She does not know if it’s some kind of mercy, or simply a crack in the mortar of her curse, one of the few fissures she’s found in the walls of this new life. Perhaps Luc hasn’t noticed. Or perhaps he has put them there on purpose, to draw her out, to make her hope.
Addie draws a smoldering twig from the fireplace and brings it idly to the threadbare rug. It is dry enough that it should catch, and burn, but it does not. It gutters, and cools too quickly, just outside the safety of its hearth.
She sits on the floor, humming softly as she feeds stick after stick into the blaze until it burns the chill off the place like a breath scattering dust.
She feels him like a draft.
He does not knock.
He never knocks.
One moment she is alone, and the next, she is not.
“Adeline.”
She hates the way it makes her feel to hear him say her name, hates the way she leans into the word like a body seeking shelter from a storm.
“Luc.”
She turns, expecting to see him as he was in Paris, dressed in the fine salon fashion, but instead he is exactly as he was the night they met, wind-blown and shadow-edged, in a simple dark tunic, the laces open at the collar. The firelight dances across his face, shades the edges of his jaw and cheek and brow like charcoal.
His eyes slide over the meager bounty on the sill before returning to her. “Back where you started…”
Addie rises to her feet, so he can’t look down on her.
“Fifty years,” he says. “How quickly they go by.”
They have not gone quickly at all, not for her, and he knows it. He is looking for bare skin, soft places to slide the knife, but she will not give him such an easy target. “No time at all,” she echoes coolly. “To think one life would ever be enough.”
Luc flashes only the edge of a smile.
“What a picture you make, tending that fire. You could almost be Estele.”
It is the first time she has heard that name on his lips, and there is something in the way he says it, almost wistful. Luc crosses to the window, and looks out at the line of trees. “How many nights she stood here, and whispered out into the woods.”
He glances over his shoulder, a coy grin playing over his lips. “For all her talk of freedom, she was so lonely in the end.”
Addie shakes her head. “No.”
“You should have been here with her,” he says. “Should have eased her pain when she was ill. Should have laid her down to rest. You owed her that.”
Addie draws back as if struck.
“You were so selfish, Adeline. And because of you, she died alone.”
We all die alone. That is what Estele would say—at least, she thinks. She hopes. Once, she would have been certain, but the confidence has faded with the memory of the woman’s voice.
Across the room, the darkness moves. One moment he is at the window, the next, he is behind her, his voice threading through her hair.
“She was so ready to die,” Luc says. “So desperate for that spot in the shade. She stood at that window and begged, and begged. I could have given it to her.”
A memory, old fingers tight around her wrist.
Never pray to the gods that answer after dark.
Addie turns on him. “She would never have prayed to you.”
A flickering smile. “No.” A sneer. “But think of how sad she’d be to know you did.”
Addie’s temper flares. Her hand flies out before she thinks to stop it, and even then, she half expects to find no purchase, only air and smoke. But Luc is caught off guard, and so her palm strikes skin, or something like it. His head turns a fraction with the force of the blow. There is no blood on those perfect lips, of course, no heat on that cool skin, but she has at least wiped the smile from his face.
Or so she thinks.
Until he begins to laugh.
The sound is eerie, unreal, and when he turns his face back toward her, she stills. There is nothing human in it now. The bones are too sharp, the shadows too deep, the eyes too bright.
“You forget yourself,” he says, his voice dissolving into woodsmoke. “You forget me.”
Pain lances up through Addie’s feet, sudden and sharp. She looks down, searching for a wound, but the pain lights her from within. A deep, internal ache, the force of every step she’s ever walked.
“Perhaps I have been too merciful.”
The pain climbs through her limbs, infecting knee and hip, wrist and shoulder. Her legs buckle beneath her, and it is all she can do not to scream.
The darkness looks down with a smile.
“I have made this too easy.”
Addie watches in horror as her hands begin to wrinkle and thin, blue veins standing out beneath papery skin.
“You asked only for life. I gave you your health, and youth, as well.”
Her hair comes loose from its bun and hangs lank before her eyes, the strands going dry and brittle and gray.
“It has made you arrogant.”
Her sight weakens, vision blurring until the room is only smudges and vague shapes.
“Perhaps you need to suffer.”
Addie squeezes her eyes shut, heart fluttering with panic.
“No,” she says, and it is the closest she has ever come to pleading.
She can feel him, moving closer. Can feel the shadow of him looming over her.
“I will take away these pains. I will let you rest. I will even raise a tree over your bones. And all you have to do”—the voice seeps through the dark—“is surrender.”
That word, like a tear in the veil. And for all the pain, and terror, of this moment, Addie knows she will not give in.
She has survived worse. She will survive worse. This is nothing but a god’s foul temper.
When she finds the breath to speak, the words come out in a ragged whisper. “Go to Hell.”
She braces herself, wonders if he will rot her all the way through, bend her body into a corpse, and leave her there, a broken husk on the old woman’s floor. But there is only more laughter, low and rumbling, and then nothing, the night stretching into stillness.
Addie is afraid to open her eyes, but when she does, she finds herself alone.
The ache has faded from her bones. Her loose hair has regained its chestnut shade. Her hands, once ruined, are again young, smooth, and strong.
She rises, shaking, and turns toward the hearth.
But the fire, so carefully tended, has gone out.
That night, Addie curls up on the moldering pallet, beneath a threadbare blanket left unclaimed, and thinks of Estele.
She closes her eyes and inhales until she can almost smell the herbs that clung to the old woman’s hair, the garden and sap on her skin. She holds fast to the memory of Estele’s crooked smile, her crow-like laugh, the voice she used when she spoke to gods, and the one she used with Addie. Back when she was young, when Estele taught her not to be afraid of storms, of shadows, of sounds in the night.
New York City
March 19, 2014
II
Addie leans against the window, watching the sun rise over Brooklyn.
She wraps her fingers around a cup of tea, savoring the heat against her palms. The glass fogs with cold, the dregs of winter clinging to the edges of the day. She is wearing one of Henry’s sweatshirts, cotton branded with the Columbia logo. It smells like him. Like old books and fresh coffee.