“Oh shit, Holly. You sound like you’re in love with him…are you?”

His question rocks me. Am I? I know I can’t wait to see him every day, and he makes me happier than I’ve ever felt, and I want to make him just as happy, if not more. I love it when he holds me and kisses me, and I’m seriously worried about possibly moving to New York and wondering how I’m going to cope with missing him so much.

“I don’t know, Zac. I’m just trying to figure out who I am, and where I belong, and what I want. But I do know that, no matter what, I want him to be a part of it. I don’t know how to label how I feel.”

“I understand all that, but wouldn’t it be better for you to be with someone who doesn’t remind you of your past?”

“Tyler doesn’t remind me of my past. He’s helping me learn to deal with it. He makes me feel better.”

“And how can he do that when he’s not dealing with his own past? He won’t even go out in public.”

“I know that…but I think that will change in time. He’s getting better, just like I am. We’re helping each other.”

Zac leans against the car. “I was hoping you’d have a fresh start in New York. What are you going to do about him?”

“I’m not sure yet. We can visit each other, right? He could come see me?”

“Well, yeah, but is he going to do that? I don’t want to sound like Mom…but I really don’t like the idea of you driving all the way here from New York to see him.”

“I have no idea. We haven’t really talked about it. I don’t know how to think that far ahead.”

His head hangs down as he absorbs all this; then he slowly looks up. “Okay. It’s your life,” he finally says. “No matter what, I’m here for you. And so is Anna. Just be careful. I think you’re too young and fragile to get into any kind of commitment right now, especially with him. He’s older; he’s got a lot of issues… I don’t want you to end up with a broken heart.”

I text Tyler from the end of my street after I leave my parents’ house.

Holly: Can I come over to see Poppy?

Tyler: Of course. He was just telling me he misses you

Holly: Tell him I miss him too

Tyler and the fuzzy duo are all sitting on the front steps when I pull into the dirt driveway, and it makes my heart clench. This feels like home. This is where I want home to be.

He approaches the car as I’m getting out, and my heart jumps. I can’t tell him, but he looks incredibly cute today. He’s wearing a black baseball cap backwards and a black T-shirt over a white thermal shirt with the sleeves pushed up, and I can’t help but notice the taut muscles of his arms. His usual faded jeans hug his body perfectly and today, instead of black motorcycle boots, he’s wearing white sneakers. Ever since we’ve started kissing, my body has reacted differently to his, getting warm and tingly when he’s near, my heart racing every time I think about him.

“Your first day of independence and you came here?” he teases.

“This is my favorite place to be.”

He smiles and reaches for my hand, which has become a natural gesture of affection for us, and we walk to the edge of his yard to sit on the stone bench together, surrounded by flowers that have smiling faces that I love so much. Pansies, he called them, the first time I saw them here in his yard, and he plucked one and tucked it behind my ear. It’s now hidden away with the cards he’s given me, my own little smile from him, saved forever in the form of a flower.

“How was your first drive by yourself?”

“Very freeing.”

“Good,” he says. “That’s what you need.”

“You look different today,” I say shyly. “I like it.”

He winks at me, and my heart melts. He’s been different since the kissing started too, smiling more and saying sweet things to me. His attitude has diminished a lot since the first time I saw him, and his speech has improved. I hope I’ve had some part in that.

“I had a sort-of fight with my mom,” I tell him.

“About?”

“The car. Zac was there, and he told her he helped me buy it.”

“Your brother’s a good guy.”

“Yeah. He is. But he followed me outside when I left and made me tell him where I really got it, so I had to tell him the truth.”

“And? How did he feel about it?”

I shrug. “He’s worried about me. He thinks I’m too young to get into a relationship, especially with you. He’s afraid you’re a reminder of my past.”