My hands shake, and my palms dampen. I’m not ready for this. I’m not sure I want to be known better by John. Or anyone. And I don’t want to get out anymore. My smile is shaky and awkward. “I think I’d like to think about it. If that’s okay?”

“Sure it is.” He reaches behind him, pulls out his wallet, and takes a business card out of it. “Here’s my card. You can call or text my cell any time if you’d like to talk or go out. No strings or expectations, I promise.”

I take the card from him and slide it into my small purse, having no plans of adding him to my cell phone. I don’t want his number on my phone next to Ty’s. That feels wrong to me.

After Zac drops John off at his apartment, I breathe a sigh of relief and open the window a few inches to let some air into the car. I feel so suffocated I want to hang my head out the window like a dog.

“Holly…” Zac says, looking at me in the rearview mirror. “Don’t be scared. John’s a really good guy. I trust him with my life. He thinks you’re sweet.”

I gulp.

“Who’s my sweet little girl?”

“He really is a nice guy,” Anna adds. “A real gentleman. And so handsome. I think he would be good for you to spend time with. Take it slow, one day at a time. He’s very understanding. Who knows what could happen.”

John might be nice, but his eyes are hazel, not blue.

And he doesn’t wear soft faded jeans with holes at the knees with frayed edges.

And he doesn’t have pictures in his skin, a storybook for me to someday read.

And he doesn’t make my heart flutter.

He probably doesn’t even own a soft blanket.

He’s not prince material, and he never will be.

Everyone knows there can only be one prince, and I’ve already found mine.

18

Tyler

.

Tyler: Hey. :-) You forget my picture, sugar?

A few minutes pass while I wait for her to reply, and I debate getting out of bed to go outside for a smoke to chill my nerves.

Holly: I couldn’t do it. It was a really nice place, and I didn’t see anyone else taking pictures of their food.

Tyler: That’s okay. I was just teasing you. Did you have a nice time?

Holly: I guess so.

I frown at the phone, sensing a change.

Tyler: Everything okay?

Holly: It was uncomfortable. My brother and his girlfriend are having a baby. I’m excited about that.

Tyler: That’s good news.

Holly: It is. I’ve never been around a baby.

Tyler: I’m sure you’ll love it. Is that what made you uncomfortable?

Holly: No. My brother’s friend wants to know me better. He wants to talk or go out. He gave me his card of phone numbers.

My jaw clenches. I saw this coming a mile away. I remember Zac Daniels and John Parker. I went to high school with them. They were both jocks, just like me. And they’re both nice guys, not assholes. If Holly were my sister, I’d be trying to set her up with a nice guy too, because that’s the kind of guy she needs. Someone with a career and a future who can give her stability, maybe even a family. Not someone living in dysfunction junction like me.

Tyler: It’s good for you to have more friends.

Holly: I have you and Feather and Anna and Poppy.

I can’t help myself, so…

Tyler: Do you like him?

There’s another long pause, and the screen taunts me, my question just hanging there, and the more I stare at it, the more desperate and immature it makes me feel. Do you like him? What the fuck am I, fourteen again? Of course she likes him. He didn’t get beat with the ugly stick.

Holly: He reminds me of the bad man. They dress the same. They have the same hair.

My heart sinks for her and rallies for me. It’s hard to run from bad memories. I try to say the right thing, because it’s the right thing to do, as the friend that I am. And above all else, I want Holly to be safe and cared about.

Tyler: Give it time. Not everyone’s the same, even if they look like they might be. We both know looks are deceiving.

Look at me, being nice. It’s almost sickening.

Holly: Can I see Poppy tomorrow?

She makes me smile. That’s been our little way of avoiding actually saying we want to see each other.

Tyler: Not tomorrow. The day after. I’ll pick you up at noon.

I want to give her a day to think. About me, hopefully. But also about John, because she deserves to have space to think and sort her thoughts out.

I toss my phone on my nightstand and lace my hands behind my head, staring up at my ceiling. I try to imagine us together. I picture us on a date together, her so beautiful and soft spoken and me a mess of flesh and scars, growling like an animal trying to speak. What if people stare at my face or back away from my voice like they always do? Would she feel embarrassed? Would she ever be happy hiding from the world here with me, in the sanctuary I’ve created for myself? Or would she eventually resent me for putting her in another trap?