Finn shoots me a repressive look that I absolutely earned. “Yes. But I’ll be honest; I wasn’t exactly thrilled to see her. Sex with Britt had been kind of…bland.”

Only Finn would tell me sex in a bathroom with a supermodel had been bland.

He swallows hard and stares out over the river. “She was pregnant, Chess.”

I stumble on a crack, and he tightens his grip on my hand to steady me.

“What?” I croak.

Finn’s jaw bunches. “From high school out, they warn us about knocking women up. Never believe them when they say they’re on the pill. Always wear a condom. Today’s screw can be tomorrow’s screw up.”

“Lovely.”

“But true,” he says with a shrug. “I wore the condom. And I wasn’t so naive that I didn’t ask for a paternity test. Britt agreed. She didn’t want money. She has more than enough of her own. She just wanted me to know because it was the right thing to do.”

I suddenly feel small and petty for being jealous of the woman.

Finn let’s go of me and shoves his fists into his pockets as we slowly walk along. “Tests came back. I was the father.”

“How… I never heard a word of this in the press. And James watches Sports Center religiously.”

“We kept it quiet and were fortunate that there were no leaks. Jake is the only friend on my side who knows. Well, him and my family. They know too.”

He draws in a deep breath. “Anyway, I manned up, offered to marry her—”

My stomach turns with a violent lurch. If he’s married…

“But Britt said no.”

I should feel relieved, but I don’t. He could have been married. I’d have never known him this way.

“We hammered out how to handle custody, things like that…” He trails off and stares down at his shoes as we walk.

“So, you have a child.” I can do the math. The idea that a little Finn offspring is somewhere out there stuns me. God. A father.

“Five months in,” he croaks. “Britt miscarried.”

“Oh, Finn.”

He stands hunched against the wind, his expression blank. I touch his arm and find it vibrating with tension.

“I’m so sorry, Finn.”

His nod is vague, the barest lift of his chin. “We’d just found out she was a girl, you know?”

My fingers curl around his arm. “Finn…”

He takes a deep breath as if he’s sucking all his pain back into himself, and his shoulders straighten. When he looks up, his jaw is hard and set. “The whole time Britt was pregnant, I told myself that this is what real men do. They take care of their mistakes.” He snorts, a broken sound. “That’s what I thought of my baby as, Chess. A mistake. My baby girl.”

His eyes well, and I can’t stand still anymore. I step into his space and hug him tight. And he instantly hugs me back, squeezing with enough force to bruise, his face burrowed in my hair. For long moments, he shudders, fighting for control, while I press my palm to his back and coo nonsensical noises under my breath.

His rough voice is close to my ear. “I didn’t even know how much I wanted her until I saw her in that sonogram.” Another tremor slams through him. “But there she was, ten fingers and ten toes, flailing around like she was running in place, and I wanted her. I wanted her. And then she was gone.”

“Oh, Finn.” My heart breaks for him. For Britt. I’ve never been in their situation, but I know how it is to have something you never thought you wanted ripped away from you. And how that loss changes your life and haunts your future.

I think about that irony and a deep sorrow washes through me.

I don’t know what to do for Finn except keep holding him. But he doesn’t allow it for long. Soon enough, he pulls away and stands tall. The rims of his eyes are red, but he’s tucked away his anguish. I’ve done the same thing so many times, part of me admires how well he hides himself. The other part of me knows you can’t heal that way and wants to comfort him longer.

“Britt went home to Sweden. She didn’t want to see me. And, frankly, she reminded me of…everything, and I was glad she went.”

“Was yesterday the first time you’d seen her since?”

He nods. “Shocked the shit out of me.”

I feel myself growing distant, as if I’m breathing through layers of cotton wool. It feels as though I’m losing something I didn’t know I had. All this time, I’d thought of Finn as a shallow bowl, not stupid by any means, but not someone who had much of a life beyond football and partying. And I feel so fucking small for assuming that.

“What did she want?” I can guess. The way she’d looked at Finn, as if he were her salvation. I swallow back the lump in my throat. They have a history I will never understand.

Finn sighs, and we start walking again. “My mom invited her to spend the holidays with us.”

No need to for him to say how he feels about that. If looks could kill, his mom would be in grave danger right about now.

“What did you tell Britt?” The idea of them spending the holidays with each other doesn’t exactly make me happy. But I have no claim on Finn. To demand one now would be hypocritical and petty.

“That I didn’t want her there.” He winces. “I know it sounds bad, but we were never friends. Just…I don’t know, teammates with a common purpose. But my mother…I went home after it happened. She was with me at my lowest.”

“And now you’re avoiding her?”

“Because she won’t let go of the notion that she needs to fix me.” He moves to run a hand through his hair but feels his hat and flings his arm down. “No matter how many times I tell her that I’m okay, she keeps trying to set me up with some daughter or friend of so-and-so, as if finding the right woman will make it all better.”

I bite my lip to hold back a smile. “Mothers can be well-meaning like that.”

He snorts. “Last time I went home, Admiral Foster’s daughters came to dinner practically every night. The both of them smiling pleasantly as if it was up to me to pick my favorite and take her. It was awkward as fuck. But this…” He lifts a hand in exasperation. “This is too much. Not only did Mom piss me off, she embarrassed Britt.”

“So tell her that.”