I grow wary at how he seems to know there’s an emotional distance. Though, considering he saw us back when we were so in love that it was sickening, I suppose that could be easily purported as emotional distance.

“We’re in a new phase of our relationship. It’s an adjustment period,” I state vaguely.

I get a sad nod that I really don’t think should be all that sad. Adjustment periods are normal.

“But why do I need to trust you for this?” I ask him, frowning.

“Because I need to trust you won’t recycle me when it hurts,” he states like it’s obvious.

“Why does it hurt?” I ask, dubious.

He gives a lazy gesture around us. “Because it’s hell. Everything hurts.”

Right. Should have guessed that one on my own.

“I felt you years ago, but was convinced it was wrong. You felt…different…but so similar. I thought I really might be imagining things,” he continues. “Which is why I want to check it.”

“Well, earn that trust so I don’t recycle you, and then we’ll talk,” I state facetiously, glancing around.

He’s grinning when my eyes come back to his. “So who was first this time? Just curious.”

“That’s a completely inappropriate, personal question, and I’m so glad you asked,” I say, a little giddy as I sit up straighter, causing his smile to broaden. “I think it was Gage.”

His smile falls as an incredulous look forms on his face. “You think it was Gage?”

“Well, they didn’t want me to know who was first so that I didn’t have a favorite. But I always have favorites that change based on the moment—you know. They’re just being ridiculous.”

He sits back, still seeming oddly confused.

“They blindfolded me. The only one I saw was Kai, and that’s because he was last,” I explain.

“I’m just surprised you allowed that,” is what he finally says as he sits back, perplexed.

“Why? Am I supposed to be a control freak?”

“You’re supposed to be too selfish to allow something like that, even with a selfless counter reasoning, because that completely changes the dynamic of your group,” he says seriously, leaning forward like who-went-first is a huge deal.

“Well, how did we do it last time? I chose who went first?”

He’s quick to nod.

“You sent them to their own separate rooms, and you visited them one-by-one. You told them all they were first. They all believed it, and swore to keep that information sacred, so that they always secretly felt like your favorite, no matter who the current favorite was,” he explains.

I find myself inching closer.

“Who really went first?” I ask like it’s a bad habit already.

“I have no idea,” he says with a shrug. “You never told anyone but me what you did, but you never even trusted me with the secret of who went first. You simply said it didn’t matter, because you drew the names at random. But you see how this changes the group dynamic exponentially, don’t you?”

“Yes, of course,” I say while batting a hand like it’s no big deal. When he continues to stare at me expectantly, I sigh. “Fine. No clue. How did it change?”

With a flick of his wrist, a string of rope starts snaking across the ground, moving toward us.

With wary interest, I keep my eyes trained on it as it starts lifting into the air, circling until the circle is complete from end to end.

Then the rope does something weird, fraying and spinning out one section of its braid, forming four straight lines that move to the center of a circle. With some amazement, I watch as it spins what looks like a female rope-figure in the center of the circle.

Four ropes tie to the figure’s arms and legs, and the figure pulls that rope, bringing the circle tighter.

“You controlled the dynamic last time. You pulled, and they went with you so willingly and effortlessly,” he says.

Suddenly the circle starts widening, and the figure’s arms and legs start being stretched as it tries to go in four directions with the circle, straining not to break.

“They have the power in this dynamic, and they’re pulling you along with them. It’s a huge concession on your part, because you held all the power.”

I’m not really sure what to say about that.

“So…do you think it was Gage or not?” I ask instead. “You know the old them enough to help me out, surely.”

He just blinks at me.

“This is serious. The Four Horsemen have more power in your relationship than you, The Apocalypse.”

“Yeah. I heard you. I already know that, and I’m okay with working my way toward being an even member, though it can be frustrating at times. Don’t tell them that, though. I want admiration, not pity. However, right now, I’m just trying to figure out who my first was.”

He sighs heavily, even though I see him struggling not to grin.

“No clue. The men I knew would have battled to be your first and not taken a vote on the matter. While you’re all the same in a great many respects, you’re also completely different.”

I’m not sure how long I’ve been gone, so I stand, nodding, at least feeling better about talking this through aloud.

“Thanks for the pep talk. Tell Lucifer I won’t be showing my face at the party tonight, because I stabbed him through the stomach and won.”

He blinks, seeming visibly stunned by the abrupt shift. I feel like I get an award for not being the predictable old Paca that everyone but me remembers.

He opens his mouth to speak, finally recovering, when I add, “A deal’s a deal.”

Going Ghost Girl, I zap myself back to the guys, appearing just in front of Kai as he steps into my bedroom.

“Where have you been?” he asks with a frown.

Terrible at deception and all that, I decide to grab him by his shirt with one hand, drag him down by his neck with the other, and kiss him until he forgets he asked a question.

Just when he groans into my mouth and grabs a double handful of ass, I pat his chest and break the kiss, whispering across his lips, “You’re still not my favorite.”

I grin when he curses and falls through my phantom form.

My next favorite will be whoever tells me what the real plan of the night is.

“Fucking tease,” he calls to my back, question forgotten.

Chapter 5

We’ve been waiting for whoever is coming to pick us up for hours now. It’s encroaching midnight at this point.

Gage is ‘resting’ his eyes with his head in my lap as I read.

I’ve decided that if it’s not the Devil, it has to be one of my evil siblings. More specifically, Lilith. She’s the eldest—manifested only hours before Cain. After all, her deadly sin is envy. Just like Lamar was saying.

However, mine is wrath and I don’t want to go around killing people or making them kill each other like it’s a compulsory disorder or anything.

What if I influenced someone to take wrath out on me?

My conspiracy theories are turning into threads of more conspiracy theories, backed up with rumors from other thin conspiracies.

I need a drink.

Or an orgasm.

Or both.

Absently, I run my fingers through Gage’s soft, light brown hair that is dusted with traces of blond. I didn’t realize how very peculiar and interesting his hair was back before I was allowed to touch it.

It makes me wonder if what Lamar said about designing them to my specifications had any merit.

This is all rather frustrating. I hate not having the answer to the worst riddle.

Who killed the Four Horsemen and The Apocalypse if not the Devil?

I never wrote much about the other, less hellfire place that I’m scared to mention, since I’m sort of evil and worry that I’m not allowed to say its name. Was it someone from that side who had the power to strike me down?

“No. That would have to disrupt a balance,” I whisper to myself as Gage stirs ever so slightly in my lap before releasing a heavy sigh.

Still, seems prudent to consider such a possibility, since rationally it would be our most obvious enemy. Have to say, I don’t know how I feel about being the bad girl who was killed by one of the good guys. Sort of makes me feel like I have no right to complain, since I could be the end of all civilization.

But it also really makes me stabby.

Two hands move to my shoulders, and I almost drop the book when they begin massaging me, loosening the muscles that have apparently grown tense during my long reading session.

“This is possibly the quietest I’ve heard you be since you woke up from your faint that first night,” Jude says smoothly from behind me, working away the last of the tension that has gathered in my shoulders.

“I’ve spent longer actively ignoring all of you before,” I murmur absently.

My head lulls back as I soak in his touch. I haven’t really gotten to enjoy it as much as the others, since he only recently came around. I decide not to mention I was very quiet for the month I spent dead and buried.

They seem to be sensitive to dead girl jokes so soon.

My eyelids lift, which surprises me because I don’t remember them closing, and I stare up at Jude as he stares down at me.

“I’m trying to learn who else may have had cause to get rid of us, and working through the scenarios of why and how we died to go along with each new theory. Lilith is one of the top contenders,” I explain.