“I mean I don’t want to get physically involved unless I’m mentally involved. I’m not lookin’ to just get laid, Lisa. I pretty much spent twelve years of my life on someone who couldn’t commit to me one hundred percent physically or mentally, and I’m not doing that shit again. She only came around when she wanted me to fuck her silly or she needed something from me. You want to be friends and see where it goes? Then I’m down for that. But I’m not getting my dick or my heart involved until I feel like it’s gonna go someplace worthwhile for both of us, in every way.”

I’m met with a glazed, unblinking brown-eyed stare. “You’re serious?”

“Do I look like I’m fucking joking?”

“No, not at all,” she shakes her head slowly back and forth, studying my face. “I’m just a little shocked. I mean, come on, Tor. You don’t exactly look like the kind of guy that would abstain by your own choice. You practically ooze sex.”

“I know,” I smirk, half joking. I’m not clueless as to how women look at me.

“Well, I’m not going to lie, I’m surprised but also impressed. I didn’t think men like you actually existed,” a seductive smile crosses her lips. “But it does make you even more intriguing and more of a catch.”

A vision of me in a lake with a fish hook in my mouth comes to mind and it’s not how I want to be thought of.

“I don’t want to be a catch. I just want to be with someone for the right reasons. And I want them to be with me for the right reasons, too. I can’t deal with bullshit or games or people that don’t know what they want, or can’t commit to it when they do know.”

Her expression softens. “I wasn’t expecting such a serious conversation tonight. This is the most you’ve ever talked about yourself. But since we’re being honest…I’m not into games, either. I guess now is the time for me to tell you I’m separated.”

Her admission comes out of left field and causes me to take a short involuntary step back.

“You’re married?”

“Separated for about a year. The divorce is almost final. It’s totally over between us – no lingering feelings at all.” I wonder how can two people be married and not have any feelings left?

“What happened?” I know I’m picky, but I always pictured myself marrying someone who wasn’t already someone’s ex-wife.

She shrugs and stares off someplace behind me. “We grew apart. We got bored. We stopped wanting it. It just wasn’t meant to be.”

So much for ‘til death do us fucking part.

“Okay. I’m glad you told me. I had no idea.”

“Do you think there’s any possibility of us going further? Or am I wasting my time? I don’t mind being friends and taking things slow, but I definitely want more than that. I’m not sure I can date you and not get physically or mentally interested.”

Who am I to judge what’s a waste of someone else’s time? If we don’t end up screwing or in love, does that constitute a waste? In some ways yes, in some ways no.

“I don’t really know. You’ve already made comments about me being too quiet and cold, and I know you don’t agree with all the things I do. I guess you have to ask yourself if you really do want more. And yeah, I ask myself does this chick like me for me, or because I ooze sex, as you put it?”

“I guess it’s a little of both. But in my defense, you’re a hard guy to get to know, Tor.”

I can’t argue with that. “True enough. But I’m trying.”

“I can see that you are,” she takes a deep breath. “So now that we’ve talked about all that, can we see each other again? Now that I understand you more?”

“We can. Just as long as we’re clear there’s no promises.”

“That’s fine. I don’t need promises. But if you get…lonely…I wouldn’t say no,” she hints, raising her perfect eyebrow up at me.

Lisa just lost a point.

“I surpassed lonely a long time ago, honey. But thanks.”

Her cheeks turn crimson. “On that note, I’m going to go inside. But I’d really like to see you again.”

“I’ll call you.” I give her a quick kiss before she unlocks her door and disappears into her house.

Maybe I’m stupid, looking for something I’ll never find, and I should’ve continued this date like a normal guy would have instead of going back home to my empty house and empty bed alone. I just want that magical feeling I wrote about years ago when I used to write the lyrics for the band’s rock ballads. I want crazy fucking love. I want someone that’ll never let me go. I want to wake up to my best friend every day.