“The lyrics are pretty deep. It seems like you liked her a lot.”

“I did. She was pretty, and sweet, and she could sing. I had a hard time meeting girls I connected with. But I was no match for your dad. Even though we look alike, it stops there. I don’t have his irresistible charm.”

“That’s not true. You’re just different.”

“Trust me, I know,” he says, his voice laced with bitterness.

I sit up and reach for my clothes, feeling very displaced suddenly. “So what about all the years you lived with us? You were with her all the time. Didn’t it bother you?”

“A little at first, I guess, but I was happy for them. They were both my best friends.”

I stare at him as more memories flood my mind. “I remember when I was little there were times you would sleep on the bed with her. What about that?” I never saw them touch, but it does seem odd to me now, that they would lay on a bed together.

“She used to get really bad migraines from being on the pill. If your dad wasn’t home, she’d ask me to lay on the bed next to her when she felt sick. She hated to be alone. Your dad knew about it. Shit, I’ve slept in the same bed with him, too, Kenzi. You know how close we all were. We did everything together.”

“Did anything ever…happen?” I can barely even get the words out.

“No,” he shakes his head back and forth and reaches for my hand. “Never. I would never do that, I loved them both.”

“But you were jealous that he got her?”

“In the beginning, yeah. It bothered me. He could have had anyone and he took away the one girl I liked like it was nothing.”

I pull my hand away from his and rub my arms. “This is making me feel sick.”

His mouth falls into a worried frown. “Why? Kenzi, nothing ever happened. We were just kids. And then you came along and everything kinda just fell into place.” The look of anguish on his face is tearing my heart apart, but I feel betrayed that he’s never told about this. We’ve talked about everything over the years, but never this.

“What do you mean, fell into place?”

“I don’t know. The moment I looked into your eyes, everything felt different to me. I felt like I finally had a purpose. To take care of you. You changed my entire life, Kenzi, and you’ve continued to do so. Being around you always made me feel at peace. I don’t know how else to explain it,” He lays his hand on my leg as he struggles with trying to explain himself, his brow creasing. “But it’s always been there. It’s just gotten stronger as the years have gone by. Maybe I’m fucked up but I’ve kinda started to think of it as fate that brought us together, that it all happened for a reason and we ended up exactly where we’re supposed to be.”

Yes. That’s exactly how it’s always felt.

I smile in agreement. “I’ve always felt that way, too. Like you were mine. I just feel a little betrayed that you never told me you had feelings for my mom. Why would you never tell me about that?”

“I just didn’t think it was important. We were fifteen.” He repeats.

“Am I like some kind of replacement for her? In your mind?”

His face contorts as if I’ve slapped him. “Fuck no. How can you even say that to me? What the hell, Kenzi. Do you not know me at all?”

Tears form in my eyes and I’m not even sure why this has hit me so hard. I feel jealous and somewhat shocked. I reach for my jeans on the floor and pull them on, zipping them up.

“What about the hospital after the accident?” I ask. “You were there a lot. I saw you holding her hand all the time.”

“Jesus Christ, Kenzi. She was one of my best friends. Why are you acting like this? Are you jealous?”

“Yes. Okay? I do feel jealous and I don’t understand why you never told me about this. I’m worried maybe you’ve had feelings for her this entire time or something.”

“That’s insane. I never told you because it happened a million years ago. Nothing ever happened, I never even kissed her.”

“It’s more the feelings you had for her that bother me. The song, the lyrics-”

He puts his hand up. “That’s a fucking song, Kenzi. With elaborations to make it better. I haven’t been pining for Ember for years if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“I don’t know what to think. First Sydni is on your bed kissing you and now I find this out. It’s a lot, to me. Like ghosts are all around us.”

“This is what I mean. I’m an adult, Kenzi. I have a past, and yes, that past includes a few women. I’m sorry that you don’t have a past with men, but if you did, you’d understand what I’m talking about. That shit is over and done. You know damn well that Sydni has crept back over the years, but I ended things with her permanently.”