How was it possible that she and Ryan had grown up less than twenty miles from each other and had lived such different lives? How could this world be real?

Ryan walked around and pulled off a few sheets. “Todd and I spent a lot of time up here. We dug through nearly everything. Most of it was pretty boring for a couple of boys, but I remember…”

He crossed the dusty wood floor and moved a few boxes, then beckoned her forward.

“I know how you feel about ultra modern. Is this more your style?”

He’d promised her a surprise. She hadn’t been sure what to expect, but it hadn’t been a beautiful carved bassinet.

She dropped to her knees and sucked in a breath as she touched the smooth finish. Angels and hearts and flowers adorned the piece. It was a little battered, but mostly incredible.

“Oh, Ryan. It’s stunning.”

“I’m glad you like it. We can get it refinished or painted or whatever. There’s a matching dresser.” He sat down beside her. “This stuff is maybe a hundred and fifty years old. There’s no changing table, but we could get one made. The same with a crib.”

“That sounds great. How did you know I would love this?”

His dark gaze settled on her face. “I just knew.”

She would have guessed he was the kind of guy to give traditional, expected gifts, but she was wrong—and happy to be so. Not that she would be keeping the pieces. They were family heirlooms. But she would be delighted to use them while the baby was young.

“You’re unexpectedly thoughtful,” she said. “Thank you. These are amazing.”

“Good. I’ve been doing some reading online. About babies. They need a lot of stuff.”

“It is hard to believe something so small needs so many accessories.”

He leaned against a chest and stretched out his legs in front of him. “Can you feel anything yet?”

She touched her stomach. “Just faint queasiness. No movement. It’s going to be a couple of months before that.”

“You’re barely showing.”

“I have a tummy.” She’d been about to say he should see her na**d, but that would lead them to places probably best left unvisited.

“When are you telling the partners?” he asked.

“Soon. I have to. There are a lot of details I’m going to have to work out, but I’ll make it work. It’s so strange. Until I found out I was pregnant, my career was the most important part of my life. I lived for work. I was determined to get ahead, no matter what. A baby is really going to mess that up and I can’t seem to mind.”

“You won’t be making the decisions alone,” he told her. “I’ll be participating. I’m going to be a present parent, Julie. I want to be there for my child.”

He sounded determined and intense. “I’m good with that,” she said. “We can both interview prospective nannies.”

She’d meant it as a joke, but he grimaced.

“I had a nanny.”

As big as the house was, and as much money as his family had, she shouldn’t have been surprised. Yet she was. “Interesting. Was she nice?”

“I had several and they were all fine. My parents preferred to avoid the hands-on aspect of raising a kid. They took me when they traveled, but we weren’t ever together. I don’t remember them taking me places themselves or sharing meals with me. I had my own suite at the hotel, with my nanny, sometimes Todd, if his folks were along.”

That was so not the picture of his childhood she’d expected. She’d imagined something far more perfect and loving.

“Sounds lonely,” she said.

“Sometimes it was. I did better as I got older and was able to get out on my own. I could meet other kids. Once I was in school, I was safe, except for the summer. We were always flying off somewhere.”

Julie remembered her childhood summers as long, lazy days spent in the garden. She and her sisters would invent elaborate games that took days to play out.

“Todd helped,” Ryan continued. “We were there for each other. Like you and your sisters.”

“They’re important to me,” she agreed.

“I want more for our baby, Julie. I want our child to know we’re both there, that we both care. I want us to create a family. I want the family I never had.”

He sounded both determined and painfully sad. She ached for the small boy who’d had so many things and yet so little of what really mattered.

“I don’t think we can go back and give you that family,” she said. “I know I don’t want to re-create mine. But we can build something new, that works for us.”

He nodded. “I’d like to try that.” He looked at her. “Does your dad know about the baby yet?”

She wrinkled her nose. “I certainly haven’t told him. If my mom spoke to him recently, then she might have mentioned it.”

“You don’t like him. I can hear it in your voice.”

“I can’t forgive him,” she admitted. “He hurts her over and over again. I know she has some responsibility in that—she keeps letting him come back. I just wish she would dump him once and for all and find a good guy. But she claims to love him.”

“You don’t believe her?”

“I don’t think love is supposed to hurt that much.”

He reached out and took her hand. Of course there was the usual array of tingles and tightening and desire. Julie had the feeling she would always experience that when Ryan was around. But there was also something different. Something warm and comforting. As if she could trust him to be there.

Not likely, she told herself. But it was nice to pretend.

She shifted so she sat crossed-legged. “I was engaged once,” she said quietly. “His name was Garrett and he was very charming. We met in law school.”

“I hate him,” Ryan said lightly.

She smiled. “That is a testament to your excellent taste.” She shrugged. “I keep looking back, trying to figure out where I went wrong and no matter how many times I go over the material, I can’t figure it out. I don’t see what clues I missed. I like to think there weren’t any, but who knows. Anyway, we started dating, we fell in love, or so I thought, we got engaged.”

She looked at Ryan. “He was already married. His wife, a very sweet young woman, lived back in New Mexico with her family. She was working two jobs to pay for his education. They’d decided it would be cheaper for her to stay with them, while he got a studio apartment here and went to UCLA.”

Ryan’s hold on her hand tightened slightly. He swore.

“My thoughts exactly,” she murmured, fighting emotions she didn’t want to feel again. She’d been a fool, it was over, move on. “So we were engaged and planning a post-graduation wedding. The only reason I found out about his wife was that she won the lottery.” Julie managed a smile. “Nothing big—about thirty thousand dollars. But it meant she could move out and be with him and only have to work one job. She showed up without warning. All three of us got a really big shock.”

Ryan pulled her close. She stiffened, then relaxed into his embrace. She knew her life was better with Garrett out of it, but still, the hug felt good.

“I don’t know what he planned to do,” she said, her head resting on his shoulder. “Was he going to be a bigamist? Was he going to wait until the last minute to tell me? Was he going to disappear? I don’t know and I didn’t stay long enough to find out. I got the basic facts and I took off.”

She closed her eyes. “I hated how stupid I felt. Even more than missing him and still loving him, the stupidity of it all killed me. I’d always thought of myself as so smart, and yet he’d fooled me totally.”

“He was a bastard and a liar. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

She opened her eyes and looked at him. “Yes, well, now you can see why your little stunt might have pushed a button with me. Besides the obvious reasons.”

He grabbed her by the shoulders and shifted so that he could look into her eyes. “I’ve apologized. I think you believe me. So here’s what I want to know—are you ever going to be able to let it go?”

Interesting question. It all came down to whether or not she wanted to. Was she willing to accept that he’d had momentary bad judgment, that it hadn’t been personal and that if he could take it back, he would? How long did she want him punished?

“I’m getting closer,” she admitted. “A lot closer. But you need to back off on the whole getting-married thing.”

“Hey, I mentioned it once. And for the record, you seriously overreacted.”

“Oh, please. It was a terrible way to propose. Besides, once was enough.”

“You don’t want to get married?”

She wondered what he was thinking. Was he relieved that she’d refused or had he really meant that they should get married? She wasn’t sure which she wanted it to be.

“Eventually,” she said. “But because I want to, not out of duty.”

“A romantic. I never would have guessed.”

“Not a romantic. I just want to find someone special. The right guy for me.”

He dropped his hands to her knees. “So what’s he like, this right guy?”

“I don’t know—I haven’t met him yet.”

“So you’re available.”

What? “Are you planning to set me up with one of your friends? Do you have someone in mind?”

“Of course,” he said as he leaned close. “Someone charming and successful and very good-looking.”

She could feel his breath on her face. Anticipation swept through her. “Let me guess. Someone we both know?”

“Uh-huh. Me.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

But he didn’t answer, which was fine with her. Because he kissed her instead.

Eleven

Ryan wrapped both arms around her and slowly lowered her to the floor. At the same time, his mouth claimed hers in a kiss that stirred her to her soul. She felt weak and hungry, powerful and on fire. Her body ached for possession and her heart wanted to open and accept this man inside.

Only her brain wasn’t sure if, after all this time, he could be trusted. Still, right now Julie was far less concerned about trust than feeling his hard body pressed against hers. Sometimes, you just had to go with the moment.

His tongue swept leisurely through her mouth, teasing, exploring, exciting. He lowered one hand to her hip and slid his palm across the slight swell of her belly before climbing higher. Her muscles clenched in anticipation of him touching her breasts. Her breath caught in her throat until the weight of his palm settled on her curves.

She was more sensitive than she’d been before, she thought as he lightly brushed against her nipples. More sensitive, but in an amazing, connected, oh-God-I-might-come-right-now sort of way. Sensation shot through her, burning down to her fingers and toes. Between her legs, she felt both heat and dampness.

He broke the kiss and smiled down at her. “I used to dream about this when I was in high school. A sexy woman in my attic. I’d nearly forgotten about it, but suddenly the memories are very clear.”

“Did it ever happen?”

“Not until today.”

“So I’m about to fulfill an erotic adolescent fantasy.”

“That would be my preference.”

She pretended to consider the matter. “It’s interesting, I suppose. So what exactly did you want to do to this mystery woman?”

His smile turned wicked. “Everything.”

She shivered in anticipation. “Can you be more specific?”

“Of course.”

But instead of telling her, he bent down, pushed up her T-shirt and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to her belly. After unfastening her jeans and pulling them open, he used his tongue to tease her belly button.

Even as her insides clenched and she fought against begging to be taken right then, she managed to kick off her shoes so he could tug her jeans down and toss them aside. Her T-shirt followed.

He supported himself on one elbow. With his other hand, he traced patterns on her rib cage. “Your skin is so soft. I used to wonder what it would be like to touch a woman. How she would be different. I read a lot, I listened to other guys talk, I imagined, but I wasn’t prepared for the softness.”

She liked knowing he hadn’t always been so experienced and together. “So how fast was that first time?”

He chuckled. “An eighth of a second. I just wanted to be inside and finally do it. I didn’t appreciate the subtleties until later.”

“Subtleties?”

He unfastened the front hook of her bra with a quick movement of his fingers. “The way a slow build can make the end result even better. How I can know what you like by the way you react to my touch.”

The air in the attic was warm, yet goose bumps broke out on her skin.

“If I do this…” He slipped his index finger across her tight, sensitive nipple.

Instinctively, she closed her eyes and arched her body toward him, silently asking for more.

“See,” he murmured. “You react.”

He bent low and took the same nipple in his mouth. The combination of wet heat and gentle sucking made her gasp. Ribbons of need flowed down her body. She ran her fingers through his hair, then squeezed his shoulders as he shifted to her other breast.

He circled her, then drew her deeply into his mouth. He trailed one of his hands down her stomach and slipped his fingers under her panties into the waiting dampness below.