I slam my laptop shut so hard, the screen cracks.

Chapter nineteen

Kate

Downward dog is usually my favorite yoga pose. Hands and feet against the floor to form an upside down v, it should decrease tension by elongating the cervical spine. But it doesn’t. It reminds me of three mornings ago and Cooper bending me over in the shower while he defiled my body, mercilessly pounding into me with unrelenting focus.

“Your ass looks good. No wonder two men want to tap that thing,” Sadie says from behind me. And not quietly.

“Shhh.” Through my legs I look back at my friend, who is out of proper position. Instead of her head looking at her feet, it’s bent forward to look at my ass in front of her.

The cute instructor comes by, shaking his head at Sadie and raising his finger to his lips to ask her to keep it down. He stands behind me and splays his hand on my lower back, applying light pressure to nudge my heels further down into the stretch. “Great, Kate. Perfect,” he says before moving on.

“Even the yogi wants to hit that ass,” Sadie whispers, or at least tries to.

We finish our hot yoga class, both drenched from sweat as we start our half-mile walk back to our apartment. “So tonight’s the big night. Last one-on-one date. One step closer to the final four. Make it through and you’ll have enough to catch the bills up.”

“Making the final four, and getting the first round of prize money, will give me some breathing room, although I don’t really have a plan for how I’m going to fix things long term.”

“When you win the show, the prize money will go a long way.”

“I’m not going to win the show.”

“Why not?”

“Because our relationship hasn’t moved in that direction. We’re more like buddies.”

“Didn’t you tell me he felt you up the other day?”

“Yes, but that was in a competition.”

“Did your heart race increase when he had his hands on you?”

“That’s not the point.”

“It is the point. You like this guy. If it wasn’t for meeting Cooper, you’d probably be into him.”

I sigh. “Maybe. But I just can’t be with two guys at the same time.”

“You’re not with Cooper.”

“I slept with him.”

“I slept with our Chem professor in college. Didn’t mean I wanted to be with him.”

“You slept with Professor Mulch?” I stop in my tracks.

“Did I forget to tell you that?”

“Umm … yes, I would have remembered if you slept with Massive Mulch.”

“The curiosity finally got to me. We stared at that anaconda bulging from his pants for ten weeks. I had to see it.”

“He was gross.”

“I didn’t look at his face.”

“So …”

“So what?” she asks coyly.

“Was it as big as the outline we stared at for months?”

“Bigger.”

“He was still gross.”

“He ruined me for petite-penised men everywhere.”

I laugh. “I totally forgot what we were talking about. How did our conversation turn to Professor Mulch?”

“I was making a point. Just because you slept with someone doesn’t mean you’re committed to them.”

“I know, but it just doesn’t feel right.”

“It doesn’t feel right because you can’t play ding dong ditch.”

“The kids game?”

“The adult version. Where you play with his ding dong and then ditch him.”

“You need help.”

“I need to play ding dong ditch,” she teases. “But seriously, Kate. I know you have feelings for Cooper. You know where I stand on that one. It’s time you put yourself first and find a little happiness. Yet we both know you won’t do that… . not when you see it as being at the expense of your mom and Kyle. So if you’re not going to give Cooper a real chance, then really jump back into the show. The last thing you need is to be heartbroken and not be able to help your family.”

I heave a heavy sigh. “I know you’re right”

“Aren’t I always?” She bumps my shoulder.

We step off the elevator and I’m surprised to find a man at our door. “Flynn … what are you doing here? I thought our date wasn’t until tonight.”

“Maybe he’s playing ding dong ditch,” Sadie mumbles so only I can hear her.

Flynn smiles at me, eyes doing a quick sweep up and down. I’m wearing a tummy-baring yoga top and second-skin yoga pants. But I’m also a sweaty mess. “Thought I’d see if you wanted to go on a pre-date date?” He leans in and kisses me on the cheek.

“A pre-date date?”

“A date before our date.”

“I thought we were off until five today.”

“We are. I was hoping to take you out, without the cameras, before our date tonight.”

“Umm … I’m supposed to help Sadie at her office today. This is Sadie, by the way.” I motion to my best friend. She has that gleam of excitement in her eyes that always got us in trouble growing up.

“Don’t be silly. We can do it another day.” She turns her attention to Flynn. “Nice to meet you. You’re even hotter in person.”

Flynn’s smiles, amused at her forwardness. “We’re all set then.”