“Is that your only jacket?” he asked softly.

“Yeah,” I muttered, embarrassed at my poverty. I knew I needed a better one for winter, but I was trying to save as much as I could for school.

“We’ll have snow soon, I can tell. I’ll start bringing my car next week. It’ll keep you warmer on the way home.”

“You drive?” I asked surprised. I’d never seen O’Connell with a car, so I just assumed he didn’t have one.

“Yeah,” he replied sheepishly. “A Ford Mustang. The boys helped me fix it up a couple of years ago, but I don’t drive it much lately.”

“Why not?” I asked. This time it was his turn to look embarrassed, though he needn’t have.

“I had to give up my job in construction to train with Danny full-time. He’s trying to get us some sponsors, but until I win a few decent fights, it’s gonna be tough. Kier’s Ma is letting me crash with Kier for a bit, rent free, but I’ll probably have to sell the car soon to pay for training. Danny’s offered to help me out with expenses, but I don’t want to take his money. It’s enough to ask him to train me.”

I nodded but didn’t say anything so he’d keep talking.

“I used to make pretty good money bare knuckle boxing, but I promised Danny I wouldn’t do that anymore. I can’t afford to if I try to go pro.”

He looked nervous like he was waiting for my reaction.

“Danny told me you were trying to go professional. He seems to think you have a good chance.”

“What do you think?” he asked. His question puzzled me.

“I don’t know anything about boxing, O’Connell. I think that trying to better yourself at anything is a good thing, especially if it means cutting back on the partying and drinking. But honestly, I worry about you getting hurt fighting with professional boxers.”

He smiled, looking pleased with my answer.

“What?” I questioned at the look on his face.

“It’s kind of nice having someone worry about me.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to a stop facing him. He moved in so close that our noses were almost touching.

“Tell me you can feel this. I need to know I’m not the only one,” he spoke gently.

“I feel it,” I whispered, staring at the ground. “But I’m not doing anything about it. Everything that you make me feel is completely overwhelming, and I can’t give you what you need, not even close. I don’t want to talk about why I am this way, but just offering you friendship is a big deal for me right now.”

I finished my rant feeling more desperate than ever. This big, strong, beautiful, terrifying man had feelings for me, but seriously how long would they last? I was getting better, but I was afraid of my own shadow most of the time. I was small, weak, and lacked any self-confidence. O’Connell was dangerous, addictive, and so sexy that I was consumed by lust every time we were in the same room together. He used his body like a weapon and the danger attracted women like a magnet. With that many women, all vying for his attention, what little charm I held for him would fade like mist in the morning sun. If I let him in, he had the power to break what little of me was left whole when I couldn’t keep him.

Reaching out one giant, scarred and calloused hand, he tucked a wayward curl behind my ear. He lifted my chin with his knuckle forcing me to meet his gentle gaze. He looked so happy and intense right now that I could feel my eyes welling up. I never thought that anyone would ever look at me like that.

“I know I’m scary and loud. I’m fucked up, and I’m gonna fuck up with you a lot because I’ve never done this before. I don’t date girls, I fuck them and walk away because that’s what they expect. It’s all they think I’m good for. I’m not smart like you, and I know I don’t deserve you. Right now, I’m dirt poor, but one day, I’m not gonna be. I will fight to make something better of myself, to be someone better. Someone you can be proud of. If you need time, then I’ll give you time. If you need friendship, then I’ll give you friendship. But you’re mine, and when the time is right, when you’re ready, I’m coming for you.”

I nodded, so close to tears I knew that if I tried to speak, I’d completely break down. I swallowed hard, and the tears fell anyway. O’Connell wiped them away with his thumb and gently pressed his big firm lips to mine. Just like that, my fears were forgotten. The kiss was gentle, but fireworks exploded all over my body. It was like he had invigorated every cell with life. The touch of his lips wasn’t enough to satisfy, only to feed my addiction. I knew in my head that I wasn’t ready for a relationship, but my body wanted to drown in the revelation that it could feel something other than cold, hunger, and pain. It was a kiss both chaste and pure and everything I hoped that my first kiss would be, because everything I gave to him, I gave freely. Slightly out of breath, our lips parted, and he rested his forehead back against mine.

“I’m gonna give you the fuckin world, baby,” he whispered against my lips.

He kissed me again quickly and grinning like a kid, threaded his fingers through mine.

“You know friends don’t hold hands,” I whispered, knowing that there was no way that I was letting go first.

“Huh,” he grunted. “Me and Kier hold hands all the time.”

I burst out laughing at the thought, and he revelled in my happiness.

“It’s a good thing we’re sticking to being friends,” he explained. “The next couple of months are gonna be really tough. I should be taking you out on dates and buying you flowers and shit, but I’m going to be training every hour I can, and I won’t have any money.”

“It’s not about the money or anything else, you know that right?” I pressed him.

“I know, Em. One day you’ll tell me about the skeletons in your closet but if I didn’t give you at least an idea of how I feel, I’d lose you before you ever gave us a chance. I swear to God though, if Tommy asks for your number one more time, I’m gonna break his fucking face.”

He was only half-serious, but his possessiveness and intensity turned me on when it should have had me running. I ran my thumb across the back of his knuckles, and I felt him shiver.

“There’s not exactly a queue of men trying to date me. Tommy is a nice guy and your friend. He just likes messing with your head, that’s all.”