see.”

I rolled my eyes. “I can describe for you what it will look like. One awkward girl who can barely remember any steps stumbling into nine drunken girls. We’ll be like dominoes.”

“Your description only makes us want to see it more,” Noah said, turning up behind Lana. I could see I wasn’t going to get out of this without making a big scene. A crowd had gathered. I weighed being the party downer or making a fool of myself and decided for the latter. If there is ever a time to make a fool of oneself it’s while everyone is half-baked and unlikely to remember in the morning.

I allowed Lana to pull me down off my perch. I made a face at Mal and Noah. “I expect repayment in the form of sober embarrassment from both of you tomorrow.”

Mal gave me a flimsy salute, and Noah pushed him in the side. But the two followed Lana and me as we approached the great room. Adam was over at the music console, spinning up the song. I almost groaned when it started. Lana took her place in the middle and I attached myself at the end. I didn’t remember the moves very well and found myself turning the wrong way a couple of times. Still, by the chorus, muscle memory had kicked in.

Noah watched from the front row, his dark eyes unwavering. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt sexier in my life. When I shook my hair or dipped low, I kept my eyes trained on his. It felt like we were exchanging secret messages I hadn’t yet figured out how to decode. My thoughts were jumbled, but I gave over and let the music take me and move me. I danced as if Noah and I were the only ones in the room.

When the song was over, there was a big cheer and clamors for more. Out of the side of my eyes, I could see the other girls preening, but Noah was walking purposefully toward me. He grabbed my hand and led me through the crowd to the police-taped stairs. He unhooked the tape from one side, pulled me through and leaned back to reattach it. Then he moved upstairs, pulling me gently but insistently behind him.

Bo appeared at the top of the stairs and gave us a knowing half smile. I flushed with embarrassment and anticipation. Noah’s room was dark and somewhat quiet. The pulsating music from downstairs, was deadened a bit by the space and the walls of the bedrooms. He paused and looked down at me. “You okay?”

I was okay, and I was ready.

Noah

I walked her into the room. Shutting the door behind us, I locked it and stuck my desk chair underneath it. I didn’t want any drunken fools to interrupt us. The room was dark. I had drawn the blinds earlier and, with the door to the hallway closed it was hard to even make out the bed.