On Saturday morning, I look up my horoscope for the weekend.

Dear Cappie,

The stars are aligning for you! If you’ve had your hopes on a certain someone, this week might be the time you two can take the relationship to the next level. Just be patient, as they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day…

I’m not sure how I feel about this. It says nothing about what happens if you jump recklessly into a forbidden romance.

No, I am totally not the Cappie that horoscope is talking about. But once Becka told me your sun sign is not the only clue as to the weather around you. She had used a handy little internet tool to find out my ascendant, based on the hour you were born. So I read Pisces next.

Dear Pisces,

Boy you must be thrilled the square alignment has eased some this month, and with Mars back in good form after its retrograde in your house of travel, you should be ready for business and pleasure, both! Keep your eye on your goals and don’t forget to have a little fun this August while Venus travels your fifth house of love and creativity.

“I do enjoy reading these suckers, though I never pay attention to any negative things they have to say. I only run with the good ones. This time though, it’s way off.” I sigh.

“Read mine. Wait, you read it first before telling me what it says. Shit, don’t tell me if it’s bad.”

“What’s your sign?”

“Taurus. Ruled by Venus, I apparently like very beautiful and expensive things.” Sara smirks while taking a peek. “What does it say?”

“Don’t peek and don’t talk, I can’t concentrate reading with noise around!” I start reading hers.

Dear Taurus,

After the recent mercury retrograde in your sister sign Virgo during the month of July, you’re back in full form and able to work off the kinks in your communications. Now is the time to iron out the details of that professional plan you’ve been holding in the back burner, and if a relationship has felt the rough and tumble of the stars, remember the universe always helps us with course corrections to fix what’s broken, or learn to let go.

“What does it say?”

“Dear Taurus,” I begin. “If you still love him, go for it. Don’t wait for my astrologer permission, don’t wait for me to give you a safety net, just do it!”

“What?” She starts reading and says, “Bryn, you are a lousy astrologer. You’d die poor.”

I can’t seem to fully stop a giggle as I set it aside. “No, really. You’re hooked on him, Sara. I do think you need to find him. Why wait? You can be waiting forever. Why do we give our power away?” I frown. “I mean, we’re bombarded by all these marketers telling us what to think, how to feel about ourselves, we wait to see what others think about our clothes to determine if we really like them. We wait for an astrologer to tell us the coast is clear to do something we’ve been wanting to do. It’s wrong.”

I chew my nail. My mind wanders back to Christos and I wonder why I had the balls to give Sara this advice when I don’t have any balls of my own, apparently.

I also remember touching Christos’s balls and how much I wanted to go down on him. A pang of unwelcome little feelings strike and I’m not really sure if I’ll be able to push them away, but I try to, especially considering I was talking to Sara about her love life. Not mine.

“Let’s do something we really want to do. Let’s finally do something for ourselves, take our own advice.”

“Okay then.” She makes a phone call. “Hi, I’d like to see if you can do me a favor and check back on the guest list for last year. I need the name of someone.” Her eyes spark up as if the answer delights her. “Really? You’d do that for me? Thank you!” She hangs up. “He’s helping me find him. Your turn.”

“Did you really call?” I ask, doubting that she did.

“Do you want to call back to verify? Come on. Your turn. Go after him, Bryn.”

I bite down on my lip for a moment, then I grab my phone and decide that I don’t want to keep wondering what if anymore. Not when there’s something I can do about it.

So I’ve been thinking about it.

And I’ve decided this is healthy, this is the best scenario possible, neither of us expects more.

So please tell Christos that it’s yes.

Tell Bit for me

I do want more

And she won’t regret it.

But let’s keep it low key please. I don’t want anyone at Christos and Co or your brother to know

I don’t report to my employees or my brother, but I understand your concern. I’ll be discreet as long as you want to keep a lid on it.

I read the message, relieved, when suddenly a new one pops up.

What are you wearing now?

I tingle.

Panties and a T-shirt.

What color panties?

Soft lilac.

Soft lilac. What material are they?

They’re silky. A little sheer.

And under the T-shirt?

Nothing.

What color T-shirt?

I close my eyes.

I just took it off.

Butterflies in my stomach as I read his reply.

Take off the rest.

Put on one of your little dresses

And meet me downstairs in 20 minutes.

I reach for my panties. Bryn, what the hell are you doing?

Honestly, something has just clicked in my mind. The fact that I no longer care. I want him—desperately. And for a long time, Christos has wanted me. I don’t want to deny myself his presence, his laughter, his touch. Fuck what the cosmos says, or if it’s written in the stars, or if its doomed, or if it’s right or not. Life goes by in a blink, and I don’t want to blink one second and once again, find him gone.