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“Thanks. That might be good for her. Her friend Chloe is kind of spastic so neither one of us really trust her to not accidentally slip up if she knew.” She walks with me to her door. “And don’t leave that much cash laying around in the open anymore.” I advise, still worried about that pile of money she’s got. I’ve seen people get stabbed for less money than that.

“Don’t worry, I’m taking it to the bank later.”

“Good. I’ll talk to you soon.”

26

Kenzi

Kenzi ~ age two

Tor ~ age seventeen

Kenzi loves the park. sometimes on the weekends when Ash and Ember want to get some alone time, I grab one of the dogs from my mom’s shelter and I take them both to the park to get some air and exercise.

The autumn air is crisp as we walk through the park, and Kenzi and the dog are both enjoying kicking up the leaves and hearing them crunch under their feet. A pretty girl around my age with short blonde hair is walking towards us with a small dog along the path that winds around the lake. As we approach each other, her dog starts to get all excited and runs to us, dragging the girl with her on a long leash.

Laughing, I kneel down to pet the tan wiggling dog.

“I’m sorry,” she says breathlessly. “She gets excited to see people and other dogs.”

“That’s okay, at least she’s friendly.”

“Your dog is much calmer. I think mine might need to go back to puppy class.”

“He’s not mine. He’s a rescue from the shelter, and he’s about ten years old. I volunteer there so I take one out every weekend to get some exercise.”

She smiles at me. “That’s really sweet of you to do. I just moved nearby, so I’ll be here a lot on the weekends, too. Maybe I’ll see you again sometime.”

Kenzi giggles as the little dog moves to her next and starts licking her face.

“She’s adorable,” the blonde girl says. “Is she yours?”

Standing, I take Kenzi’s hand. “Yeah, she is.”

Kenzi

I’ve lost five pounds since Friday. Today is Monday. I don’t weigh myself often, but Friday morning the digital scale in my bathroom was beeping, so I weighed myself just to make sure it was working after I put new batteries in it. And this morning I stepped on it again because I haven’t been able to eat and was just curious. I wasn’t expecting to see five pounds gone.

Ever since Tor and I slept together, I’ve been frazzled. Almost manic. My stomach feels like I’m stuck in an elevator that keeps going up and down randomly throughout the day and night. My heart suddenly palpitates and a wave of dizziness follows. Yesterday I sat at my desk to work on a request I received from a local poet who wants all her poems written in calligraphy to be framed for her office, and all I could do was draw pretty, ornate hearts of various sizes. And Tor’s name.

Thankfully, the poet isn’t in a rush. And thankfully, I have a lot of paper and ink, since I wasted a lot with my daydream-induced swoony scribbling.

Sleeping is now reduced to two hour increments, where I wake with a jolt several times throughout the night, covered in sweat, heart racing, my sex quivering and damp, and I’ll reach for my cell phone and re-read all the text messages he’s sent me recently.

I am hopelessly in love with Toren Grace.

Now that we’ve stepped over the line, I’m consumed with thinking about him, and us, and the past, and the present, and the future, and everything. So much everything. My emotions go from being excited and happy to nervous and scared with almost no in-between.

He said we should think, and that’s all I’ve been doing. Thinking, thinking, and even more thinking. And worrying. What if he decides that this can’t happen? That we can’t happen? What if he decides it’s too much stress? Or that I’m just too young? What if he can’t face my father with the truth? What if my father has a major melt down?

I realized this morning that I’ve worried so much about what his decision will be, and the mental torment that he’s going through, that I haven’t really thought much about myself. This isn’t just about Tor dating a younger woman, and him dealing with the possible wrath of his best friend. This is also about me dating a much older man, and causing anguish to my father and to my family.

Can I endure that?

With Tor’s love and support…yes. I believe I can.

Blue reusable grocery bags are all over Toren’s kitchen, and Kitten has taken up residency in an empty one that has fallen onto the floor. I may have bought too much food. I’m not sure why I feel like baking a yummy apple pie and broiling up a filet mignon for him, but I do. I’m on a mission. Perhaps sex and love changes what you want to give a person. Or at least put in their mouths.