“God. You make it sound like it’s terrible. Why can’t you just enjoy yourself? Just let it happen and get it over with. I figured this was the best way to do it, like pushing you into the deep end of the pool.”

“I didn’t want my first time to be with some guy who’s drunk and high.”

She rolls her eyes. “I’m pretty sure it’s like that for ninety percent of the population, Kenzi. You’ve been reading too many books. Trust me, your first time is not going to be some epic earth-shattering experience. Drink a little first, or smoke a joint. It’ll be easier if you’re loosened up.” She giggles at her own words. “Loose in several ways!” she laughs.

I shake my head and look away from her to watch a couple whose names I can’t remember dance in the center of the dim dance floor. She’s smiling up at him, and him down at her, their arms wrapped tightly around each other. They look happy and in love. That’s what I want.

“I think I’ll pass on being loose,” I say.

When my parents used to bring me on tour with them, I was around drunk and stoned people all the time, and those memories have snuffed out any interest for me to ever drink or do drugs, for any reason. I like to be in control of how I’m acting and the decisions I’m making.

Another half hour goes by before the guys finally show up, their eyes bloodshot, both of them laughing at nothing remotely funny.

“You ladies ready to get out of here?” Brendan asks, pulling Chloe out of her chair.

“We thought you’d never ask,” she replies, winding herself around him.

“Sorry I missed the dinner, babe,” Jason says, putting his around me as we walk out of the hotel. I’m not sure when I became ‘babe’. “And I’m a pretty sucky dancer, anyway,” he adds.

“It’s okay. The food wasn’t that great, so you didn’t miss much.”

His arm tightens around my waist, and he leans into my neck, his breath reeking of alcohol. “I’ll make it up to you at the hotel.”

Nerves turn my stomach as we climb into the back of the limo. I’m grateful the driver is not one of my father’s usuals. Initially, my dad wanted to pay for the limo and have one of his drivers take us, but Jason and Brendan insisted on paying, and now I know why. Chloe must have told them that they had to get the limo out of my father’s control to make sure that word didn’t get back to him that we ended up in a hotel for the night. I’m annoyed at Chloe’s orchestration to ensure she tricked me into spending the night with Jason, even though I know her intentions are for me to have fun. I don’t like being manipulated.

The boys resume drinking once we hit the road, and Chloe joins them. I decline when Jason offers the bottle to me. Smiling, he pulls me against his chest. “You don’t have to be a good girl all the time, Kenzi.” He whispers, his lips against my ear.

I know I don’t have to be, but I want to be. Why is being good considered bad? Just a few hours ago half my family stood in my living room, proud of me and happy for me, telling me how beautiful I looked, and how handsome Jason was. They thought they were sending me off to experience one of the happiest nights of my teen life. I feel ashamed that now I’m on my way to a hotel, about to lose my virginity to a drunk guy who probably won’t even remember me by the end of the summer. My mother would be incredibly disappointed.

I feel sick and trapped, and not excited in any way about what’s to come.

When we reach the hotel, Jason and Brendan go to the office to check us in while Chloe and I wait outside. I watch the limo pull away, wishing I had asked the driver to take me home. Now my ride is gone, and I have no way to get home until tomorrow.

“I feel kinda sick,” Chloe says, grabbing onto my arm.

“Are you okay?” Under the parking lot lights, she looks like a mess. The makeup she paid someone a hundred dollars earlier today to apply is smeared, and her perfect updo is now very much down. The bodice of her black dress is stretched from Brendan’s groping. I want to drag my best friend out of here, take her home, and scrub her face.

“I think I’m gonna be si-” she turns towards the bushes and vomits.

Ugh.

The guys join us a few minutes later and laugh at Chloe, who’s bent over in the bushes, but immediately vaults herself into Brendan’s arms when she’s done. I have an immense urge to shove a piece of minty gum into her mouth as they lean into each other for a kiss.