“We’re equal, Ash. Where would I be without you? Broke? In prison? Dead, maybe? I wrote some songs. Big deal. You’ve bailed me out of a mess a hundred times. You don’t owe me anything.”

“I know I don’t. I helped you because you needed it and you deserved it. People fall, we pick them up, right?”

“Right.” I finish my soda, still feeling sick. I don’t think Asher will understand my fall for his daughter.

By the time we’re done with lunch, I still haven’t told him about kissing her and I know I’m not going to because he’ll fucking despise me and I’ll never see him or Kenzi again. He’ll never forgive me or believe it was just a random fucked up heat-of-the-moment thing. Maybe I’m a coward or just a bigger selfish asshole than I ever thought I was, but I don’t think I can deal with losing them. The void that would leave in my life would be huge.

So I don’t tell him, and instead I promise myself that I’ll never give in to a moment of weakness or insanity around Kenzi again.

Ever.

I’ll learn to destroy the monster myself.

11

Kenzi

My love,

I wished for you a thousand times,

and finally, you’re mine.

Kenzi

The past two weeks have felt like an eternity. Longer than an eternity, if that’s even possible. I Googled ‘what is longer than eternity’ out of curiosity and boredom, but it came up inconclusive, with the only real answer being ‘eternity means lasting forever’. I liked how that sounded word-wise but not time-wise in relation to the unsettled feelings I was experiencing.

I spent the days and nights in bed, recovering from the torture known as oral surgery and then getting a cold. My father, my Grandmother, and Chloe each took turns visiting me and bringing me soft food. My grandmother dropped off a bag of new romance paperbacks to keep me busy—some her own books, others by her favorite authors. Buried under my cuddliest comforter, I spent those two weeks napping, reading, and thinking about Tor. And missing Tor more than I should. We texted a few times when he said he hoped I felt better soon and told me he adopted the dog. I replied back that I wanted to come see the dog, to which he replied ‘anytime’. And that was it. At first I thought it was best for us to just ignore the fact that we kissed, go about our lives as if it never happened, and accept that it was an accident of sorts.

But then I dreamt of him. I’m not sure if it was the pain killers from the surgery making me crazy, the cold meds making me loopy, or if reading erotica romance books every night had my imagination in overdrive, but whatever the reason, this was a dream like no other. It was one of those super special dreams that feel so incredibly real that when you wake you’re not quite sure if it was a dream or if it actually did happen. And then you want to try to fall asleep really fast again and somehow find your way back into that dream, and live in it. Make it real. He kissed me in the dream like he did that day on the side of the road, rough and demanding, overpowering all of my senses. Only in the dream-kiss, he didn’t stop there. His lips moved down to my throat, and his hands gripped my waist, pulling my body against his. And in the dream I wasn’t afraid to touch him. I wrapped my arms around him and let my hands roam all over those beautiful muscles he has, and every inch of me that his lips touched burned and tingled and begged for more. And now, I do want more. I want that dream to not be a dream at all.

“What are you doing?”

His voice startles me out of my daydream and I realize I’m staring at myself in my bathroom mirror with my toothbrush hanging out of my mouth, blue foamy gel all over my lips. I quickly rinse my mouth and wipe it with a washcloth.

“Dad…I was just getting ready to leave.” Jesus. I can feel heat rising to my face, and I’m sure I’m blushing.

His eyes narrow at me like he does when he’s trying to read me, his hand reaching out to touch my forehead. “You look weird. Are you still feeling sick?”

Yes. I’m sick. I can’t stop thinking about Toren and his lips and his hands and his muscles and his voice and his-

“Kenzi?”

I shake my muddled head and force a smile at him before putting a quick coat of lip gloss on.

“I’m fine, I was just thinking.”

“You looked like you were on another planet.”

“I’m just excited to finally drive my new car today!” I do a little happy hop and give him a hug. “Thank you so much for getting it for me.”