Page 48

The oil lamp burns low. The moon rises high, and the far-off noises from the feast quiet. Charcoal stains my fingers and nails, and my back aches from hunching over. When I am certain I will never draw a perfect line again, I finally do it. I draw the straight slope of his nose, and there he is, in all his perfection.

My nerves spark, revitalizing my purpose. I have done it. I am ready.

I take out the sandalwood incense I pocketed from the chapel. My fingertip glows with fire, and I ignite the end. A steady flow of smoke rises, hazing the chamber, and treating my senses to a smell I have missed.

The sketch I toiled over for many days is laid on the table. Several moons’ worth of preparation and practice to regain a level of artistry with my weaker hand waits for me. Is it good enough? Does it look like him? Or have I forgotten any details? The thought sets me ill at ease. I pick up the sketch and examine it, racking my memory. Each detail required painstaking care.

No, I haven’t missed anything. This is him.

But if I am wrong. If I fail . . .

My nerves cannot handle another moment of wavering. I blow out the lantern, and shadows fall in around me. Pressing the sketch over my thudding heart, I survey the darkest corner of my chamber. Inhaling the sandalwood scent, I welcome the shadows, for they are the door to the evernight.

Anu, please let this be . . .

Closing my eyes, I go deep into my mind and unlock my chest of treasures. Memories of Deven Naik, alive and whole, fill me. His deep chuckle, satiny kiss, and soft beard. I continue the trail of memories, going back to the first time I saw him atop his horse, riding toward the temple. I hone my senses, seeking for a change in the dark, and open my eyes.

No one is here. I expand my sense of awareness, seeking a presence in my dim room, but grasp on to nothing.

Names hold power.

I call to him, first with my mind and heart, and then with my lips. “Deven Naik.”

The shadows do not stir. I am speaking to myself, to a ghost, to a lost dream.

The tears come, though I scarcely feel them. They are so prevalent as of late, especially at night when I am alone. I set down the sketch and put out the incense.

Moonlight frosts my balcony. I shut the doors, deepening the shadows in my chamber, and trudge to my bed. Tears fill up my nose and throat. I always think they will drown me, but they never do. I drop onto the mound of frivolous pillows, though I have found one use for them. Selecting a square one, I press it over my face and release a sob. Natesa sometimes checks on me at night, and I do not want her to hear me.

I weep into the satin cloth until my head swims with a headache. Tossing it aside, I wipe at my soggy nose, and a sudden awareness passes over me.

Someone is here.

I capture my breath and slowly sit up.

A shadow of a man stands near the empty hearth. I gasp, my lips trembling. I can hardly exhale as he crosses to me. At the side of my bed, I push up and lift my fingers to his profile, the one I sketched this evening and dream of each night.

“Kali,” Deven says at the same moment I touch his cheek.

He is real, not a pillar of dark. He pulses soul-fire.

“You came. You found me.” I leap at him, and his arms lock around me, solid and strong. He is a real man. I grab him close as can be, terrified that if I let go he will disappear. “I knew you were alive. I looked for you in the shadows.”

He buries his face in my hair. “I tried to come before, but the dark made it difficult. There are so many pathways to take. I felt you stronger tonight. You were like a beacon.”

I lean back and cup his bearded chin. His serious eyes are the same rich brown. Though his hair is longer, the shaggy length frames and softens his stern jaw. He smells of his normal sandalwood, tagged on by a hint of mist. “You’re trapped in the evernight?”

“Yes.”

I run my hand down to his chest. His heart thuds regularly against my palm. “Does it hurt? Are you in pain?”

He strokes my hair. “It’s dark, but I’m all right.”

“I have to get you out of there. I know of a tale. Inanna’s . . . Inanna’s Descent. She saved her intended from death. She went down into the Void and found him. I can use my powers to come for you.” I push a glow into my hand, and he starts to fade from view. I pull back on my soul-fire, and a frustrated groan lodges in my throat.

He is confined to shadows, unable to come into the light.

Do not cry. He doesn’t need your weeping. But as I gaze at Deven once more, his soul-fire feels wrong, like a flame trapped behind glass.

“I’m so sorry. I should have done more, gone back in the lake after you or made the others onshore search harder and longer.” My tears squeeze past my restraint. “I tried. I did.”

He rests his forehead against mine. “When I went through the gate, I thought . . . I thought I was dead. I thought all light was gone from existence, and I . . . I wanted it to be. But each night I could feel you dreaming of me, wishing for me. You kept me from fading away. I couldn’t have navigated through the shadows without you, Kali.”

I run my hand up and down his arm.

He’s alive. He’s here.

“We’ll find a way to bring you back,” I promise. “I’m just grateful you’re here now.”

Deven presses his cheek to mine. “Now that I know the path, I’ll come to you every night. Nothing will keep me away.”

Hunger for life that I have not felt since he was taken quivers inside me. I throw my arms around him, and his kisses sprinkle my forehead. I swear on every star in the heavens, I will find a way to descend into the depths of the Void and bring him home. But for this moment, and in this time, I rest against him and revel in the bliss of the midnight hour.