“After everything we talked about, after everything I told you, and that’s what you think of me?”

He couldn’t tell her what he really thought of her, or how he really felt about her. It was enough that Ben had figured it out. Her words and actions for the past few months had told him she didn’t feel the same way. He had too much pride to let her ever know how he felt.

All of his anger, at Maddie and at himself for caring so much about her, came pouring out.

“We all know what matters and what doesn’t matter to you. You’ll hold my hand alone in the hospital, you’ll come over to my apartment anytime, but as soon as anyone else is around, you jump back. It’s clear Maddie Forest has a rep to uphold, and I’m not good enough for her. Why bother to pretend otherwise?”

Theo knew he shouldn’t be saying any of this to her, that he was angry and lashing out, but he couldn’t stop himself.

She looked at him like her face was made of stone.

“Why would someone like you ever be good enough for me? Someone like you, who hides in corners at parties, bores a crowd to tears at the drop of a hat, only dances alone, doesn’t listen to anything but the sound of his own voice. Why do you think I wanted to keep this a secret? You don’t think I’d want anyone to know I was sleeping with you, do you?”

That had maybe been an even harder hit than the one that had knocked him out the day before.

Maddie opened the pizza box. Shit. She’d gotten him roasted garlic pizza. It smelled so good.

“When I first met you, I thought you were the biggest asshole I’d ever met. I sure as hell was right about that.”

She turned the pizza box over, and the entire pizza dropped facedown onto the floor.

“Do me a favor, Theo.”

She dropped the box on top of the pizza.

“Never speak to me again.”

She turned and walked out. This time, she didn’t even slam the door.

Maddie’s hands shook so much she could barely get her key in the ignition. She couldn’t sit here in her car; she didn’t want Theo or his brother to see how upset she was. She took a deep breath to help pull herself together, turned the key to start the car, and drove away as fast as she could.

How could he say something like that about her? How could he even think something like that about her? She thought he knew her.

She’d thought he’d seen her for who she really was, not just what she looked like or the Maddie she showed to the world, but the person she was inside. She’d thought he’d seen the real Maddie, and liked her, cheered for her, believed in her. But in the end, he was just who she’d thought he’d been in the first place: the kind of guy who would judge her for what she looked like and what she dressed like and would never bother to get to know the real person underneath.

She’d told him so much. About her struggles, about her goals for herself, about why she was the person she was. Had he ever listened to her? Or had he just been waiting for his turn to talk?

She’d known their relationship was too good to be true, she’d known no actual relationships were that comfortable and easy, she’d known they were heading for a bad ending. She’d been right all along.

That didn’t make her feel any better.

She looked around and realized where she was; she’d driven straight to Alexa’s house.

She shook her head and made a U-turn in the middle of the street to go back home. She couldn’t tell Alexa about any of this, especially not now.

She walked into her unnaturally clean house and dropped her bags on the floor. She’d been keeping her house as clean as it was humanly possible for her to keep it ever since Theo had come over that first time. He’d been coming over often enough since then that it just made sense for her to clean up on a regular basis instead of cleaning in a frenzy whenever they had plans.

It was time for this nonsense to end.

She raced around her house, reverse cleaning. She knocked books off shelves, threw clothes out of the hamper and out of the dresser and onto the floor, tossed shopping bags from their hiding place in her bathroom closet to the middle of her living room, kicked empty boxes out of the recycling pile. Finally, she spun around in a circle to admire her handiwork and smiled.

And then she sat down in the middle of her living room floor, surrounded by all of her stuff, and sobbed.

Chapter Nineteen

THEO SHUT OFF THE PODCAST IN THE MIDDLE OF A SENTENCE. IF HE listened to one more fucking podcast, he might go wander the streets of Berkeley and yell in the ear of anyone who could listen about mattresses and food delivery boxes and razor delivery clubs and all the other stuff that every damn podcast advertised and he was now almost convinced he needed.

He couldn’t remember a more miserable week of his life, and it was only Wednesday. His head still hurt, he still couldn’t think straight, he was worried about his job, he couldn’t read, or exercise, or work, and he couldn’t stop thinking about Maddie.

He hadn’t heard from her since she’d walked out of his apartment that night, not that he’d expected to. He hated himself for every terrible and untrue thing he’d said to her that day. He wanted to blame the concussion for what he’d said, but he knew that wasn’t the biggest reason. It was that he’d been trying to save face with his little brother, and had ended up looking like a great big asshole instead.

How the hell had he managed to let himself fall in love with Maddie Forest? Because obviously, Ben—damn him—had been right about that.

But then, how could he help himself falling in love with her? She was so funny, and smart, and genuine, and caring. They’d had such a great summer together—sitting on his couch or her couch; giggling like teenagers about keeping their secret; having sex in every possible place in his apartment; venting and commiserating about their work and their families; laughing and talking and listening and being quiet together.

The problem was, he’d just been riding this wave with Maddie without looking ahead or thinking about where he was going, and now he’d been thrown back onto the rocky, cold shore, all alone.

See, this was the other problem with getting a concussion right before a breakup—he had way too much time to wallow, so he sat around and thought of increasingly more maudlin metaphors.

He needed to pull himself together. Maybe he should eat something. He still had like three or four of those frozen pizzas Ben had brought him, but between the ones they’d eaten and the pizzas they’d ordered, he was getting kind of sick of pizza.

He glanced over at Ben, who was at the desk in the corner, in front of his laptop. Ben had refused to leave him alone and had told his job he’d be working from home all week. After he’d listened to Ben’s incessant chatter for two straight days, he’d forced Ben to play the quiet game, which had worked a hell of a lot better now than when they were kids. Maybe it was that Ben had more willpower now, or that the beer he gave Ben as a reward was a bigger draw than the play money he’d tried to give him twenty-five years ago.

His phone rang. Alexa. She’d been by once over the weekend to check in on him and had looked surprised at finding him and Ben alone. She hadn’t asked about Maddie, though, thank God.

“Bless you for calling. I’m so bored.”

She laughed.

“Then I guess the answer is yes to whether you want me to bring you dinner?”

Oh thank God. For the food, and the company to keep him from yelling at the walls, or his brother.

“Absolutely. Anything that isn’t pizza.”

Ben caught his eye and pointed to himself with both hands. He sighed.

“Lex, Ben wants you to know he’s here, too.”

She laughed.

“I’ll bring enough for both of you. Chinese work? I’ll be there in half an hour.”

When he got off the phone, he pointed at Ben.

“Remember, say nothing to Alexa about the whole Maddie thing, no matter how much you want to get her on your side. Alexa doesn’t know anything about this.”

One of the other reasons he’d threatened to tape his brother’s mouth shut was that Ben kept telling him he needed to make up with Maddie. Maddie had made her feelings about him crystal clear right before she’d walked out of his door; what would the point even be of him trying to make up with her? She never wanted to hear from him again.

And after the awful things he’d said to her, he didn’t blame her.

“I’m just saying,I’m the asshole,” Ben said. “Why are you acting like me? You’re supposed to be the smart one. Be smart here! Talk to her, text her, write her a letter to apologize and tell her how you feel, something.”

Theo stood up. At least he wasn’t dizzy anymore.

“We’ve been over this.”

“I know we’ve been over this, but obviously we need to go over it again!” Ben said. “You always do this. One fight with a woman and you give up, even when you can make a save! I never cared before because I never liked any of the other women you’ve dated, but I liked Maddie!”

He should have kicked Ben out days ago.

“It doesn’t matter how much you liked Maddie; this is about me, not you.”