I didn't know why this was so funny to me, but I laughed out loud as I walked from American History to English and several people shot me wary looks. How had I never noticed this before? Perhaps because there was something very graceful about her in stillness, the way she held her head, the arch of her neck...

There was nothing graceful about her now. Mr. Varner watched as she caught the toe of her boot on the carpet and literally fell into her chair.

I laughed again.

The time moved with incredible sluggishness while I waited for my chance to see her with my own eyes. Finally, the bell rang. I strode quickly to the cafeteria to secure my spot. I was one of the first there. I chose a table that was usually empty, and was sure to remain that way with me seated here.

When my family entered and saw me sitting alone in a new place, they were not surprised. Alice must have warned them.

Rosalie stalked past me without a glance.

Idiot.

Rosalie and I had never had an easy relationship - I'd offended her the very first time she'd heard me speak, and it was downhill from there - but it seemed like she was even more ill-tempered than usual the last few days. I sighed. Rosalie made everything about herself.

Jasper gave me half a smile as he walked by.

Good luck, he thought doubtfully.

Emmett rolled his eyes and shook his head.

Lost his mind, poor kid.

Alice was beaming, her teeth shining too brightly.

Can I talk to Bella now??

"Keep out of it," I said under my breath.

Her face fell, and then brightened again.

Fine. Be stubborn. It's only a matter of time.

I sighed again.

Don't forget about today's biology lab, she reminded me.

I nodded. No, I hadn't forgotten that.

While I waited for Bella to arrive, I followed her in the eyes of the freshman who was walking behind Jessica on his way to the cafeteria. Jessica was babbling about the upcoming dance, but Bella said nothing in response. Not that Jessica gave her much of a chance.

The moment Bella walked through the door, her eyes flashed to the table where my siblings sat. She stared for a moment, and then her forehead crumpled and her eyes dropped to the floor. She hadn't noticed me here.

She looked so...sad. I felt a powerful urge to get up and go to her side, to comfort her somehow, only I didn't know what she would find comforting. I had no idea what made her look that way. Jessica continued to jabber about the dance. Was Bella sad that she was going to miss it? That didn't seem likely...

But that could be remedied, if she wished.

She bought a drink for her lunch and nothing else. Was that right? Didn't she need more nutrition than that? I'd never paid much attention to a human's diet before. Humans were quite exasperatingly fragile! There were a million different things to worry about...

"Edward Cullen is staring at you again," I heard Jessica say. "I wonder why he's sitting alone today?"

I was grateful to Jessica - though she was even more resentful now - because Bella's head snapped up and her eyes searched until they met mine.

There was no trace of sadness in her face now. I let myself hope that she'd been sad because she'd thought I'd left school early, and that hope made me smile. I motioned with my finger for her to join me. She looked so startled by this that I wanted to tease her again.

So I winked, and her mouth fell open.

"Does he mean you?" Jessica asked rudely.

"Maybe he needs help with his Biology homework," she said in a low, uncertain voice. "Um, I'd better go see what he wants."

This was another yes.

She stumbled twice on her way to my table, though there was nothing in her way but perfectly even linoleum. Seriously, how had I missed this before? I'd been paying more attention to her silent thoughts, I supposed... What else had I missed? Keep it honest, keep it light, I chanted to myself.

She stopped behind the chair across from me, hesitating. I inhaled deeply, through my nose this time rather than my mouth.

Feel the burn, I thought dryly.

"Why don't you sit with me today?" I asked her.

She pulled the chair out and sat, staring at me the whole while. She seemed nervous, but her physical acceptance was yet another yes.

I waited for her to speak.

It took a moment, but, finally, she said, "This is different."

"Well..." I hesitated. "I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."

What had made me say that? I supposed it was honest, at least. And perhaps she'd hear the unsubtle warning my words implied. Maybe she would realize that she should get up and walk away as quickly as possible...

She didn't get up. She stared at me, waiting, as if I'd left my sentence unfinished. "You know I don't have any idea what you mean," she said when I didn't continue.

That was a relief. I smiled.

"I know."

It was hard to ignore the thoughts screaming at me from behind her back - and I wanted to change the subject anyway.

"I think your friends are angry at me for stealing you."

This did not appear to concern her. "They'll survive."

"I may not give you back, though." I didn't even know if I was trying to be honest now, or just trying to tease her again. Being near her made it hard to make sense of my own thoughts.

Bella swallowed loudly.

I laughed at her expression. "You look worried." It really shouldn't be funny... She should worry.

"No." She was a bad liar; it didn't help that her voice broke. "Surprised,

actually.... What brought this on?"

"I told you," I reminded her. "I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I'm giving up." I held my smile in place with a bit of effort. This wasn't working at all - trying to be honest and casual at the same time.

"Giving up?" she repeated, baffled.

"Yes - giving up trying to be good." And, apparently, giving up trying to be casual. "I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may." That was honest enough. Let her see my selfishness. Let that warn her, too.

"You lost me again."

I was selfish enough to be glad that this was the case. "I always say too much when I'm talking to you - that's one of the problems."

A rather insignificant problem, compared to the rest.

"Don't worry," she reassured me. "I don't understand any of it."