He dropped his arm from around her and looked away.

“I do things I’m ashamed of all the time. I don’t do this anymore, but I always used to be that guy who would look down on other people for not dressing exactly right, or not knowing the rules for any professional interaction, or for stepping out of line even for a second. I’ve stopped—for the most part—being an asshole to other people about that kind of stuff, but I still get mad at myself when I fuck up anything, as you saw a few weeks ago.” He shook his head. “My brother—who has had far more therapy than is good for him—says I blame myself for our dad leaving when we were kids, and that’s why I’m such a perfectionist, and it’s not healthy to expect everyone else to be one, too. I say I had to grow up really quickly, and I didn’t want to make life even harder for my mom, so I learned how to put my head down and get things done, look right, dress right, act right.”

Theo was looking straight down at the coffee table. This was clearly hard for him to talk about.

“Which one is it?” she asked him.

He sighed and looked up at her.

“Probably some of both. Ben somehow learned the opposite from what I did, and I’m always in a panic when he tells me about one of his half-cocked plots and I think he’s headed for disaster, and yet he’s ended up okay so far.” He shook his head. “He thinks I’m a walking spreadsheet without a spontaneous bone in my body; I think he’s a flighty bro who never plans past the next day. Put the two of us together, and we might make one normal person.”

She poured more wine into both of their glasses. He took a sip and laughed.

“When I’m feeling uncharitable, I think Ben’s had all that therapy because he loves to find ways to talk about himself, but in reality, he’s probably just better at being a person than I am.”

She nudged him with her shoulder.

“I think you’re pretty great at being a person. Sometimes.”

He laughed.

“Sometimes indeed. I don’t think that time is right now, though—we were talking about you, and I made it all about me.”

She laughed.

“That’s okay. It helped. Speaking of a few weeks ago, I’m glad we’ve managed to have our respective breakdowns at different times so we could calm each other down.”

He put his arm around her.

“I promise one thing: I absolutely won’t tell you to calm down. I’ve learned not to do that the hard way.” She laughed and leaned her head against his chest. “But really, do you just want me to listen, or do you want advice? I can do either one, but I don’t want to be that pretentious asshole we both know I can be, who’ll butt in with advice when it’s not necessary or wanted.”

Apparently, tonight they were both admitting their flaws to each other. She smiled at him.

“Thanks for asking that. Advice is okay, I think. Just, be gentle?”

The doorbell rang, and he stood up.

“I promise.”

When he came back with the pizza, she looked up at him.

“Okay.” She took a deep breath. “Do you have advice for me now?”

He nodded, but he looked worried.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m not going to yell at you and try to storm out again, I promise. You’re stuck with me for the rest of the night, no matter what you say.”

He laughed, just as she’d meant him to.

“Okay. First, what are the next steps in the interview process?”

She’d almost forgotten to ask that but had done it right at the end, when all she wanted to do was flee from the building.

“This time it was just a panel from the station who watched us; if I get through to the next one, it’ll be filmed.”

He nodded.

“Great. Then, if you get through to the next round, do everything differently. Help these women in a way that will make you feel proud of yourself, show the people at the studio how fantastic you are at making your clients feel good about themselves, show everyone involved that you don’t have to be mean and mocking in order to make a great show. Be the black female Tim Gunn!”

Maddie laughed at Theo’s last line and then sighed.

“That all sounds great, but what if they hate that? What if they want the funny, bitchy mean girl Maddie they saw today, and not . . .”

He ran his fingers through her hair.

“Not the warm, kind, encouraging Maddie I saw at the bridal store? That seems like the real Maddie.”

She shrugged.

“Both are the real Maddie, but it’s a lot easier to show the other Maddie to the world. The snarky Maddie has a lot more armor.” Easier to show the other Maddie to everyone, and a hell of a lot less scary. Very few people saw the emotional, soft-bellied Maddie she’d shown at the bridal salon . . . and to Theo today. “Plus, most people only like one side of me, not both.”

He pulled her against him.

“I like both sides of you. I bet other people will as well. Think about it?”

Theo had surprised her a lot this summer, but never as much as he had this afternoon, with the amount of respect he’d shown her and her job, even after her meltdown.

Now that she thought about it, she wasn’t sure if she believed it. What did he really think about her—the kind, thoughtful things he was saying now, or the stuff he’d said in his office about how self-absorbed she was? Could she really trust him with her real self? She had no idea, but she did know talking to him like this was starting to make her feel way too vulnerable. She needed to change the subject.

“Okay. I’ll think about it.” She reached for the remote control. “Can we watch some British people bake now?”

He took the remote control from her and put it back down on the coffee table.

“I have a better idea.” He stood and pulled her up with one hand. What was he up to? He had a sly look on his face.

“Come here.” He put his hands on her hips, and steered her to the corner of the room. With one hand, he swept the orderly piles of books, papers, and plants off his desk, and then he picked her up and set her on top of it.

“Theo!” She looked at the disorder on the floor and grinned widely. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”

He pushed her skirt up around her hips and moved himself in between her legs. This was better than an emotional conversation any day.

“Look, you wanted sex on my desk, I’m going to give you sex on my desk. Sure, we’re swapping one desk for another, and this one isn’t quite as risky, but . . .”

She leaned forward and pulled his belt off and dropped it on the floor.

“No, it’s even better. There was way more stuff on this desk than your one at work. Do you know how hot it was to see you sweep everything off this onto the floor?” She pulled open his pants. “So, so fucking hot.”

He hooked his thumbs around her underwear and pulled it off her. See, she’d been right. Sex was just what she needed to get over today.

“Do you know what’s going to be even hotter than that?” he asked her.

She shook her head, her fist wrapped around his cock.

“No, tell me.”

He pushed her legs open wider and slid his fingers inside her.

“It’s going to be so hot when I fuck you right now. With all your clothes on, and your nipples hard, and your pussy so wet for me.” He pulled a condom out of his desk drawer and rolled it on. “How much do you want this right now, Maddie?”

She looked him in the eyes. He was intent on her, with that serious look on his face she’d seen there before, often when he was deep into work. She loved it when he directed that look to her.

“I want it so much. I want you so much,” she said.

He brushed her hair off her face and stroked her cheek with his thumb. The look in his eyes was so tender, so open, it made tears spring to her eyes. She pulled him toward her and kissed him. All of her emotions from the past few hours came out in that kiss: her anxiety, her relief, her gratitude, her joy. He kissed her back with the same power and warmth she gave to him. She was almost relieved when the kiss ended.

He finally drove into her, and she gasped. She wrapped her legs around his to hold on to him, and she felt his strong arms around her, holding her up, as they moved back and forth against each other. At first they went slowly, as they both stared at each other, neither of them smiling. He leaned forward and kissed her again, this time harder, and suddenly they moved together faster and faster. He held her tightly with one arm and reached in between the two of them so he could rub his thumb against the exact place he knew would put her over the edge.

She bit his shoulder as she came, and then he pounded his release into her. She rested her head against his chest as she tried to catch her breath, and for some stupid reason fought back tears.

“Well.” He kissed her hair. “That was even better than I fantasized it would be.”

She kissed his collarbone. It had been the best sex they’d ever had; they both knew that. She couldn’t say that, though. She’d said too much today already. Instead, she sat up and grinned at him.

“If I had known this was what happened when I called you conservative, I would have done that weeks ago.”

He laughed and tossed her onto the couch.

Chapter Thirteen